A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my bf and I have been together for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We've hit a rough patch the past year, where we've had more fights and just can't seem to get along as much anymore. Sometimes when I ask him a question he won't give me a full answer, but just an "answer" that lacks detail and I start to get paranoid and wonder if something's going on... For example: about an hour ago we were talking on the phone and he told me he was going to run downstairs and see if his brother-in-law would give him a ride to pick up a pizza. After a few minutes he comes back and I asked if everything was alright and he said "yeah i'm just gonna walk to the store and buy something to make". (he is a walker and walks to places if he can't get a ride 'cause he doesn't have a car atm). I replied by asking "is jim going to take you or are you gonna walk?" and his reply was "number 2". I then asked him why he didn't just say he was going to walk and he said because Jim was nearby and he didn't want him to hear him discussing it. When I thought that sounded pretty sneaky-ish I asked him what was going on and he got really defensive saying that he told me what he was going to do but didn't want to give me more details because he didn't want to talk about it. All I was trying to find out is why he didn't want his brother-in-law to hear him when he said he was gonna walk to the store, if he'd already asked him if he'd give him a ride. I asked him if they were fighting and he just wouldn't tell me anything. His answer just seemed strange to me and he accused me of being dramatic and wanting to get shit started. Am I overreacting here? Do men give half-assed answers sometimes? And does this mean there could be something more severe going on? Cheating? Drugs?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 July 2013):
You need to work on your communication with him and while that does mean to talk more, it does not mean to expect a story with every conversation you have with him.
For example, he was simply being straight up with you and you expected more out of what he was saying. It's not half-assed. Men just prefer to be to-the-point, who-what-when-where-why, and factual. We don't rly feel the need to give every detail of every little thing to feel close to someone in giving our end of a conversation. More or less, you are making a big deal out of nothing here.
I think you need to take a step back and try to relax before you stress out yourself and your bf.
A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 July 2013):
Him: "I'm going to walk to the store to get something to eat"
What he meant to say: "I'm going to walk. To the store. I am hungry an there is no good options where I am now. My dead beat brother in law is being lazy and won't give me a ride. Not a big deal, I'm not lazy and have shoes. I will solve the hunger problem myself. I am now going to hang up the phone and get moving because it is a long walk, and I'm not going to get less hungry for it.
You: are you going to walk, or is Jim going to drive you?"
What it seems pretty obvious to any rational person thAt you meant: "I don't believe you are being honest. First you said you were going to get Jim to drive you, and now you say you're going to walk. Since brothers in law never refuse to drive hungry brothers in law to the store, you must be hiding something.
What he should have said instead: I'm hungry. Bring me a sammich and a beer. Wear something sexy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2013):
 WHOA... from not wanting to discuss something in front of his BIL to asking if there is cheating and/or drugs going on seems a bit of a stretch to me.
you even said he told you "I'm going to WALK to the store" so why would you ask if Jim was going to drive him or he was going to walk if he already said he was going to walk?
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (2 July 2013):
 I think your over reacting, he had just asked his brother in law Jim for a lift, who obviously said no, and so when you asked him what was happening, he talks in code, as he obviously doesn't want Jim knowing he is discussing him, and doesn't want Jim thinking that its a big deal, Plus he's hungry and your cross examining him as to his plans of getting his food!!!!!!
I think your over reacting about a lot of things, this whole situation was a no brainer to be honest, and yet you already jumped to the possibility of cheating and drugs, Are you always questioning the ass end out of everything he says and does, do you always cross examine his answer and then ask again in a different way to test out his first reply, I ask this, as he said you were being dramatic and wanting to get shit started, so this tells me it is a common occurance.
You need to have a serious word with yourself, he should be able to talk in code to you, without you accusing him of hiding something, you are supposed to be his friend and lover, his chosen partner in life, someone to enrich his life, if you don't trust him when he's walking to the store for food, then you shouldn't be in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 July 2013):
 i mean, it sounds to me like he was just not wanting to talk about it in front of his brother-in-law. they probably got into a bit of a fight when he said he didn't want to take him, and then the brother-in-law came into the room and he didn't want to sound like he was bad-mouthing him so he changed the subject or made it seem discreet. i think you're over-reacting for sure. no offense. but i've done this very same thing before. relax. everything is fine.
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