A
male
age
30-35,
*kofan300
writes:My gf likes to flash her guy friends just for fun I don't care but she continueisly says that she feels bad and that she dosent want to do anything that we as a couple don't agree on she asked me if I mind and even though I say I don't care she says she feels guilty about it does anyone think its wrong for her to do this or for me to allow her to do this also I want to note that I don't encourage or pressure her to continue nor do I discourage her Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): You don't care? Why don't you care? Why do you not care that your girlfriend is flashing other men, or anyone for that matter? This girl is seeking attention and you are the one who needs to step in and say, honey, really not appropriate and it's time to stop. The show is over. Girls flashing guys is only encouraging bad behavior and eventually the wrong one is going to see it and it's going to go in a direction none of you are going to want to go.
Both of you show some class....your girlfriend needs to have respect for her body and you need to demonstrate some respect for her and the situation.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I know my husband would not want me to flash "his titties" at anyone else but him
and YouWish I laughed at this: "Trust me, there's no greater exhibitionism than a guy "waggling" whether it's to his wife coming out of the shower" because THEY DO IT! and they expect us to fawn all over them... HA!
when I was in college at 20/21 (so about 1980) I had just taken a test and was sitting outside with a bunch of classmates (all women) and we were involved in our books looking up answers to the test...
we looked up.. and standing in front of us was a guy with a book held up to his face but his fly was open and he had his penis out and was fondling himself... we all just got up and moved.... (we also laughed at how pathetic he was) but it never occurred to any of us that we should report this....
It's funny but DC seems to run a theme a week and this week it's flashing.....
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 February 2013):
 This has become an interesting debate.
Let me ask the married and partnered female aunts a question here:
Would you ladies on here want a woman, stranger or acquaintance, to flash her breasts at your husband or boyfriend? Likewise, you men who have wives or girlfriends on here, would you want a man to flash his penis to her?
Breasts are as sexualized as a penis is. The only difference is, with a guy of today existing in this sexualized culture, many would make light of it as a fantasy if they got flashed by a woman on a subway, at a party or whatever. Hell, at the Oscars this past Sunday, one of the songs sung was "We saw your boobs".
But think about it, it's the same double standard that people are automatically applying here that they did to Mary Kay Latourneau and those female teachers who raped their male students, because if a girl does it to a guy, he's "Hot for Teacher" and they make Lifetime movies about forbidden love, but if it was a male teacher and an 11 year old female student, it would be horrific. Same exact offense.
A guy exposes himself in public, and it's creepy. A girl doing it and it's hot and people make light of it because penises and testicles aren't as sexually stimulating to guys. It's the same crime...exposing oneself in an unsolicited fashion. You can't equate male chest to female chest. A woman showing her chest is as sexual as a man showing his penis. Trust me, there's no greater exhibitionism than a guy "waggling" whether it's to his wife coming out of the shower to some asshat with a webcam. And guys shouting out "Flash me" on the internet or in public doesn't make it universally acceptible for a woman to do that.
If standards were equal, the woman would be held as accountable as a guy flashing. Think about it. It's not about rape. It's about public decency and exposure of an unwanted sexual nature. Saying "it's not unwanted if all guys want it" doesn't fly because it's not true. It actually happened to my husband in 2001 when a girl arguing with her boyfriend on the bus into the city got carried away and flashed everyone on the bus for a few seconds before her boyfriend got really pissed. He called me right when it happened, feeling embarrassed and guilty. Eventually, we laughed it off, but I felt bad for him, and we had a similar discussion about how he's no more guilty than I would have been if some guy had exposed himself to me, which, believe it or not, actually happened 8 years later when a customer exposed himself to one of my security cameras and started masturbating with the intention of me seeing it. It freaked me the hell out and I did call the police on him.
Absolutely true stories, and something I will never forget for life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 iAmHereToHelpYou; "YouWish, it may have something to do with the (outdated) idea that men can be rapists and women can't? I mean, you see a naked woman, many men will gladly accept the free viewing, but a naked man? Most women would find it creepy and distasteful...."
I'm sure things would be different if the guy flashing himself off in a bar was Adonis himself. If the girl was horrible looking ALL men would find it completely distasteful and creepy too.
So this makes it ok for a man's wife/girlfriend to flash her bits to all and sundry does it? If anything, I find the whole exposing one-self in public like this disgusting whether it be a man or woman.
Most men who go to strip clubs would look at a stripper and accept it. Most, women who go to the male stripper shows would accept it.
However, this is in public.
Whilst you bring up the morbid subject of rape; this girl could be putting herself in serious danger and end up getting seriously hurt. I've seen a woman getting up on a bar while I was away on a sunny holiday. She began to strip completely naked. Then before you know it there was a swarm of old creepy men trying to grab her. Nothing was done until I had a quiet word with the bar manager and told him, "you better get that girl down and tell her to get dressed before things get out of control and something terrible happens. Just look at all those blokes trying to grab her".
It's not fun, it's downright disrespectful (to herself and in this case her boyfriend too) and damned dangerous.
It's not acceptable whether it's a man OR a woman.
I suppose if something terrible were to happen you'd be blaming us good men for not doing anything about it?
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (27 February 2013):
This girl is OUT. Simple. She's a flirtatious attention seeker and shows you (and herself) NO respect at all.
I once dated a girl who, when we went out for a drink with her friends and their boyfriends, snogged one of the girls right in front of me. I was completely embarrassed and ended it the next day.
If I was going out with a girl and she was flashing her friends I would feel humiliated and without fuss, just disappear, leave her without saying a word.
Tell her to stop some people are saying here. Ridiculous. He shouldn't HAVE to tell her to stop. This lack of self-esteem, manners and lack of respect for both herself and you should tell you one thing; this woman is NOT a good one.
How about we switch it round and say a girls boyfriend keeps flashing his bits at girls? This guy would be dropped like a bad habit instantly.
Just leave her and find a good woman who can keep her boobs in her bra, unless it's one on one with you in the bedroom.
This girl has no integrity or respect.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): "abs look good to people but it doesn't scream sex to most women"
I'm afraid you're wrong right there. I have more women drool over me with abs than I ever did without them. What's the word they most often use to describe them? "Sexy" followed by "hot", "lush" trust me, rock hard abs gets me a lot of attention and it's not my intellect they're interested in.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
I used to be friends with an adult woman who never wears a bra and flashes everyone.
she once pulled up her top and turned and was face to boobs with my then 16 year old stepdaughter. It traumatized my kid to see "aunt michele's boobs in my face"
To be honest if Michele knew how we all talked about her behind her back and how grossed out everyone is by her behavior she might stop.
Just saying... folks are not going to go up to a flasher and say "hey hon it's pretty gross that you never wear a bra and need to flash those saggy old boobs in everyone's face." No one wants to hurt her feelings... and her feelings would be hurt because, she does it due to low self-esteem and the need to have everyone pay attention to her and adore her....
well she gets attention alright... NEGATIVE attention.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 February 2013):
 Why on Earth does she feel a need to flash her guy friends? Is she THAT starved for attention?
I mean I get it, we all like to look at well toned bodies, but just because you have one (or she does) doesn't mean she HAS to flash it.
It sounds rather juvenile. A LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!! kind of thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 If you don't have an issue with her behaviour, -you are fine, she's fine- then you don't have a problem.
In your shoes, though, I WOULD have an issue with her behaviour. Not because showing boobs is a big deal, as Cerberus says, go to most European beaches, including family beaches, and you'll see boobs galore, you will be swamped with boobs of every age and shape .
But because she is acting, pardon me, stupid. And vulgar . And pathetically attention seeking.
There are boundaries in social behaviour, and in the use we make of our bodies , particularly for people in a couple relationship. If in a particular context, Mardi Gras as TasteofIndia says , or spring break, or some other situation in which a bit of bawdy antics are acceptable, expectable and even fun- OK. But someone that routinely, as a matter of habit, flashes to her male friends ?! Bizarre and thrashy. What is it, a sort of compulsion ?
I put this on par with , I don't know, farting in public. I mean, no big deal, if ONCE she want to play badass " I don't give a fuck " girl, fine, maybe it's even worth a laugh. But would you appreciate if she'd make a conscious effort to fart loudly in front of your friends and coleagues every time you are out together for dinner or drinks ? ... Or wouldn't it become crass and annoying after a short while ?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): iAmHereToHelpYou and YouWish actually you're both kind of wrong. No one wants to see a hairy pair of balls and pube covered flaccid knob swinging in the wind, but I get people asking me to flash my abs, pecs or tense my biceps all the time. It's just a different body part that women like on guys, mainly six packs and big biceps.
OP we can't tell you how to feel about it, but personally I'd act a bit territorial if I were you. Firstly I wouldn't be okay with it for the simple fact it's going to give guys the impression she's easy and trashy. She'll whip out her tits or ass for anyone, what else will she do for anyone? That perception will mean more guys are likely to try it on. I know it doesn't mean that she's easy, but you can't control how people will perceive it and being so overtly sexual just for attention is trashy, simple as that. If I wanted to date a girl who who'll get her tits out for anyone I'd date a stripper, at least they get paid for it. I won't even date one of those women who will kiss other women in nightclubs just to get male attention, just not for me. I'm not a fan of people who use sex to get attention. I mean they like the rush of having guys ogle them, whoop and holler at her nakedness because it's a kind of rush, well how far will they go for that rush when they're trashed drunk?
Now the reason I'd get territorial is because it sounds like that's what she wants. OP I know women cry out about being allowed to do what they want, being free etc. but I think you'll find there are certain things where they want a guy to put his foot down and mark his territory. Surely you know that most want their partner to be at least a little bit jealous and protective, to them it shows that he cares. In some respects women feel a security in being marked as a guy's property if you know what I mean. Not controlling or restrictive in any way of course, just territorial, they tend to like the security of knowing where the guy's limits are and what boundaries she should not cross and giving sexual gratification to other guys is generally where that line is.
My fiancée is free to do what she likes in life, I can't stop her but her boobs are for mine, and her sexual gratification, no one else. She can take them out and has walked around with them on display at beaches in Europe and stuff but she would never display them specifically to impress guys or for sexual attention because I'm not okay with that and she wouldn't be okay with that either, she reserves that right for me because I'm her partner.
There are certain boundaries of behaviour in our relationship and sexuality is reserved for each other. Neither of us are allowed nor want to grind another person while dancing, no one is allowed fondle us nor are we allowed grope anyone else etc. She doesn't mind women having a look at my abs, but running fingers along them is out of bounds, they're her abs, only she's allowed to enjoy them that way and she only likes me showing them off because she likes the pride of other women seeing what she has to enjoy and she does love my abs.
OP I think you're girlfriend wants to be authoritative on this issue, she feels bad and she feels guilty for it, I honestly think she wants you to reign her in on this issue and set it as a boundary. Just a simple "now that I think about while you're free to do it if you choose, I'd kind of prefer if you didn't, just to be clear I'm not going to give you crap if you slip up you have no reason to feel guilty or bad if it happens again by mistake, but please, for me, keep them for my eyes only." I do think she wants you to create that boundary, and I think you should OP, I mean it's making her feel bad and feel guilty and you have the power to stop her feeling that way and it honestly sounds like she wants you to say it's not okay so that she can get rid of that habit, have an excuse to not do it anymore and be able to tell guys she's not going to do it with a valid excuse. I mean right now she has no excuse not to do it if someone asks, "my boyfriend wouldn't be okay with that" is the best excuse any woman can have to not do something she doesn't want to.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 February 2013):
If it was me it'd bother me if it was a habitual thing.
Regarding men vs. women flashers: if a woman was flashing her vagina to strangers people would not be happy; I think it's a silly comparison. If a man wants to flash his chest nobody would care, would they?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Tell her it bothers you. I think that's what she wants to hear. If she knows it bothers you, she'll know you care.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I mean, if you really don't care, I suppose it's not a big deal. Although it is rather a bit odd, if you ask me. I know I wouldn't want anyone else seeing my girlfriend like that. But hey, that's just me. No harm, no foul, I suppose. You don't mind it, she likes to do it, her guy friends enjoy the show, then FLASH ON! Lol. It's only causing harm if it bothers you.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I think that this is playing with fire, man. Maybe if you're at Mardi Gras, okay. But flashing her friends for sport?
First off, she feels bad and guilty about it, so that's the foremost reason why this is a bad plan. She shouldn't be doing something that makes her feel bad. Secondly, her guy friends are just going to get the wrong impression of her. Are they really her friends? Or are they just hanging around her until they get another glimpse? And if any of these guys are potentially dangerous, her teasing could get her into a very bad situation.
I'm glad that you're easy going... and I think you're right not to try and control her. But for own safety and peace of mind, I think it's best for her to stop doing this asap!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 February 2013):
Uhh, why is it that when a girl flashes random guys, it's fun and arousing, but when a guy does it, he's registered as a sex offender??
That's sexually offensive, to be honest. It's irresponsible and immature. There's something seriously wrong with someone that needs to expose themselves in public for attention.
...............................
A
female
reader, 30anddating +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I think this is a cry for attention.She wants you to care hello!! Most women with self respect would never do such a thing. Something like showing a man that's not you boyfriend or husband you private parts should be a no brainier to most . Just tell her to stop and to save the flashes for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 February 2013):
 There is nothing non-sexual or appropriate about for a woman to be flashing guy friends. Does she flash female friends? How many women do you know that are in relationships or married that flash their male friends? Do you flash your female friends? Would you be comfortable doing that if you were all platonic friends?The fact that she feel guilty about this should clue you in. You don't feel guilt unless YOU yourself don't think your behavior is appropriate or acceptable. She feels guilty because she knows her intentions for flashing are wrong. I mean come on, what purpose could you possibly have for revealing yourself to men? Think about it: if you had a female friend and she was flashing you from time to time, what would you think she is gaining from this? Attention? Flirtation? Exhibitionism?This is not innocent. It's not normal - that is why she feels bad.
...............................
|
