A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what to do. I was looking for a partner on the site not a fwb ( friends with benefits) as i want to have a baby but i dont have much time on my side. I told my friend i wanted more than fwb but he doesnt want to talk about it in detail basically shrugs and skirts round conversations like this and doesnt want the situation to change. Its going to take time finding someone then getting to know them and establishing a relationship and by the time that is done ill be mid 40s. I did think of sperm donation but me personally i want the little family unit.I looked into adoption but after what my friends went through i would be nearer 50 years old by the time i got to have a child. Im wondering do i keep the fwb and see if anything develops or put a stop to it ? i am still looking for a potential partner i havent stopped, it just seems to be so hard as most of the men on the site are looking for the impossible and want so called perfect like 'celebrities'
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2019): Im the op. He is on a family holiday at the minute but i have decided to end things with him. im not sure if i should message him now to tell him we need a chat or just wait until he is back in just over a week
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 June 2019):
 Put a stop IMMEDIATELY.
There’s probably less than 1% of FWBs that ever develop into a relationship. A FWB is a way of stating ‘I like you enough to have sex with you, but not as a partner’. If you want a relationship, this is NOT the way to go about it! Move on.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2019):
 Stop the fwb, its holding you back. You know what you want, and you need to find that person who wants the same and says it out loud. Until you find that person, say «next!»
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 June 2019):
 OP, how long are you going to wait before using a sperm donor? The little family unit may not be on the cards in the way you’ve imagined. If you can afford to have a baby on your own, then you don’t need to give up on the baby dream.
I’m not saying you have to use a donor now but, if you do want a baby someday, you may have to give up on the fantasy version. Some people have kids (either through sperm donor or ex-partner/spouse), then find a great partner for 30+ years. A good partner is definitely not something you should settle on and you absolutely shouldn’t get into an FWB situation if that’s not what you want.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (21 June 2019):
 OP do not settle. If you don't want a FWB relationship then do not get involved in one. You are just spinning your wheels wasting time while you could be out finding Mr. Right. This man is "Mr right now". You don't have to give up your dream, just realize that this man isn't going to be part of your dream. Its ok to want and need more but don't waste precious time waiting for someone to change. He won't.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (21 June 2019):
 You've tried to explain to your FWB that you want more but he avoids the discussion because he does NOT want more. At least not with YOU.
Sweetheart, you are worth better and you NEED better. Walk away and keep looking for what you want. This man is NOT for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2019):
 I'd let this one go.
It seems he doesn't SEE you as relationship material, JUST someone to TALK to, HANG with and have SEX with. Basically HE gets the GF, experience with you WITHOUT having to commit. Which also means... when he DOES find someone he wants to BE in a relationship, he will drop you like a rock.
If the dating site you have used only produced MOSTLY bad dates, try something new. New site or new approach.
DO NOT waste your time on a guy who wants to USE your for HIS entertainment until he finds "better".
That isn't a "perfect" guy. That's an asshat!
You can do better than that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): End it with this dude. He's told you you're not looking for the same thing. Then decide if you want to have a baby by yourself more than you want to hold out for the chance of the 'unit'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): You met him after a few shady dates so why cant you meet someone else and who knows they might be on the same page!
I disagree with you, most older men are more realistic in their expectations and actually look past looks more, I think you maybe need to look at more reputable dating sites or try meeting them a different way, maybe joining groups or taking up a hobby where its group related.
He has made it clear he isn't wanting the same so why waste your time and keep investing in someone when it's going nowhere?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): It's time to get realistic. Compromises will have to be made. You currently want to:find a man, form a stable relationship, try for a baby, have a baby. Having found a partner that time line at best speed is likely to take 3 years. And you havent found one yet!
This guy is a waste of time. He can't even commit to you let alone to your family unit. Asking a guy who just wants to be friends if he wants to be a Dad is like asking to borrow twenty quid, being turned down, then asking if you can borrow a grand instead!
You need to pin down what you really want. Now. And go for it.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 While your wasting time on this dude your missing out on finding someone who wants the same as you. Put your time and energy into finding that someone. People start families later in life and so be it if thats what suits them. I have a few friends both male and female that have had children in their 40's. The oldest being 47.
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