A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok im 18 now and before i tell u my story i have a question.. why is it that when somebody young ends up pregnant they are judged and discouraged. sometimes even pretty much told to have an abortion..when we can be just as good as parents as some 30 year old and sometimes even better. Its not just teens mistreating their kids so why does it seem like we get more critisim?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): "when we can be just as good as parents as some 30 year old and sometimes even better."
'Good' parents don't blow their own horns or defend their parenting skills or disparage other parents. They are too busy devoting all their time and energy to raising 'good' kids, the only standard of measurement for parental success.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 @Natasia : ?? The average age for first childbirth in Poland is one of the lowest in EU , only before Slovakia, Lettonia, Lituania , but is still 27.9 years. So probably having kids at 18 is less "normal "- in the meaning of usual - than you perceive .
29% of all children are at risk of poverty in Poland ,- against the EU average of only 19%- and it goes to a whopping 48% if we only consider children from monoparental families , i.e. single mom plus kid (s).
These monoparental families are 1 out of 6 families in Poland and are, not surprisingly, constituted for the most part of YOUNG, uneducated, hardly employable mums . Which makes waiting to get pregnant perhaps less "daft " on second thought ?
Of course, monoparental families , as well as "regular " families under a certain level of income, can claim from the State various forms of subsidies and benefits for each child, .... which in part explains , I guess, the more relaxed , "all are welcome " attitude to precocious maternity.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 I agree - it is very unfair, and pretty daft, I think.
In other countries - even other European countries - it isn't a problem. For example, in Poland it is perfectly normal to have babies when you are 20, 21 or so, and if someone just happens to be 18 then it isn't seen as a big problem. Poles generally tend to welcome babies, whatever the circumstances - they do genuinely have more respect for the gift of children, I think. (am talking about Poles as am with one and have seen a lot of their ways, and am pretty impressed by a lot of it).
In the 1960s and 70s here it was still normal to have kids in your early 20s. It was only when the idea of women going to university and having a career really took off that then it started to be that if you were SENSIBLE you would work on your career first, and have a baby when you had 'enough' money to support yourself. And that is when it started being considered really really bad to get pregnant young.
But you're right - younger mothers can be just as fantastic as older ones - and in some ways are better, as younger, more energy, less baggage, etc. I honestly think you have to try and just forget the negative things you hear - it is mostly a load of nonsense.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): Most adults can't afford kids, let alone teenagers. That is already reason enough right there.
It is also a scientific fact that your brain's judgement abilities are not mature until your early/mid-20s. As a teenager you have adult intelligence and an adult physical body, but you aren't finished growing yet in the final most important area.
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male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (21 January 2012):
I think its because good teenage parents are the exception and not the rule.while I'm sure you can be an excellent teen parent, many usually split up, end up struggling to take care of the kid, and honestly struggle to take care of themselves. In psychology, many ppl believe tht the brain does not stop developing until the middle 40's! That means that even at 25, we are still struggling to be adults. That is a lot of pressure for a teen. Its hard to help a child with its development when u are not even halfway through your own. Even with that being said, it doesnt mean that all adults are capable of taking care of kids. Nor does it mean that all teens are not capable. Im sure u will be a good parent.
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female
reader, supermum +, writes (21 January 2012):
 I got pregnant at 15 and gave birth a week after my 16th birthday. I am a brilliant mum. I support myself and my baby, she is healthy and happy, I give her all the love and support she needs and have allways kept her safe.
Having said that, becoming a teen mum is HARD. Do I wish I had waited until I was older? Hell yes. Those sleepless nights, the tantrums, the makeup all over the carpet and walls, the embarrassing things they say when you have company, the staying up when they have nightmares, the keeping them occupied.... it is a lot to take on.
Your teen years are supposed to be about discovering yourself, making stupid mistakes, having the worst ever hangovers, being generally stupid, learning, growing and maturing. Having a baby makes you grow up quick, and you miss out on those vital years.
People give teens a hard time because they tend to do stupid things. And are more often than not suported by the state. You cannot be be a teenager and a mum. You either need to grow up super quick, or you need to practice safe sex.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 January 2012):
 'When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." I had 3+ boyfriends during my teenage years. Each of whom I was sure was my soulmate I was destined to marry. You could of talked to me until you were blue in the face and not convince me otherwise. Thank God I didn't procreate. If you think a teenager can be a good parent, just think what a super great parent they will be after they actually become a rational adult.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 January 2012):
Because being a good parent is more, and different, than being a good babysitter , which also a teen can be.
A good parent , for instance, is someone who has the patience and the dignity to delay instant gratification and have kids when she is able to support them decorously herself. Without needing to count on HER parents, or worse Government funded programs, or the tax payers's pockets for financial help.
In places where there is a National Health System, it's even worse. All the money that goes for pre and post natal care , childbirth assistance , and in many cases a C section with longer hospital stays for some broody 16 y.o. adds up to very relevant resources taken away from other more important stuff , like research. Or free cancer screenings.
So, IMO , it's strictly : do you want to be a young mom ? Sure honey, but on your dime, not mine.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 January 2012):
 It's not because people think teens don't love their children or physically abuse them, but in our society teens are considered barely beyond children themselves. For the most part teenagers aren't able to support themselves, let alone themselves PLUS a kid.
Teens also are supposed to be still growing up, experiencing life to the fullest, and doing all the crazy stuff you aren't supposed to do when you grow up. You can't do that if you have a kid.
Teenagers should still be in school too, so that's a huge portion of the day their child will be unattended. How will a teenager who's still in school afford expensive child care?
Also children cost a lot of money to raise and teenagers, unless they inherit something or start an internet company and sell it for millions of dollars, do not have much money to support a child.
There also aren't many teens who are capable of creating a stable family environment for their kids with their partner alone. Most teens rely more than an adult would on their parents or grandparents to raise the child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): Ever watched 16 and pregnant? But mainly people are so against it because most teenagers can't afford it so quite often other people (e.g the taxpayer) end up paying for the upbringing of someone else's child. It shows a lack of common sense, irresponsibility and selfishness, all of which aren't great traits to have as parents.
If the teens in question can afford it without handouts, are responsible and have thought it through, then the reputation is undeserved.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Even though I'm a teen, I'll reply. I believe teens get more criticism because it's something that shouldn't be happening, especially when they're under 18. What teenager can be a truly good parent when they're still kids themselves and haven't learned even half of what they need to teach their kids? The teen may be doing a good job raising and teaching, but even if she is, she would have been a better parent if she had waited. You're right,it's not just teens mistreating their kids, but they still don't and can't give them the best parenting as a teen. Teens will always get criticism for this, but they just need to move forward and do what's best for the child.
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 January 2012):
Parenting is more than just caring about your kid. Its about providing for the child. Grandparents (your parents) normally help in any case but unless you are an independently wealthy teenager, you are going to be dumping the lot of financial responsibility on them.
Mistreatment is not the real issue. Its a matter of interrupting your life, and not being able to fully provide for a kid. Kids are expensive. Don't ignore that.
I am in favor of birth control and adoption myself.
It has to be tough for teens to ignore not just their desire to have sex, but children too. You are given the ability at a young age, but the modern society makes it so impractical to have children until you are into your 20s.
In frontier days, people were working, raising families and owning homes at the age of 12-13. Teenagers were basically adults then.
The modern society prevents teenagers from being adults in so many more ways than just this one.
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