A
female
age
30-35,
*ane_Doe1
writes:I am with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am happy being with him. The thing is...he didn't give me anything for my birthday. He simply said "happy birthday babe." We are in a long distance relationship but I came home for my birthday....I was with him. I expected him to buy me something nice, or even a card and flowers would do. He doesn't buy me anything....flowers, chocolate, nothing. I want to talk to him about it but I don't want to seem materialistic. It hurts me a lot. I don't know if the kind of expensive lunch dates now and then justifies it. It's not like he can't afford the gifts...he has two jobs. And I don't think he expects me to buy him things because I am not working. I'm going to college. I am confused......
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 NO the lunch dates do not justify neglecting a girlfriends’ birthday… Be you rich or poor, (2 jobs or studying), LDR or close; flowers, cooking a special dinner for that person and or a card with a written IOU to collect a back massage etc is the least one can do and afford! But being in a coma will excuse one from getting and doing such things :)
Birthdays to me are about acknowledging the other person as being special in my life… Your boyfriend obviously knew you were coming home and why, but still didn’t pull his finger out – what a cheapskate!? (Makes me think what Xmas was like for you?)
“Happy Belated Birthday Jane Doe1” – CAA :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Did you let him know what you expected for your birthday or did you want him to read your mind and know what to do?
I think we all like to be surprised but I have found that it's rare for folks to do that for us especially guys. they just don't see things like we do.
If you said NOTHING to him then you really can't be upset with him.
for me I will talk to my husband in advance and I will send him my amazon wish list... "hey honey my birthday is next month and I would like xxxx or xxxx" yeah it's not a surprise but if it's what I want... well then it's good.
there is no crime in letting your boyfriend know your expectations and feelings. if you wanted something and you did not tell him or let him know what you expected, how can you be angry with him?
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 He should have bought you something. As you say it could have just been a card so it's not about money it's about showing he cares. I couldn't imagine not giving a friend a card/present and definitly not someone you are in a relationship with.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Materialistic? Hardly. If you were materialistic, you wouldn't be hanging around this guy. A materialistic woman wouldn't tolerate a man who didn't buy her anything for her birthday, nor would she tolerate a man who does not buy her any gifts throughout the year. If you were materialistic, you would have dumped him the first month of dating where you weren't getting anything value wise. Some women truly do not care about gifts, or receiving gifts. Those women are the minority. Most women do want a gift for their birthday or some type of gesture to acknowledge their day. There is nothing wrong or materialistic to want or get a birthday gift. He is either cheapskate, or he does not care about giving or receiving gifts. Better find out which camp he falls into before wasting any more time. If he is cheap, run like hell. If he just doesn't care about gifts, tell him that it's important to you and that you're just one of the millions that celebrate and ring in another year with a damn gift.
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