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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I began a part time job at a fast food place where my son works to earn extra money and to keep an eye on him. (He's mildly autistic and often misunderstood). This isn't the problem. The problem is my co-worker "Xena". Yesterday, a man came in and ordered the biggest meal we have, added a Patty and bacon and large sized it. Then he added another medium sized meal to go with it. I simply took his order carefully to make sure igot the order right and determined that it was for "here". I forgot about it until Xena handed it out.She said up to me (this woman is about five years my senior) and said, "he's about to eat all that by himself" o...k... I wasn't sure who she was talking about till she clarified, "That fat guy 'Clark' with the big order, he's gonna eat all that." All I said was, "it's not funny"I didn't know what else to say. He comes in frequently so I recognize him but now I'm worried she'll run her mouth some more. I don't know why it bothered me so much with this guy, this isn't the first time she's food-shamed a customer.More than once she'll make snide comment about other customers like, "yeah, like she needs a milk shake" or, "yeah, right, a salad". I'm afraid a customer is going to hear her sometime and assume that I'm complicit. I'm not. I guess I'm just venting but I don't know if I acted right this time.It's not funny when a person can't stop eating. It's not funny when they're anorexic. It's not funny when their nose or teeth or spine is crooked. None of that is funny. This is why I prefer to work with my son - to protect him from ppl like Xena. People who are well into adulthood and should know better.Should I say something more to Xena, go to management, or just mind my own business?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2019): And one more thing to add, people who feel the need to put others down are not happy with themselves deep down, as/if/when you tell her you aren't happy with her comments try and remember this woman may well be insecure and bullies have often been bullied so try and tell her without being defensive and on the attack, she may stop and think if you say it the right way x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2019): Thanks for the update OP I'm going to add something here, you're clearly a fantastic mum and a decent lady but you cannot always protect your son and this is a learning curve for him that adults can almost certainly be as bad as playground bullies.
Try to not fight his battles because like you I have a child and it's a mother's instinct to no matter what. So long as he can open up to you and you can see he is fine step back and allow him to learn human behaviour comes in different forms.
I stand by, have a word next time she does it, if she continues keep a diary of dates and times but make this about how YOU feel and not about protecting your son, you are also an employee there!!
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2019): OP here
I will quietly say something to Xena and my son (who works doing dishes/cleaning/stocking) had the perfect response: "Xena is sort of like a bully mom." He's disappointed that adults can be bullies too because he deals with that enough at school
Xena just is going to have to have her own consequences if she gets overheard by a customer. I'll continue to say it's not okay what she's doing. :-(
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (29 October 2019):
 My wife was in that business for a lot of years. In her franchise there was a store that had so much trouble with language that people would not bring children into the store. Honestly, you'd have to hold your hands over their ears. The corporate policy was "family friendly" and other stores were.
As to what you can do. Well your manager is over worked over stressed and under paid, so be patient if they don't solve the problem quickly or at all. The best idea is to mention it casually during a normal conversation, or scheduled employee review if you have one. "I'm worried that customers may be offended if they hear Xena talking about their weight."
You can't protect everyone. I really appreciate fast food workers who are pleasant and smile. I try not to complain when orders go wrong. I don't ask for refunds. It's a cheap meal provided in a tough environment.
Sincerely, the fat guy who ordered salad again.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (29 October 2019):
 I would say very firmly "You have a right to your opinions but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't express yourself around me. The customers might hear you." She knows better, she's just mean. I don't know if going to management will help and it could actually cause a very uncomfortable situation for you if she finds out you said something but let's hope the management hears her awful comments. God help her if a customer overhears her!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2019): My mother does this frequently when we are out, pointing out 'the state of that' what she wearing, size of her etc etc, she made derogatory comments about a woman I know who was with a friend and I'm sure they heard her, I was in two minds if to message them and apologise for her behaviour!
I would tell her quietly and in a polite way you dont want to hear her comments as like you say the concern is you are somehow thought to be part of her nastiness. Another thing is she probably says it to other staff, that kind of behaviour encourages bad attitudes from other staff and needs to be nipped in the bud.
If you can have a quiet word next time she says it and tell her the comments are inappropriate, if she doesn't heed your warning and stop take it to management and keep a diary of what she says,date and times.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (29 October 2019):
 Remind her that it's their money keeping her employed. One day she will get over heard by a customer and what ever comes of that will hopefully teach her a lesson. Horrible woman she is...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2019): Remind Xena that customers can sometimes hear what's said behind the counter. Besides, you personally find everything she says about the customers offensive.
Leave it at that. You're offended, said so, and that's enough. Let her deal with her own mouth, otherwise.
Xena is a grown-woman, and she has to face the consequences of her own language and behavior. I'm afraid people have freedom of speech; even when we find it personally-offensive. When her speech starts to expand into racist or sexist territory; then you can file an official complaint with Human Resources.
Tacky commentary doesn't always rise to the the level of an official reprimand. Unless the manager happens to take action under his or her own discretion and authority.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 October 2019):
 Please do not “mind your own business”; if a customer hears her and already has self-esteem issues, they may spiral and end up in a very low place. All because of a snarky jerk who couldn’t keep her crappy comments to herself.
Next time she says something about what someone is eating, ask her why she works in an unhealthy fast food place if she judges people who eat there. Say you don’t think it’s funny or appropriate to say hurtful things about people. If she continues or gets rude, go to management.
Please don’t let this slide.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2019):
 I would just tell her that you don't find it funny or appropriate when she comments on customers and what they CHOOSE to eat. I wouldn't go into details (she KNOWS it's PETTY to do and that she does it).
If she, however, keeps doing it, take your concern to management.
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