A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 29-year-old male, in a loving relationship with a 27-year-old female. We've been together for about 5 years. We live together, and have a wonderful time. We never argue (**really**) and we haven't lost any intimacy or closeness.My problem is that, even though our sex life is great, I'm finding myself much more attracted to older women. I have no problems with my partner's personality or interests -- we get along perfectly, and we have so much in common, whether it be favourite books or music or films. I have no problems with her body or sex drive. My growing attraction to older women doesn't affect my ability or desire to make love to my partner. I just have this growing desire to make passionate love to an older woman, someone in her 40s or 50s.I really don't care about flirting with ladies of my generation. But I can't help flirting with older ladies, whether it's at work or even just at the supermarket. Something about them drives me crazy!I don't know what to do about this.(a) I don't want to jeopardize my relationship.(b) A male friend I confided in suggested that I find an escort in her 40s or 50s. Personally, I don't want to go down this road. And the attraction for me is not to this type of woman, anyway. I am more interested in seeing a married woman, perhaps one who might be lacking the attention she deserves sexually.All of this is leaving me very confused. Up until a couple of years ago, I really didn't have this fantasy. Any general advice? Is there anyone else who has been in this boat? If so, what happened?And to be blunt, is a relationship between a younger man and a much older woman, even a purely sexual one, more trouble than its worth? I'm not trying to be offensive. I just recognize that such a relationship might have challenges that a more traditional pairing would not have.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): I think the last two responses to your query have been unjustifiably harsh. As a retired relationship counsellor, I can tell you that your specific fantasy is certainly not unique, at least from what I have seen. Seeing as your current relationship is loving and fulfilling, it could simply be that, for you, the sense of challenge is over. You and your partner are making each other very happy, from what you say, so it seems that what you might really be attracted to is the idea of making someone happy, of building up a happy relationship anew. An unhappy wife of someone else is an opportunity to achieve this, as you have identified yourself.People who find themselves fantasizing a lot about the physical attributes of another type of lover often find it difficult to maintain sexual attraction to their current partner. In your case, you say you haven't lost any attraction to your partner, and that your sex life is good. This lends support to what I was explaining above, that you are more interested perhaps in the idea of making someone happy than in the physical side of a possible affair.As others have said, don't ruin a good thing. Focus your energy on making your partner happy -- even if you believe she is already as happy as she can be! You never know, you might reach new levels of happiness that both of you simply could not predict. Anyway, complacency can be a downfall for any relationship, even a very strong one, so it's good advice in any situation.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 "I just have this growing desire to make passionate love to an older woman, someone in her 40s or 50s."" I am more interested in seeing a married woman, perhaps one who might be lacking the attention she deserves sexually."You're interested in having sex, purely sex, with an older married woman who is being neglected by her husband? Yeah, that seems totally non-creepy. If you want to risk everything you have for some fun times with a miserable old housewife, hey, who will really stop you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 February 2013):
 I think what you are really saying is: "I have this child-like obsession about women who are more the age of my Mother..... and I'm quite certain that I'm willing to scuttle my age-appropriate relationship with a GREAT girl who loves me.... and who I have a GREAT relationship with.... but I'm still convinced that I should act out this childish fantasy. Can anyone give me a justification for ruining the relationship that I HAVE.... so that I can validate my screwing it up, completely, just to satisfy my childish fantasy????...."
Have I got that correct?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Just to be clear, do you want to date an older woman, or just have sex with one ?. And are you intending on cheating on your current girlfriend, or would you break up with her if you found another woman that you are interested in ?.I am in a relationship with a much older man. He is 21 years older than I am. I am 28 and he is 49. We get on really well, and have a great sex life. It depends on how much you have in common, whether you are compatible, and of course, that you are honest and faithful to one another. I personally find that I have been more compatible with him than I have with any men that are closer to my age.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (2 February 2013):
 To answer your question, Which really is what should you do about this, I'm going to offer clarification and advice.
You don't want to jeopardize your relationship. So having an affair, or even a one night fling with an older woman is something your girlfriend is never going to understand. So don't actually act on this fantasy.
A relationship between a committed man and a married woman is way way more trouble than it is worth. So don't act on this fantasy.
You are not as young as you think. In a few short months you will be 30. If you do nothing you will be in a relationship with an older woman in about 13 years.
OK now to some practical advice. Talk about this with your partner. Suggest some role playing. Fantasies are better when shared inside a trusting relationship. This fantasy could be played out fairly easily, make up and a costume and a rendezvous at a hotel would probably do it.
Some fantasies are better in your head than in your life. Generally this is true for anything involving someone outside of the relationship.
FA
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A
female
reader, jdxx  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 I don't think I'm the right person to be answering the questions you have, but just a suggestion.. Have you considered role playing out this fantasy with your partner who your clearly very happy with? Rather than put your relationship at risk by cheating.
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