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anonymous
writes: I'm 20 and I am so frustrated that my boyfriend of 2 years still has his ex girlfriend of 4 years in his email address book. She contacts him maybe once a year or visa versa. I have asked him to take her out but he says they are just friends now. She lives in America and we live in England but I don't see why it is so important to him that she is in there, especially if they are not going to see each other again. She is married now and they haven't been out for about 10 years. Should I be annoyed as I am about it? I feel like he considers her feelings more than mine and that he still looks at her as the love of his life. I have always felt jealous of exes, as if my boyfriends don't think I am special. What can I do to overcome this?
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (3 September 2005):
You feel jealous of his ex and you think maybe he loves her more than he loves you. You might be worried that in years to come they might meet up and get back together. I bet you are like me in that you play all the what ifs and buts senarios over and over in your mind. Tell him you are jealous. Tell him you hate him having her number in his phone thats all you can do. If he wants to keep her number then thats ok.
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reader, pops +, writes (3 September 2005):
You answer your own question. He has her name in his phone book because they are friends, and still keep in touch. Why are you so insecure? He's seeing you, not her! You are going to have to accept the fact that he will have friends of his own, including people you may not like. And vice versa. Jealousy is simply an expression of self doubt. Why don't you like yourself? Work on that question, and the other will go away. In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to point out other people( members of the opposite sex) that they know attract their mate's attention, and discuss other people they are attracted to and why with their mate. Its a way to not only inform each other, and learn about yourself and your mate's fantasies and desires, but also to remove any worries about some third party " stealing " your mate from you. That happens to people who don't have a healthy relationship, have to sneak around to look or admire members of the opposite sex, and have to deal with a jealous, insecure spouse every day. Take you choice on how you want to be. If you concern yourself with learning what pleasures your bf, and keeping him happy, while teaching him what pleasures you, and insisting he keeps you happy, there won't be any interest by either of you in third parties.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): Talk to him and tell him that you're uncomfortable with the fact that he has his ex's name in his email address book. But if he keeps on saying that they are only just friends and you haven't got any proof that they are anymore than that then forget about the fact that her name is in that book and get on with your life.
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