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... Send *ot My Name a private message | | | *ot My Name's profile:I guess I am an analytical type of person who tries to consider all aspects of a situation from all angles and view it with logic rather than react with emotion. I am an observer of people and oft reflect upon human behaviour including my own which is not always ideal lol) and feel this has given me a pretty good perspective on the varying dynamics of human situations. Well most of the time anyway :-) I've always seemed to be the one being sought out by friends for advice.
I am a spiritualist by religion (yes - talking to dead people) but with a scientific approach. I am considered quite knowledgable in paranormal matters, and oft counsel and empower people having issues in that dept, but as comes with the turf will also help with people's problems. I am not a thou shalt do this and don't do that type tho, that mind control crap in many religions makes me sick! I think we answer to our own conscience at the end of the day and if we grow and learn from an experience no matter how moral or immoral it is percieved by others, then we are progressing as people which is what it is all about at the end of the day.
Realtionship staus - hmm, kinda complicated, maybe later :-) |
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How can I ease my nerves so that I feel more comfortable around guys?
Q. When I first meet a guy, I act normal and am fine. But when I start to notice that he likes me or I begin to like him, I turn into this nervous spaz. I feel like some lovesick teenager, even though I am in my 20's. I become this tongue-t...
A. 20 January 2010: If you notice a guy is attracted to you, then he likes you just the way you are, so don't try to change and become all flirty and falsely over confident - that is not what attracted him in the first place. Try to relax and be yourself coz bei... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying in this marriage when my husband admits to wanting to have sex with porn stars?
Q. Usually when I read questions about porn the answers state that the men are usually more interested in the acts than the women and 'he wouldnt really want to have sex with them'. However my husband openly admits he wanted to have sex with the porn...
A. 20 January 2010: Yeah he might wanna, but I think he is dreaming ..lol. It is nothing more than a fantasy, no diff to someone saying they wanna shag a cop, or a movie star, or whatever. It really has no substance, so I would not worry about it. ...or you co... (read in full...)
I know I've been played so how do I redeem myself?
Q. At one time, I was close with this guy. We were constantly in touch, whether it be online, texting, talking on the phone, or meeting up. I tried my hardest not to open up to this guy too much. But I couldn't help but trust him. First we started ...
A. 20 January 2010: I am not entirely sure that you were played. Why it it that he was supposed to react any differently to what you did, ..and you did say that you BOTH did not know how to act around each other. It is not like he used you and discarded you th... (read in full...)
I saved myself until the right guy came along, but now I have slept with him he told me about his past and it disgusts me!
Q. hi.. i have a pretty big problem with my boyfriend, im 18 he's 19. i had saved myself for someone who i cared about, and that person was him. i saved myself because didn't want to be another number on some guys list of conquests, another story to...
A. 20 January 2010: Unless he told you a different number before you slept with him, then he was not dishonest at all. There is no indication from your comments that he ever did lie about it. I don't get why people get hung up over what someone did before they were... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad calls to much, how to control my irritated anger towards my boyfriend?
Q. Is he in the relationship with me or his dad dating us too? what can I do to stop me from getting so angry when his dad calls? ;I feel his dad calls to much and I know they have a close relationship and recently his dad found out he has cancer b...
A. 20 January 2010: His dad has cancer, ...his dad may die! Your bf is not going to sit around if that happens regretting all the time he spent talking to him, ... he will sit around regretting all the times that he could have but didn't.
Now of all times is the t... (read in full...)
Just a misunderstanding or worse?
Q. I've been together with my bf for about 2 years now. The last time I went to see him something happened that I can't stop thinking about. One night when we went to have sex I guess he decided he wanted to try anal. There was no talking about it ...
A. 20 January 2010: She may not have used the word 'stop' , ..but she did say "I started to sob, say no repeatedly and tried to shove him off".
She made her wishes abundantly clear. She was objecting both physially and verbally, and where I come from NO means NO... (read in full...)
I'm quite daunted by the idea of first time sex.
Q. I'm quite daunted by the idea of first time sex. I'm almost 22 and still a virgin. Not to mention I hear that women prefer men with experience and are quite turned off of having to 'teach' someone at all. I know there may be 'some' that don't mind, ...
A. 20 January 2010: Yep, yep, yep to all the other comments, ...but thought I would suggest (for the actual intercourse bit) that you might feel a bit more relaxed if you happen to end up with an experienced woman if you get her to go on top the first time. That way ... (read in full...)
Just a misunderstanding or worse?
Q. I've been together with my bf for about 2 years now. The last time I went to see him something happened that I can't stop thinking about. One night when we went to have sex I guess he decided he wanted to try anal. There was no talking about it ...
A. 20 January 2010: An attempt at anal gone bad? ....hun, it did not go bad, it STARTED bad the second he decided to anally rape you. Yes rape - He did not have your consent and he ignored you saying no and trying to shove him off you!
As if that was not bad enou... (read in full...)
I got into a physical fight with my brother and now my boyfriend wants to beat the crap out of him.
Q. I am a 17 year old girl and well last night was a really bad night. My twin brother and me got in a physical fight. I was already really upset and he was just getting on my nerves because he was calling me names and saying stuff that was starting to ...
A. 19 January 2010: Silly boyfriend! Family and blood ties are forever, bf's come and go. He is just as likely to beat him up and then have you dirty on him for it once it all simmers down. Tell him you will sort your shit with your family in your own time and that it ... (read in full...)
Glutton for punishment
Q. I have had an intimate relationship with an older guy for 3 years, mind you, he has a girlfriend. I kept thinking he would break up with her and be with me. Last week he told me he was getting married, that he wanted to stop seeing me, I said my ...
A. 19 January 2010: He has made his decision, ..he did not choose you - end of story - at least it should be if you have any self respect!... (read in full...)
How do I tell the fiancee of the man I want that he cheated on her with me?
Q. A guy I have been sleeping with for 3 years gave me some beautiful jewelry for Christmas, sapphire necklace and earrings. He has a girlfriend, but was questioning their relationship, I thought this is a sign he wanted to be with me instead of her. I ...
A. 19 January 2010: Here is an idea - don't tell her! Sorry, ... but after being in a similar situation and having 'the other woman' tell me, I can't help but think that it was a psycho bunny boiler mentality that led her to do it regardless of if anyone thinks I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a body fluid fetishes
Q. My boyfriend is into all fluids that are produced by the body and his "fetish" has now gotten out of control. He wants me to take a laxative before anal sex so that i can s!%t on him during sex. If he's in my anus will the poop come out?.... and ...
A. 18 January 2010: Ah what the hell, if your gunna do something like this out of 'love' (and no I must not have ever loved anyone either if this is the benchmark ..lol) why not go all out. Screw the laxatives, ... just drink a tblspn of bi carb soda in water and an ... (read in full...)
As a male, does losing your virginity hurt?
Q. hi i'm 19 and havent had sex yet. and dont have a lot of expirience or know how about it either. i know losing your virginity can hurt if your a girl but what i want to know is is it the same for a male? thanks hope you can answer me...
A. 18 January 2010: bookoflove - I have no idea where you got that info from, but whoever told you that has no idea and would best not be consulted for sex info in future as you have been severly misinformed.
Being able to retract a foreskin, or having it removed ... (read in full...)
My husband has taken a lower paying job so that he can study and I am angry about it!
Q. My husband and I Married 1.5yrs together 10. We are both nurses and we moved from one side of the country to the other 1.5 years ago. When we moved my husband worked temp jobs for a little while and I did not seek employment do to anxiety and depr...
A. 17 January 2010: I employ someone with a 30 + year history of mental illness and anxiety disorder that manifests in panic attacks among other issues. She manages to be a productive member of society and contribute to her family, so I think it is not out of the ... (read in full...)
What is your definition of respect?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man who calls me the C word often for "acting like one". He feels this acceptable, am I missing something here? Men please describe your level of respect for and what kind of person fits the label? Ladies please let ...
A. 17 January 2010: I was seeing a guy briefly after ending a long term relationship. He made the mistake of caling me the C word. I refused to see him ever again, would not answer his phone calls, nor respond to text messages.It was an intant and total wipe off.
... (read in full...)
Caught wife with the vibrator by herself and didn't know what to do - what should I tell her?
Q. Been married for a long time and have a few kids. Sex drive for me has worn over the years, she can have sex a few times a week, seems like everyday to me. I can go a week or two before Im ready. Everytimbe we do Im always irritated because Im never ...
A. 17 January 2010: Coz of the situation, it probably would have made her feel better if you had of joined in, or at least stopped, had a look, and encouraged her by telling her what you told us - that it is a turn on.
As it is, I would probably just let that one... (read in full...)
We went too far too fast and now I feel resentful!
Q. i have been with my bf for 3-4 years, almost entirely long distance. It's so dumb to worry about but it's really getting under my skin recently how quickly we sexually progressed, especially after reading things on here like "if he's worth it/ if ...
A. 16 January 2010: Look, maybe he was looking for some quick sex, but maybe he actually truly fell for you. He didn't use you and discard you did he?
3 years must have some substance behind it right?
Yes, it kinda sucks how it eventuated initially, Yeah ... (read in full...)
She was my first, but I wasnt hers, and that makes me angry!
Q. She told me about one of the guys she has had sex with before me and Ive been wanting to kick his ass so bad. I saw him tonight and got so close but it didnt happen. She was staying with him when she got kicked out of her house and she had sex with...
A. 16 January 2010: It was consensual sex - no one is at fault. Why should anyone need to wear blame for a mutual act?
I can understand you may not like it, but just say you split up with her at some point, ... should she have not had sex with you incase the next... (read in full...)
I am 14 and really ready for a baby... got money and stuff, what do you think?
Q. hi, i am 14 and want a baby..ive cared for babys all of mii life n have the money for it...i kno a baby is alot of work and its all about the baby and u come last..but i dont care.. i wanna have a baby to love me and share their feelings wit me n ...
A. 16 January 2010: Babies/ children are not the way to gain a 'best friend'. You have to be a parent, role model, and sometimes disciplinarian - which means you are not neccessarily going to be viewed by them as a best friend. You'll no doubt be the ogre at some point ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my cousin that the guy she loves, is into BDSM? She has no clue.
Q. My friend, who is elder than me, is in love with my cousin. Lets call him 'B' and her 'G'. After some incidents, i found out that B likes BDSM and self bondage. B says he likes it very little. I'm sure G does not like BDSM. So B requested me not to ...
A. 16 January 2010: In response to the follow up ....
SO????
If he chooses not to bring it up with her, then obviously he aint planning to go there, .. so no prob, she is not gunna have the boundaries of her comfort zone 'potentially' challenged. If she would eve... (read in full...)
Should I tell my cousin that the guy she loves, is into BDSM? She has no clue.
Q. My friend, who is elder than me, is in love with my cousin. Lets call him 'B' and her 'G'. After some incidents, i found out that B likes BDSM and self bondage. B says he likes it very little. I'm sure G does not like BDSM. So B requested me not to ...
A. 15 January 2010: Let them sort it out.
He said he likes it a little, NOT that it is the only way he likes it. Obviously he is quite capable and content to not go there if he is happy to pursue a relationship where it MAY (and U don't know for certain your cuz... (read in full...)
Love? Lust? Infatuation? or Friendship?
Q. caring about him more than yourself sacrificing yourself for his happiness feeling his pain more than himself being attached to him so badly that you cant be without him[messaging every second, not letting him go out of station] sharing all yo...
A. 15 January 2010: Sounds more like obsession - and that is scary. The poor guy has no where to go but fall coz no one can live up to so many expectations. What if he wants a productive self assured woman who looks after herself, instead of one that neglects her... (read in full...)
Pregnant without having sex?
Q. dear cupid, my period is one day late. I am a virgin and I wonder if there is any possibility of me getting pregnant without having sex. if not, what is happening and what could be the causes. for the record, I have been menstruating since I was...
A. 15 January 2010: No, .. no chance you are pregnant, ... not unless you introduced semen in to you vagina by some other means. If not, then don't worry. That sort of thing only happens in really really old ficticious (imo) books ..lol. Periods can be irregular ... (read in full...)
A good hand job??? help
Q. so i have this friend. and we seem to do something everytime we hangout even though we are just friends! i dont know how it ends up happening. but the last to times we hung out i gave him somewhat of a hand job. it wasnt a real hand job because im ...
A. 15 January 2010: It depends on the guy. Most guys who are circumcised will have no issue with you touching the head. Well I have never know one to object anyway. Uncircumcised guys can be a lot more sensitive, but again the degree will depend on the individual. ... (read in full...)
Does she respect me and my love?
Q. my girlfriend won a bet and asked me to smooch her hard thrice .....we have done this before many times ....is she just using me to satisfy her needs ? i didnt speak a word and she soon realised that she was desperate, then she said was joking and ...
A. 15 January 2010: I am confused too. Wouldn't 'smooching' just be par for the course if she is your girlfriend? So how does kissing your girlfriend equate to be used, ... if she is in to you of course she wants to kiss you, ... but perhaps you are not that in to her ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want sex, and I have run out of ideas
Q. If your husband does not want to have sex with you for more than a year, will you divorce him or ?or stay with him , for the rest of your life? I really don't know what to do...I tried almost everything medical ,no problems, sex therapy ,spice u...
A. 15 January 2010: I left him ...lol. I did try talking to him, I did explain the damage it was causing, and I did get an answer out of him eventually - but the answer stung and only iced my resolve that there was nothing to work on if that was his piss poor attitu... (read in full...)
I am acting like a jerk because I want her to break up with me
Q. I think I need serious help. I haven't been happy one day in the past 3-4 months after I left my ex. I'm starting to get worried, i'm constantly thinking about her, and I'm always missing her. I'm with a girl I dont even like, I have lately stopped ...
A. 15 January 2010: Dont be a pussy. If you wanna break up with someone stop acting like a little boy to remove responsibility from yourself and just do it.
As for the ex - gee she sounds like a quality girl - not! Sleeping with your mate to rub it in, trying t... (read in full...)
Need ideas for my gf's birthday coming up!
Q. Hi all, Happy New Year! It is my girlfriends birthday coming up and I need some help thinking of a/some presents for her. I've done the usual - Necklaces, bracelets, Watch, and even an engraved pen before plus taken her on holiday, meals and shows ...
A. 15 January 2010: It depends on your girl, ... and maybe I am twisted lol, but visit this web site to see what my my man has in the mail as we speak for my upcoming birthday ..lol
a href="http://www.http://www.createamate.com/default.aspx"
Create-a-... (read in full...)
Suggestions about 'breaking up'?? Anyone know any good ones?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question. But i was wondering, does anyone know some songs about you and your girlfriend breaking up and then you replace her but start to realize shes the only one you need and you want her back. Prefera...
A. 15 January 2010: Without the replacement mentioned - but all else your looking for - a great song once given to me in a break up was Hammerfall's - Always Will Be.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of going further with him but have no idea how to tell him!
Q. Hi, I am a little confused at the moment. I'm 14, nearly 15 in a couple of months, and I've been with my boyfriend who has just turned 15 for about 1 month and a half now, and we get on really well. We've never argued and he's always telling me he ...
A. 15 January 2010: Getting the teeny tiny slippery coated birth controls pills down will be a walk in the park compared to getting a baby out.
Besides condoms anything worth using will require a visit to the doc's. You should not need to take your mum to go to th... (read in full...)
I have met my perfect girl and yet am unable to perform!
Q. Why can?t I stay hard? I bet you?ve heard a lot of questions like this, but I?m at my wit?s end. I?m a healthy, active 22 year old male. A month ago I got out of a 4 year relationship with a woman who I loved, but felt nothing for for over 6 ...
A. 14 January 2010: Sounds like a classic case of performance anxiety that can tend to happen when you're particularly in to someone.
Don't worry, I am sure you will get over it in time, ... never known a guy not to if that was the issue, so try not to let yourself... (read in full...)
My b/f's friends are into weed and I am having trouble accepting it!
Q. Hi - I have just moved countries to be with my boyfriend and I am just starting to get to know his estabished friends most of whom he knows through sport. He has been cagey about me meeting them, even though I was really looking forward to it, and ...
A. 14 January 2010: If they are not hurting anyone but themselves and treat others with decency, then who cares what others get up to.
Personally I feel there are a lot more social and family problems due to alcohol but that get's over looked coz you can buy it a... (read in full...)
I am not sure how much cum is normal
Q. hi i have a new gf and the other night after sex we go talking about how much cum is normal. she told me her x would cum loads. what is the normal amount and do womon prefer more or less...
A. 14 January 2010: ROFL - I just had a little snoop around the net and it seems 5-10 ml is considered fairly standard, with 20 ml considered very excessive.
Now I am just scratching my head coz I have seen a helluva lot more than that come out, .. and it can't be... (read in full...)
I am not sure how much cum is normal
Q. hi i have a new gf and the other night after sex we go talking about how much cum is normal. she told me her x would cum loads. what is the normal amount and do womon prefer more or less...
A. 14 January 2010: Some guys do tend have vastly more ejaculate than others, but I can't say I have gotten any to off load in a measuring jug to give you some ranges. I bet it is something you could easily google and find out tho.
As for womens preferences, ....like... (read in full...)
I was worried I might be pregnant so I dreamt I had a child with four eyes
Q. Ok, so I don't really know how to say this, and I'm pretty it's all going to sound like a worried, scared teenage girl asking for help, but that's exactly what it is, so I'm sorry. Basically, last night my boyfriend and I had sex, and though I've ...
A. 14 January 2010: Depo shot's can take 2-4 weeks to be fully effective so yes, you should be using some other form of birth control in the mean time. A condom that will also help protect you from STI's/STD's would be ideal even when the depo shot kicks in.
The l... (read in full...)
When it came down to it... why did he not do what he was dying to do?
Q. I started a fight with my bf ealier today, i felt bad. So to make it up to him I told him he could do a certain sexual act on me that for months and months i told him he couldn't b/c it just wasn't my cup of tea. Well I figured he'd just jump r...
A. 14 January 2010: ...coz no one likes charity sex?
I know I would knock something back if only offered as compensation to mask another issue.... (read in full...)
Do you still think it's safe for me to meet him?
Q. PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a ...
A. 14 January 2010: I doubt he even dreamt that to be honest. I think he was letting you know what he is in to and testing the waters for your reaction.
Two weeks in tho and comments like this would make me take a back step. For me,I have to establish a deep mut... (read in full...)
Divorce woes..how to deal with my ex over settlement.
Q. Going through a divorce. I'm allowing my husband to keep our house, but asking that he re-finance to buy me out of my 1/2, plus I'm asking for 1/2 of his pension. We live in a community property state, so this is the law and we were married for over ...
A. 13 January 2010: If he does not want to re finacnce then point out to him that you can enforce the sale of the house instead, both walk away with approx $100,000 each (after paying the loan out) in which case, were he to buy a similar property he would still be in ... (read in full...)
How can I find love, and keep it?
Q. How does a person go about finding love and keeping it? ...
A. 13 January 2010: I think love finds us, and in my experience when not even looking for it.
That said I have only truly loved two men (rest were just lust) and one I met through a mutual friend, another in the supermarket.
So I guess get out socializing and ... (read in full...)
Should I end my marriage due to my wife cheating for a year whilst denying it all that time...
Q. I have been married for 10 years and we have one 9 year old child. My wife is 8 years my junior, she is 42. I first suspected my wife cheating over a year ago based on the usual e.g., not answering the phone when I am around and sleeping with the ...
A. 11 January 2010: If compliments are her thing - then try complimenting her more. Not a be all to end all solution, but certainly it has to be a start to address whatever it was she was looking for/went in for, that must have been lacking in your relationship with ... (read in full...)
Why did he invite his ex to the funeral?
Q. I have just found out that prior to marrying me, my husband who i had been dating for about four monthes asked his ex girlfriend (the mother of his only child who is ten years old) to go to his mums funeral. He emailed her solely and told her first ...
A. 11 January 2010: It is not about loving her mum, it is about respecting her as the mother of his child, ... and the FACT that she is the mother of his mum's grandchild and SHOULD be there for that child if nothing else! Why can't you understand this?
Perso... (read in full...)
Why did he invite his ex to the funeral?
Q. I have just found out that prior to marrying me, my husband who i had been dating for about four monthes asked his ex girlfriend (the mother of his only child who is ten years old) to go to his mums funeral. He emailed her solely and told her first ...
A. 11 January 2010: ...coz she is the mother of his child, the mother of the deceased's grandchild, ... it was respectful and courteous, and also not offensive to the child that his mother disregarded his grandmother by not being in attendance, ... what more reason do ... (read in full...)
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