New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login241263 questions, 1067015 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*erhapsNot agony aunt

*erhapsNot

United States  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *erhapsNot to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *erhapsNot a private message

*erhapsNot's Ratings
Excellent63%
Average10%
Poor27%
1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 523 answers]

In the western culture... who pays the bill on a date?

Q.   Hi Dearcupid, I came from asian background and i was on the dating website. Recently i meet a guy on line and went for a coffee date and one dinner date. Now i have a little question to ask " for the western culture, what should happen with...

A.   20 June 2013: The man should pay. If he doesn't want to pay during the first few dates, you might as well run for the hills. ... (read in full...)

Cancelled wedding...but can we sort this out and stay together?

Q.   where do I start..my fiancé told me 8 weeks ago he wanted to cancel our wedding. He didn't do it. We thought we could work on our differences and see what came about. We were due to get married in seven months. I feel like he has not made any effort ...

A.   20 June 2013: " he has a daughter, and we have had problems with everything from whos house were going to live in, his massive family involvement in everything, and his deep seeded insecurities due to the infidelities of his exes." That is a lot of baggage ... (read in full...)

I don't like feeling like a maid, or taken for granted. Am I being unreasonable?

Q.   Just a question about cohabitation: My boyfriend works 50 hours a week, and I am currently unemployed (but looking) I contribute economically, and do all the cooking and cleaning except for one night where he makes dinner. Usually he does his ...

A.   20 June 2013: "I am not interested in marrying this man, even less if he cannot take care of himself." Just curious, if you're not interested in marrying him, why are you living together? Living together is basically going through the motions and the mechanic... (read in full...)

At the moment, I am not ready for a threesome to happen in our relationship. My Bf would like it to happen. How long into a relationship before agreeing to it?

Q.   Hi, Ok I would love some fair and informative advice here on my boyfriend wanting to have a FFM threesome. We have been going out with each other for 8 months and moved in together three months ago. At the beginning of the relationship he...

A.   18 May 2013: "How long into a relationship to do it?" There is no set time for these types of things. You're either interested and excited about the idea, or you're not. Your preference won't change over time. No smart woman will sit in her room and tell hers... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is crushing on his son's girlfriends. His behavior is too strange!

Q.   I have a question about what constitutes friendly behavior and what constitutes bad behavior. My boyfriend has started asking his son often when his son's new girlfriend is coming over to our house. Now, My boyfriend thinks I am jealous of his son's ...

A.   11 May 2013: You have described what YOU have seen and observed. What I don't see included in your post is what his son or his girlfriends think. Surely if he was acting like a creep, everyone in the situation would be very aware of it. His son must have sa... (read in full...)

I thought he was my soul-mate, but now he's with a girl who's everything he said he hates

Q.   My ex and I broke up a month ago. We'd been together 3 years. Completely out of the blue he sat me down and said that although he loved me, he couldn't be with me, I wasn't making him happy. I genuinely didn't see it coming - everyone used to say we ...

A.   8 May 2013: Simple: he lied to you about his preferences OR he simply didn't feel as strongly about those preferences like he made it seem. It also could be that he now wants to play in the the tan, fake lashes, scandalously dressed pool. Another option is ... (read in full...)

Is it time to leave? She issued me with an ultimatum: The bachelor party or her

Q.   My girlfriend(who I live with) and I have been at odds everyday for the last week. My friend has a wedding coming this weekend, and their bachelor party on Friday night. So she has made an effort to fight with me everyday. But to cut to the chase...

A.   26 April 2013: She's an insecure drama queen - dump her. I am almost willing to bet that the entire ultimatum is total BS. Sure, she will be enraged once you go to the bachelor party, and she may even break up with you....but I have a feeling that it would be ... (read in full...)

I'm hurt that my boyfriend didn't get me anything for my birthday

Q.   I am with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am happy being with him. The thing is...he didn't give me anything for my birthday. He simply said "happy birthday babe." We are in a long distance relationship but I came home for my birthday....I was ...

A.   26 April 2013: Materialistic? Hardly. If you were materialistic, you wouldn't be hanging around this guy. A materialistic woman wouldn't tolerate a man who didn't buy her anything for her birthday, nor would she tolerate a man who does not buy her any gifts ... (read in full...)

I love her, she's my best friend but she's married

Q.   I dont know where to start. I met this woman 8 years ago, and we are as close as ever. The problem is she is married and lives on the other side of the country. I am in love with her.. Always have been.. probably always will be. She knows i love...

A.   9 April 2013: "She knows i love her.. but she doesnt know how i really feel." Well, which one is it? Just so you know, most women have a pretty good sense when a man is completely smitten and in love with them. It's painfully obvious. Chances are, she does kn... (read in full...)

I am his Gf. She was his crush. Now he's talking to her online. Am I missing something here? Should I be worried?

Q.   Hey, I have been dating this guy for about 3 years now,we go to the same university! But before he met me he was crazily in love with a crush on a fellow student.. They were in the same class and he was head over heels in love with her. Yet when h...

A.   6 April 2013: You boyfriend was pining for her love and she rejected him. He probably still has some feelings and/or lust for her, which is why he is currently talking to her. You know how it is....Ever been dumped or rejected by a guy who you really wanted but ... (read in full...)

Would it be crazy to move in together right away? Or when and how would be right?

Q.   A few months ago I moved because of a job opportunity. The job was for 6 months originally, so I rented a place for just the 6 months. I was offered to continue at the job, which is great. But I still need to move in a few months because my current ...

A.   6 April 2013: Reading your post, it appears to me that your leading reason for wanting to move is financially motivated. I have seen this happen a few times.....the woman wants to cut her living costs and chooses to live with her boyfriend for convenie... (read in full...)

Do I study something I love or do I study something more pragmatic?

Q.   Hey, I have a question. I have been a bar manager for years and right now I am studying by correspondence for two qualifications in management, one of them is a BTS (French qualification equivalent to the first two years of a bachelor's degree) and ...

A.   27 March 2013: As someone who has two useless degrees in things I found interesting at the time I was in college (nowadays I do not particularly care for either one of them), I can tell you to sick to the pragmatic. If I could do it all over again, I would choose ... (read in full...)

Is "no contact" really the best way to get over a breakup?

Q.   Hi Everyone, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. I went "no contact" for the first 2 weeks but it was too difficult for me...I missed him so much, to the point of physical pain. Is this typical? We've been talking since then,...

A.   21 March 2013: "We have agreed that neither one of us is looking for anyone else...We've also agreed that we're both on the same page about not dating--neither one of us is trying to lead the other on, or hoping to get back together." For someone that has brok... (read in full...)

My Wife Talking about sex toys with a collegue!

Q.   Had a bit of a barney with my wife (of 5 months) last night. She said that she had a conversation with a male collegue about his business selling Sex Toys - I thought this was innapropriate and got the proverbial hump. Anway, thats not so much the ...

A.   21 March 2013: "Errm yes that exactly what I wanted as thats exactly whaty I would do...we spent the night back to back again last night with only the most brief and formal of conversation this morning" This just made me chuckle. So you got pissy, distant a... (read in full...)

Boyfriend kissed a friend who likes him. I know he might let this happen again. What should I do?

Q.   I know a lot of people don't believe that kissing someone else is cheating but i do. Anyways, my boyfriend and I have been dating since June 2011, I didn't know at the time we began dating that one of his friends had feelings for him. He told me ...

A.   21 March 2013: "He told me after we got together and i felt bad because I dont want her to think i took him away from her, i just didn't know she liked him." Why did you feel bad? She had/has feelings for your boyfriend and those are her feelings that ha... (read in full...)

My b/f doesn't want to go on facebook and say we are back together or give me his password to it. This troubles me!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. A couple of months ago we broke up for about one month, then decided that wasn't the right decision and have gotten back together. Well, there is a problem that has been bothering me a ...

A.   16 March 2013: I feel that a lot of people have given you their feelings and opinions rather than accounting for your personal story. The fact is you're both on FB a lot. You both had a relationship status before your break up. It's not like you two were the type ... (read in full...)

Do I tell my girlfriend about my past?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and it has been going great. I work in a different state but travel often to see her and will be seeing her in a month. In one of our recent conversations a topic i am not comfortable with ...

A.   16 March 2013: "Do you think she will accept an answer like "My past does not matter it's only our future that does" or something along those lines? ever since i dodged that question, i have noticed the topic coming up with more frequency." Firstly, that ans... (read in full...)

Is it normal to NEVER have fantasies about your partner?

Q.   I have a question for all the people who are either in a serious relationship, or married. Is it normal to NEVER have sexual fantasies about your partner? The reason I ask is because while I am attracted to my husband, I find myself fantasizi...

A.   13 March 2013: Sure it's all a fantasy and people fantasize about other people, but to NEVER fantasize about your spouse? As in NEVER EVER? Yes, that to me is not normal. The only exception I can think of is if your partner is extremely unattractive. "Should I... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to move away and wants me to come but I'm not sure I want to!

Q.   me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now and we have such a good relationship; we're always together and doing family things together...we havent yet moved in but he is always at my place like we do...in the past few months or so ...

A.   13 March 2013: What exactly is prompting him to move to Dallas? Is it a job transfer? Or is it that he just wants to move because he just wants to live in Dallas? And what about you? Do you work and can you afford to live without a job? Do you have any good job ... (read in full...)

Do I leave my b/f because my biological clock is ticking and he's not even close to being ready for children?

Q.   My partner is five years younger than me (I'm 33, he's 28). Before we got together, I told him I was worried about the age gap as I don't think I'm willing to leave trying to have children later than 36, as I don't think it's safe. He said he wanted ...

A.   10 March 2013: "His job isn't very stable - he's a cartoonist - and although he's relatively successful he doesn't make enough for himself to live off." "I know he struggles enough to look after himself, never mind someone else. " Why exactly do you want t... (read in full...)

He sent me a naked photo with a comment about his penis. I was unimpressed. Shall I just give up? What do you think he's playing at?

Q.   Hi, I have been dating this guy for nearly a month now. We had three dates only. First one, we just got to know each other over coffee and it was good, we liked each other! Then, before the second date, he wooed me by texts, we then saw each ...

A.   10 March 2013: He sent you a picture of his dick with the message "my penis in your mouth" after only seeing you 3 times. I think it's pretty clear he wants oral, sex or both.....AND he is not very smooth about it either. Since he is not getting it, he he made ... (read in full...)

I've been dreaming of this woman since 1974. Should I look for her?

Q.   I´ve been in love with Tessie since 1974, Tessie and I began a few moths relationship, we broke, after 7 years, we started a new relation, By then I was married man but somehow Tessie and I kept together for 5 years. In 1989 I got sick with can...

A.   2 March 2013: If you two were that great together why did you: 1. Break up your relationship after the first few months when you were together? 2. Why was there a 7 year separation and when you got back together, why did only stay together for 5 years? Why not ... (read in full...)

It is ok for a single childless woman to date a man with kids?

Q.   Hi. My question is: is there ever anything good about a single childless woman who doesn't plan to have kids having a relationship with a divorced guy with kids? Or is it always just bad? I've read a lot about the negatives, does anyone know if ...

A.   1 March 2013: My 2 coworkers that I work with closely both are with men that have children. Even though they too have children of their own, neither one are thrilled about dating men that have children. The kids always come first. If you're willing to accept ... (read in full...)

Broke up with bf.. but now he's being mean?

Q.   Ok - I broke up with my ex almost 2 weeks ago and have been NC since. I broke it off, because he was distant and not giving me enough attention, and gave me the impression he wanted out of the relationship but wanted me to end it... so I did. He's ...

A.   1 March 2013: Your real enemy here is FB. If you broke up with him, you should have never kept him as a FB friend. All the drama stems from you stalking his page and looking at his updates. If you had deleted him, you wouldn't have any visual irritants. You would ... (read in full...)

Need help shopping for the perfect engagement ring

Q.   I'm starting the process of shopping for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It seems like I've been reading up on them for hours, learning about the quality, cut and color. But I cannot seem to find a good way to determine carat size. I know th...

A.   1 March 2013: "she has told me numerous times that she doesn't need a flawless diamond... As long as it looks good to the naked eye, she doesn't care about the cut, clarity and color unless they are noticeable." This to me sounds like she wants a bigger rock. I... (read in full...)

Should I just wait to hear from him? He's digesting the news that I used to be an escort

Q.   A few years ago I fell into hard times and began escorting. I did it for 2 years off and on and just enough to get by. I eventually quit and have since than went back to working a real job and a normal life for a few yeArs now. A few months ago I ...

A.   27 February 2013: Deal breakers are deal breakers, whether it's in the past, present or future. You should always give people the respect and the appropriate information, so that they can decide whether or not they will accept the whole you and your baggage. Why ... (read in full...)

How could he break up with me again?

Q.   I'm feeling a little lost after my recent breakup. My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years. He initially broke up with me a year in a half into the relationship saying he was unhappy. Six months of on/off playing around we officall...

A.   27 February 2013: "I keep beating myself up about what I should have done differenty." What you should have done is keeping your single status. Just look at this objectively: 1. HE breaks up with you after 1.5 years 2. 6 months of ON and OFF 3. 2 months late... (read in full...)

My g/f likes to flash her guy friends just for fun?

Q.   My gf likes to flash her guy friends just for fun I don't care but she continueisly says that she feels bad and that she dosent want to do anything that we as a couple don't agree on she asked me if I mind and even though I say I don't care she says ...

A.   27 February 2013: There is nothing non-sexual or appropriate about for a woman to be flashing guy friends. Does she flash female friends? How many women do you know that are in relationships or married that flash their male friends? Do you flash your female friends? ... (read in full...)

Should I just wait to hear from him? He's digesting the news that I used to be an escort

Q.   A few years ago I fell into hard times and began escorting. I did it for 2 years off and on and just enough to get by. I eventually quit and have since than went back to working a real job and a normal life for a few yeArs now. A few months ago I ...

A.   27 February 2013: Firstly I want to say you did the right thing. I think everyone deserves to know this type of information. These types of hardships and dark periods in one's life are meant to be shared with those who we are closest to us. Never think for a second... (read in full...)

I think my guy is still hung up on his ex. There are too many rules about sex because of how he did things with her!

Q.   I think my partner is still hung up on his ex. The reasons I think this are: 1) he won't kiss me properly (tongues are a definite no-no) as he says when he used to kiss her she wanted more than just kissing. I have assured him I am not the...

A.   23 February 2013: I don't think this has anything to do with his ex. When he was with his ex, he did quite a few things FOR HER sexually that he disliked. He didn't want to have sex 3x a day, but he did it for her. He only wanted missionary, but because of her, he ... (read in full...)

A co worker lied to me and now I'm worried about my job

Q.   Pleaseplease help me. So I just started working for this company. Keep in mind throughout our HR meetings we were told it is okay to ask a coworker on a date. But anyways..my situation is a little different. I met this man and we will just cal...

A.   21 February 2013: " but today my friend stayed later at work and saw my boss and Bob talking she said the conversation looked serious and that bob looked shocked and embarrassed." Your friend and you are assuming a lot of things here. First things first: neither y... (read in full...)

Do most girls do the act of spitting? Or swallowing?

Q.   do most girls like to spit or swallow?...

A.   21 February 2013: How about a third category: NEITHER. Semen tastes nasty. It makes no difference whether you swallow or spit it out. You still have that taste in your mouth. ... (read in full...)

I love her but she's ready to settle down and I'm not sure that I am. What should I do?

Q.   I am 25, she is 30. We got together when I was 22. Our relationship has come to the point where she is ready for engagement, marriage and kids (completely understandable). I love her with all of my heart. She is the one I want to be with for the ...

A.   20 February 2013: OK, do you see that this statement "I love her with all of my heart. She is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life" doesn't logically match what you're saying here: "I do not know if I am ready for that yet." "A part of me wants to... (read in full...)

Girl I am dating does not know I am older than she thinks! HELP

Q.   Ok, I met a wonderful woman online, and we really, really hit it off. She is 31, and I am 48. We want the same things. Neither of us have children and both want them, and believe in marriage, commitment etc. Very attracted to each other and both ...

A.   20 February 2013: " I posted that as my age because I am very athletic, in shape, active, and youthful. I'm not a couch sitter, and women my age are for the most part.." You posted a fake age because you do not want to be honest about your REAL age. I find peop... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seems repulsed by my weight loss and breast size being smaller

Q.   I was 14lbs heavier when I met my boyfriend and I'm losing weight quickly through stress that I'm experiencing at the moment. Well I've always had big boobs and I'm now a uk size 10 and they're 34 e, he doesn't like it because they're getting ...

A.   19 February 2013: You lost 14 pounds and some breast tissue. I cannot imagine that your boobs went from a 10 to suddenly a 1 or 2; it's simply not possible to have *that* much of a drastic breast tissue decrease. You're a 34 E for God's sake! What is flat chested... (read in full...)

I lied to my employer when I handed in my notice. Current employer offered me better position. Should I accept it or just leave?

Q.   Last year my grandfather died and he left some of his money to me and to my brother. Here's my dilemma... I have worked all my life The problem is that the line if work I'm in, customer services pays badly and there is zero respect in the j...

A.   13 February 2013: Accept the offer! There is no reason why your superior would check with that particular company and verify whatever you said is true UNLESS he is good friends with the hiring manager. If it is out of town and he has no connections at that location... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is thinking about getting back with his ex. He doesn't know that I know!

Q.   Found out my boyfriend of 4 years is thinking about getting back together with his ex-wife. He does not know that I know this...what to do?...

A.   8 February 2013: Well, that's lovely, isn't it? If he is contemplating leaving you, it's just a matter of time before he does. You know a relationship is doomed if one is debating whether or not to leave Person A for Person B. Doesn't make you feel very loved, l... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a type... and it's not me?

Q.   Hello. I am a lady in desperate need of hearing some truths. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five years now and we're doing great except for a couple reoccurring issues. Our relationship started in early college and therefore suffer...

A.   8 February 2013: He's more sexually attracted to bigger women. There are many men out in the world that do not find thin or toned women attractive. If he is sexing bigger women and wanking off to the same body type while looking at porn, it should be pretty o... (read in full...)

29-year-old man in loving relationship but attracted to older women....

Q.   I am a 29-year-old male, in a loving relationship with a 27-year-old female. We've been together for about 5 years. We live together, and have a wonderful time. We never argue (**really**) and we haven't lost any intimacy or closeness. My p...

A.   3 February 2013: "I just have this growing desire to make passionate love to an older woman, someone in her 40s or 50s." " I am more interested in seeing a married woman, perhaps one who might be lacking the attention she deserves sexually." You're interested... (read in full...)

Why do I still care for someone that never cared about me?

Q.   I broke up with my ex because he wouldn't make a commitment. He wanted to keep his options open. even though he wasn't dating anyone, he wanted the option of being able to. I thought that wasn't fair to me, I wasn't asking him to marry me, but just ...

A.   3 February 2013: Feelings are not objective, they simply exist. You have feelings towards this man and they exist for whatever personal reasons you may have. The key is to not let your emotions and feelings make decisions for you. You made an objective decision to ... (read in full...)

*erhapsNot's friends

These are mutual friends, so *erhapsNot has added them and they have added *erhapsNot!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.156249799998477!