A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend, who is elder than me, is in love with my cousin. Lets call him 'B' and her 'G'. After some incidents, i found out that B likes BDSM and self bondage. B says he likes it very little. I'm sure G does not like BDSM. So B requested me not to tell G. He says his likeness to BDSM won't hamper his sex life with G and she won't find any difference in him. But saying this can ruin his relationship with her. So what should i do? If boyfriend likes BDSM but won't share with girlfriend and girlfriend don't like it, then will it creat any problem if they are married? G is still a virgin and wants to remain virgin until marriage. She loves him deeply. She wants to get married to him.
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cousin, sex life, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I've decided not to tell her.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 In response to the follow up ....
SO????
If he chooses not to bring it up with her, then obviously he aint planning to go there, .. so no prob, she is not gunna have the boundaries of her comfort zone 'potentially' challenged. If she would even find it challenging at all.
I think you are going to butt in and tell her anyway, but I hope you realize that these two people may have a long and happy marriage and that you interfering may affect both of their lives. It is not up to you to decide what MIGHT be a prob for another and set about bringing things up that could easily either be left by the way side,(as indicated) or that may be OK AS THE RELATIONSHIP AND DEPTH OF BONDING PROGRESSES!
He may not plan on telling her now, but shit, I would have had my man running a mile from things he will participate in now that we have that bond, if I had have laid it on him before having a chance to build that connection. I would have been very dirty too on anyone not letting our interaction unfold at it's own pace as it feels right and comfortable to.
What you think might trip your cousin now, may be somethign that IN TIME, if encountered at all, is something that their level of love and trust in one another would allow for. Let them build that b/n them tho so that if it does come up in future, it can be met with a response relevant to where they are at with each other - not with a reaction to where they are now when it is not even on the table.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): They probs haven't even had sex yet, when they start it'll come out! Don't worry about it , and plus people are very private about fetishes, it may even turn out that she likes it too! -YOU can NEVER be sure
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx all. The problem is he is determined not to tell her about that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): he will tell her eventually , stay out of it x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 January 2010):
I wouldn't tell her. It will come out in time, when he's ready to tell her. What she does then is up to her.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (15 January 2010):
Let them sort it out.
He said he likes it a little, NOT that it is the only way he likes it. Obviously he is quite capable and content to not go there if he is happy to pursue a relationship where it MAY (and U don't know for certain your cuz wont get intrigued and perhaps wanna explore at some point)not feature.
He has said it wont interfere with him having a relationship with her, so clearly he is content enough with her to not insist upon it or he would be off looking for a bdsm inclined partner. Therefore I don't think it is your place to interfere and speculate for them how it would pan out if it did crop up.
How hardcore are we talking here anyway? Bit of bondage, some rough and tumble,slap and tickle? I think you will find many people who dont consider themselves right in to the dom/sub scene go in for a bit of that and it is no big deal. He prob is only lightly in to it if he can take it or leave it.
If that is the level we are refering to, then I think you will find, if agreed to be explored and one partner was not in to it, that it would not be such a compulsion in the other to actually effect a relationship.
Your cuz might even like it if she tried it, and even she may not know yet if it would float her boat, so leave it up to him to test the waters with her if he chooses to.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
You stay WELL out of it.
It's none of your business.
You can advise one that they should be open about these things before marriage but they will hate you go telling tales on the other.
Good Luck!! xx
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