A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last year I lost the weight that I gained in winter time.One of my co worker congratulated me and said I look great and not to lose anymore.However, now almost every time I see her she always makes a reference to my weight and tells me that I'm getting too skinny.She says this every time she sees me which is maybe few times a month as we work opposite shifts.Today she was like"you're getting too skinny! you're going to break! It's starting to get to me. Next time I'm thinking to pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or I'll go to ER. thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2016): I was shamed and humiliated for being slim. It really brought me down. Nobody would dare do it to someone overweight..at least not in a persistent way. Commenting over and again on body weight or any appearance is WRONG. Just tell them to stop and that its got boring and just sounds obsessive. It's actually 'shame on them'.
A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (25 May 2016):
I had a similar problem with a gay male friend who used to skinny shame me. That's what he was doing. I was accused of having an eating disorder even though I had never done or said anything that would make anyone think I did. I'm a healthy weight, height for my BMI. I've always been small even as a child. No one in my family is obese. My doctor says I'm in excellent health and even said to me once when I went to get a new prescription for the pill "Wow! Keeley you're looking amazing!" Yet my friend used to take digs at my weight,like call me 'painfully thin'. This friend is an overweight alcoholic! So the nastiness we're getting may be from their own insecurity. We're being body shamed and its wrong! I put my friend in his place about it. I told him that no one else had issues about my weight and body yet he was obsessed with me. Your friend needs to be told to stop it with the hurtful comments. There is no excuse for it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 May 2016):
 A few tactics for you to consider:
Write down word for word what she’s said repeatedly on a sheet of paper, put it in an envelope with her name on it and the words “World’s Greatest Psychic” in the return address space.
In another envelope, put a fake signed note from your doctor stating that you are in excellent health with appropriate body weight.
When you know you’ll be seeing her, make sure you have it in your hand. When she says those words, produce the first envelope with a grand flourish, like a magician. “Voila! Marybeth, I just saw the World Greatest Psychic and she gave me this to give to you. She wrote down what she thought you’d say when you saw me, and here it is!” Make a great production of opening the envelope. Open up the paper and carefully read aloud the words written on the sheet. Read it again, with emphasis. “You’re getting too skinny!”
“But wait, there’s another envelope! My psychic contacted my doctor and asked her to write something for you too! Here it is!”
Open second envelope with equal flourish and read aloud the fake letter from doctor to Marybeth.
Smile at her. “Marybeth, obviously I’ve gone to some trouble to make a point to you. I hope that in the future you can find something else to say to me, and stop commenting on my body and my weight. There are many ways people body shame others, and I guess you may not realize that you have overstepped the boundaries of courtesy. I am asking you to stop saying to me that I am too skinny. I’ve tried being polite about it but I felt I needed to make it perfectly plainly clear to you. Thanks for listening, I hope you have a good day.”
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Or more simply, when she says the phrase “you’re too skinny,” pause, look at her a long moment. Take a deep breath. Say to her, “Marybeth, you may not realize that you have said those exact words every single time we’ve met for a year. Every. Single. Time. For a year. Every single time.
“Marybeth, I feel I need to take a moment and turn this interaction into a teaching moment. Do you realize that everyday all over the world, women are body shamed? We are body shamed for being too big, too flat, too short, too tall, too dark, too light, too muscular, too thin, too something. It’s a subtle thing, body shaming. I don’t think you realize it, but you are body shaming me when you say that comment to me. It’s hurtful, it’s annoying and I am asking you to stop and think before you say something like that to anyone.
“So Marybeth, in the interest of keeping our work relationship cordial and professional, I am going to step aside for a moment, then I will come back and we can start our hellos and conversation all over again, without the body shaming, okay? I like you and other than your repeated and unwanted commenting on my body, I don’t have anything to complain about with you.
“So let’s start a new page, together, shall we? After a year, it’s time to say goodbye to comments about weight and instead, talk about something else.”
step away for a moment.
Walk up to her as if you’d just seen her, “Hello, Marybeth, so great to see you today! How are you enjoying what passes for Spring around here?” Smile.
You’ve made your point.
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Now it’s time to learn to ignore, redirect or challenge as needed. Practice what you are going to say in front of a mirror.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 May 2016):
 Yeah, next step would be calling her on it. Specially since ignoring it didn't work.
And I agree with wherelifewouldtakeus and SVC - by either make it a non-issue (SVC's option) or shutting her down with humor ( wherelifewouldtakeus' option). Or a combination of the two:
Saying: "Seriously, are you still stuck on my body and weight? You have brought it up for a WHOLE year, how about we change the subject finally? I'm kind of done with the subject" it's a nice way to call her on it, it doesn't make it seem like you are too sensitive, but it also shows her that enough is enough.
OP, IF you are HAPPY with your weight-loss, you need to learn not to give a fly's fart about what SHE (or other random people) think. YOU didn't lose the weight for HER, you lost it for you. For your health. So SCREW what she thinks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies for your response :).I've tried ignoring her but it hasn't worked. She's been saying this since last YEAR! some of my co-workers have commented on my weight loss but it was a one time thing.They don't say this every time they see me unlike her...which is why it's starting to get to me.Every time she sees me she comments on my weight
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 May 2016):
 BTDT... IT takes folks a while to get used to our weight loss...in addition if you are still new to it, it's probable that you will have a bit of bounce back and that's normal too.
Basically she's just not saying it right... what you can do to shut her down is smile at her (that smile we smile at people that are so damn annoying but they think it's a nice smile) and say
'Thank you for your concern I will take it under advisement.'
then turn and go on your way.
USE this phrase EVERY TIME she says "you are too thin" the exact same phrase.. practice it in the mirror till it rolls off your tongue like you just don't care....
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus +, writes (23 May 2016):
 Why don't you just be blunt with her? yet keeping it light and playful?
tell her not again, we are talking about my weight again?. this is all you talk about everytime we meet. there is a whole bunch of other things to talk about. come on! make a whole bunch of exasperating remarks and eye rolls and move on from it. It is not that deep certainly not deep enough to send her to the Emergency room.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 May 2016):
"Next time I'm thinking to pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or I'll go to ER."
You mean HR, right? No need to put her in the ER!!
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And yes, you should tell her to stop commenting on your body. I would just say, "Can you please stop with all the compliments to my weight loss, I'm still rather self-conscious. "
My guess is she comes from a place of meaning well, but she isn't aware that it has actually turned rather hurtful.
This is why I'd use the term "compliments" instead of "comments". Because it makes the "talk to" less harsh. She won't feel it as you lashing out at her, if you choose the right words. There is NO need to be "rude" back. KEEP it classy.
If that doesn't work and she keep making comments I would actually IGNORE her, rather than go to HR. But maybe that is just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2016): This one is tricky.
My best friend did that to me.
Every day she would comment on how I shouldn't lose any more, how I don't eat enough, how I exercise too much.
She's not fat, but she has food addictions and doesn't exercise. So you get the picture.
I stopped paying attention. I stopped engaging in that type of conversation. I would change the subject immediately.
I don't know about your colleague, but in my case this was caused by a little bit of jealousy. She thought that she would forever be young and cute, that she wouldn't have to work for her physical appearance.
I don't know if this tactics helps, but if anything I now how you feel. At one point she stopped.
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