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How can I deal with complex emotions and the feelings I have that my life will spiral out of control if I break up with her? Sexually she no longer appeals

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Health, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2016) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My question has so many angles I realy dont know how to sum it up. There are so many parts that need more explaining but I simply cant fit them all in. I will try to summarise.

I am a 47 year old male. I come from a broken familly. I have been abusing drugs since 14, been addicted to opiates and benzos for at least 25 yrs.

My life has been very bleak for ages. I screwed up my education, I have no skills, no qualifications, no job references I am at the bottom of the pile. I havent had a job for over 25+ years.

I have had no money, home, belongings etc for "ever"

I was literally living in a cardboard box, begging. That all changed a couple of years ago. God only knows how but I met somebody, this person took me in, housed me , fed me, clothed me, gave everything. I gone from homeless junky scum to a wonderful place where I am safe, I have clothes.

I am secure, clean Ive literally been scoped up from the gutter.

The person who saved me is 21 years older than me. My life has changed beyond belief. I have clean clothes, I eat healthy food, I even have regular holidays.

I have a life that shouldnt really exist. The trouble is deep inside I am living a lie, I love this person, she is my salvation but I dont love her the way she loves me.

I wish I could.

But I dont find her sexually attractive, I feel terrible saying this but I feel like a prostitute. I have ' DUTY SEX ' but I am trapped.

If I didnt have this person I know that I would be back on the streets, back on drugs, stealing food to survive. Its eating me from the inside.

I love this woman believe me and it hurts me to see just how much she adores me.

Life has never been so good, Rich, Holidays, Food etc but I know that its wrong. It would break her heart if you had any idea that this is how things are but what do I do ? I dont want to go back on the streets n drugs.

I've got it good, I couldnt never had this quality of life and its far to late to start again.

There is so much more to this that needs explaining but cant get fitted in on this page. Gods, please help me, I feel so guilty for doing this but if you only new more about my background !!!!!!!!

View related questions: drugs, money, prostitute, trapped

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (19 May 2016):

That's why we're here, to help. Come back any time if u need us. This is a site where genuine, caring people give advice x

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntWe are always here to listen and to help :-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Bless you all for answering. I really appreciate your advice. I have left all the people that gave me advice 5 stars. You are indeed lovely people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want to thank Myau, Honeypie, Keeley345 and aunt honesty. Thank you so very much for your great advice. It has really made me think and I would love to explain more about my problems. I feel so much better, I cant believe that I have had this turmoil going round and round in my head and never considered that there are kind and understanding people out there that are prepared to read my problems and give their time and wonderful advice. Bless you all.

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (19 May 2016):

Myau agony auntIts time to be honest with yourself.

You have 3 options.

1. Leave her and end up back where you were.

2. Stay with her and accept that this is your lot in life.

3. Get your act together, get off the drugs or at least cut them back and get a job. Now that you have your own money you can leave her and have the life you always should have.

Understand that life isn't about having everything, its about appreciating what you do have.

If you choose 1, you will be miserable and probably dead within 5 years or so.

If you choose 2. You will be happy.

Lets face it, you wont choose 3.

You already know what to do here. So just focus on what you like about her and you will be fine.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 May 2016):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe you need to do two things.

1. learn to become independent or at least HELP with the bills (even if she can well afford it) I don't think it's EVER too late in finding your own independence.

2. talk to her. I think you OWE her to be honest. You on the other hand, do NOT owe her sex. Caring about her and for her, that is fine, she seems like a great person with a good heart. And you CAN love her for that.

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2016):

Im happy life's improved so much for you. But in my opinion while its great to have people love and support us in whatever way, its important to learn to stand on our own 2 feet. You're old enough to be able to survive on your own. Sure, life was a nightmare for you once upon a time, but that's in the past. You need to start planning for your future.

You say you don't love this lady. Its not your fault you don't. Also even though she has done so much for you, you don't owe her anything nor are you obliged to remain with her. Its best not to hurt her or for it to seem like you're using her. My advice is...sort your future out e.g make plans and when you're done, bid her farewell and leave her unhurt. Lie and say you no longer love her but wish her well and will always be grateful for all she's done for you.

Part of me wonders if you're afraid to leave for some reason? If this is true you need to do some soul searching. You're still young by today's standards and there is a life out there for you which will include true love and success.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (18 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntI can see why you feel guilty, but remember she is the one that choose to help you, she cannot force you to love her, but she can help you. I think personally that you need to tell her the truth. Don't be blunt but just gently tell her you love her but you are not in love with her. It is the kindest thing to do in the long run. Who knows she may very well say she already knew that but she was lonely and wants to spend her life with you. If you are truthful to her and she still wants you to stay well then maybe you will feel less off a prostitute, because you do not owe her sex. I can see why you feel guilty and I can also see why you would do it, you have been in a very dark place. But I think you should be honest with her.

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