I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 5 March 2007: Thank you for your response, sorry to have not replied sooner! Hopefully in this time you have continued to take councelling. It is good that you have initiated this, it will help you work through your own issues and help you really know yourself ... (read in full...)
We get along great so should we move this relationship up to the next level?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in our mid to late 30's and both have custody of 2 boys from previous relationships. They are all very close in age and seem to get along fairly well. My bf and I get along very well, ...
A. 5 March 2007: Thank you for your feedback, I am really glad you are happy with the decision you too. I hope it works out for you!... (read in full...)
Since getting back together he seems to have lost enthusasm for the wedding we talked about...
Q. Okay, my fiance' Kevin and I have been together for over 4 years. We did break up in 2005 for six months but got back together in Feb. 2006. Ever since we have gotten back together, things have been wonderful. We have grown so much stronger and have ...
A. 16 January 2007: He has been honest with you in saying that he would like the security and stability of a steady job and steady pay before marrying you. This is an indication that he wants to be able to handle the responsibility of providing for you financially, and ... (read in full...)
I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 16 January 2007: Any time you need further advice, you are welcome. I am glad to hear you are considering councelling, I recommend it and have had it myself, and it is really great to help you work through a process. I just wanted to add one more thing:
Don't... (read in full...)
I love this guy but our relationship is always on and off. What should I do?
Q. For the past 18 months or so, I've been in love with this guy. We've never done anything, apart from stuff via webcam. It's been on and off always. When it's off its completely off and we don't even talk any more, but when it's on, we'll talk on ...
A. 15 January 2007: All of the feelings that you have are true, and if you feel in love, you are in love. But being in love and being in a relationship are two different things, especially at your age where you are just starting to learn about love and relationships. ... (read in full...)
My LD gf doesn't want others to know we are going out. Is she playing me?
Q. I have a long distance relationship and my girlfriend does not want to tell other people we know that we are going out, and is extremely flirty. I have never felt this way about someone before and I am worried that I am being played. She says she ...
A. 15 January 2007: I have a common theme that runs with advice I give:
Know what you want, and communicate it.
What you want is for your girlfriend to acknowledge that you are an exclusive item, and that she is not open to dating anyone else. She needs to say it to... (read in full...)
I constantly need my partner's attention! Am I insecure or what?
Q. I have a problem with myself. I don't know whether it's because of insecurities but I constantly need my partners attention. I'm always asking if I can do things to him (sexually) and, when he says no, I get mad and feel rejected! It's not as if I ...
A. 15 January 2007: If you constantly seek attention from your boyfriend through sexual favours, and get angry when he refuses, it is true that you looking to use this attention to fulfil a need of some emotional security that you should probably learn to give to ... (read in full...)
I get really clingy to men after the relationship has ended!
Q. heyyyyyyy why do i get so attatched to men? i meet lads then after its ended, i become really clingy.Thinking about it, im 19 and have been properly crazy and obbsessive over at least 5 men!I have no idea why i get like that!its so stupid.i...
A. 15 January 2007: It is ok to love people and keep them in your heart, what you need to let go of is the obsession of the desire to have them or be with them. Once you separate the difference between love that you feel for people and the desire to be with them, you ... (read in full...)
I'm insecure and worrying my online guy is seeing other women!
Q. I have been dating the most amazing guy who I met through an online dating site for just under two months. He is everything I could have asked for and it's going really well. I know I should be really happy. However, I have been so hurt by past ...
A. 14 January 2007: Your answer lies in your question. In your question, you say that your paranoia and insecurity are a result of your past relationships, not your current one. So you don't really have an issue with your current boyfriend, you have an issue with ... (read in full...)
We've been married 13 years and I can't stop cheating on her!
Q. Hi im 31 male, been married 13 years have two great kids, i cant stop cheating on my wife, she cheated on me before we had kids. im not paying her back. i just cannot stop cheating, i love her in some way, but sex is not there between us. should i ...
A. 14 January 2007: It is not true that you cannot stop cheating on your wife, you can, you just don't want to or choose not to. This statement is a gross simplification of your issues, but it is true. You need to recognise that you do have a choice, and that every ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me, now we are having a baby together!
Q. my boyfriend cheated on me in switzerland when he was away on a sports trip, it was with the physiotherapist! i had just left hospital and was sick at home when he went away. when he came bak he went all weird and broke up with me but then i found ...
A. 14 January 2007: No, your situation and relationship do not sound normal. It sounds like you have many problems to overcome. You are hurt that he has cheated on you, you feel insecure to leave him so you stay in a relationship without facing the problems it has, you ... (read in full...)
Since getting back together he seems to have lost enthusasm for the wedding we talked about...
Q. Okay, my fiance' Kevin and I have been together for over 4 years. We did break up in 2005 for six months but got back together in Feb. 2006. Ever since we have gotten back together, things have been wonderful. We have grown so much stronger and have ...
A. 14 January 2007: This is a tricky one. Most guys feel hesitant at some point about getting married. The question is, is it just a case of nerves, or something deeper? Is he just asking for a bit more time, or is he just not ready, or is he concerned that there is ... (read in full...)
It made me jealous that he was supporting his ex so I broke it off! Any thoughts?
Q. my bf told me that he loves me so much and he dont want to lose me, but because of his doings that he still supporting his ex financially i broke up with him,but before this break up happened weve talked bout this problem and his asking me to be ...
A. 14 January 2007: Your situation is about choices. Your bf has chosen to financially help his ex. You do not give reasons why he is doing this, but he has chosen to take responsibility for someone who he has been close with in the past. That is fine for him to ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to speed up an orgasm, during sexual play?
Q. The other night i was talking to my boyfriend about our sex life (virgin, but im talking about fingering and oral ect) and things we like that we do (we're very open) when he casually pointed out that i take quite abit longer than most women to ...
A. 14 January 2007: I am curious, what makes you think you need to climax more quickly? Is it somehow better to climax faster rather than slower? I don't think so. I am also very impressed to hear that your boyfriend knows how quickly most women take to climax, it must ... (read in full...)
We split up because she feels I am more of a friend that a boyfriend. Any advice?
Q. My gf and I dated for 6 years. We are both 24. Anyways our relationship was good. We were both deeply in love. In the summer she said that she felt like she had drifted apart from me and that if felt like she only loved me as a friend and not a ...
A. 14 January 2007: Humans are complex and in some ways conflicted. This girl loves you, and you love her, but there is a part of her that is not fulfilled in your relationship with you, and there is more to having a relationship than there is to having love, ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if one of my guy friends likes me as just a friend or more?
Q. Lately, when we are hanging out with a group of friends, he'll give me more attention than other girls and I always end up catching him looking at me from time to time and when I do, I either stare back at him and he'll continue to stare back at me ...
A. 13 January 2007: I wish there was a way you could definitely know too! Unfortunately there is no way of definitely knowing. He might not even know himself! The only way to know is to try, and sometimes we succeed, sometimes we don't. Either way, you will learn ... (read in full...)
I dislike sex with him when he's drunk and I told him that! Now he's mad and in a huff...what do I do?
Q. This evening my boyfriend came round to my house. I couldn't go out as I was working from home. He went to the pub. I fancied a nice evening together when he got back but I didn't wish for him to be drunk. He does drink everyday and when I used ...
A. 13 January 2007: Know what you want and then tell him what you want. (You have actually already done this, so you have done the right thing). I give this same advise to lots of people, it is a common theme. You know what you want, you want to have sex with your ... (read in full...)
My guy left me for someone else then came back. How should I deal with the ex that won't leave him alone?
Q. Hi guys has been a while since i last wrote quick update husband left me for another women, then he came back and decided he was going to go again. i told him he had to make a final decision and that whoever he chose he would be able to have no ...
A. 13 January 2007: Know what you want. Then communicate it with your guy, and ask him if he agrees to the things you want. If he does, you should come up with a plan together, or a set of rules together. If he can't give you what you want, dump him, and find a guy who ... (read in full...)
These horrid rumors have cause a rift in my relationship with him! What can I do?
Q. The right thing is me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months and we have been slowly growing apart. The first bad thing happened after a month of being with him, his mates acused me of cheating on him, after days of telling him i didn't he ...
A. 13 January 2007: You are in a difficult situation. Lots of people spreading rumours and nobody knows the truth. You cannot prevent rumours from spreading. All you can do is know the truth about yourself. If people ask you, you can tell them the truth about you, but ... (read in full...)
I think it's over...how should I deal with this?
Q. Hello, 3 months ago I met a guy. We started seing each other as friends first, then he invited me on dates and he became my boyfriend. I'm usually very "picky" but we were getting along so good, and I was happy that I finally met someone I have s...
A. 13 January 2007: You need to be clear about what you are unhappy about. It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with your relationship. You are unhappy with the fact that once he was away, he didn't call you, and that has made you feel terribly insecure. You ... (read in full...)
He's pretty distant with me--do you really think he wants a relationship?
Q. my boyfriend if 30 and i am 22 we have known each other for 4 years but have only been in a relationship for 5 months. it seems to me he is quite shy. i had to take the first step and say i had feelings for him. and did he want me the way i wanted ...
A. 13 January 2007: Sometimes guys find it difficult to confront their own feelings, and he may not have made up his mind. Your job it not to know what he wants, but to know what you want. Once you have decided what you want, tell him what you want, and ask him how he ... (read in full...)
It's a long story... but I think I'm ready to move on from my crush! Should I?
Q. K umm this is like a really long story...but here it goes and im like so confused on what to do.... K well I broke up with my boyfriend in the summer cuz I started to like this guy that I work with. He works for my family so they all know him. So...
A. 13 January 2007: You were right about one thing, it was a LONG story. Let me help you simplify your story, it goes something like this: Hi, I liked this guy and had a crush on him for a while, and I suspected that he liked me too, but he was shy or whatever, and... (read in full...)
I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 10 January 2007: I would say that the first thing you need to decide is what you want to do with your marriage. This old boyfriend has sparked something in your life that has been missing, which is good, but before you run off with him you need to take a reality ... (read in full...)
After 2 years together she wants a break! Do I get over her or keep hoping?
Q. hello there , im 18 years old and i spent christmas in wales with my mum. my gf lives back in england and got very upset about it. I get back from walea after new years and then she came over and spent the day with me, it went fine and i loved...
A. 10 January 2007: You cannot chase after her, this will not do any good. If she needs space, your only real option is to give it to her. Your best chance to get your relationship to evolve is to communicate with her, and this has to be on her terms as well as yours. ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if one of my guy friends likes me as just a friend or more?
Q. Lately, when we are hanging out with a group of friends, he'll give me more attention than other girls and I always end up catching him looking at me from time to time and when I do, I either stare back at him and he'll continue to stare back at me ...
A. 10 January 2007: Sounds like he likes you. I could be wrong, but the fact that you are writing this letter suggests that you think he does. How do you feel about him, do you like him? If you do, either just tell him you like him, or ask him if he likes you. Often, ... (read in full...)
I recently came out to my friends... Now I'm in love with one of my friends and not sure if he's just inquisitive... or more!
Q. I'm 18 and about 4 months ago, I came out to my group of 5 friends as gay and thankfully, everyone was more than OK with it. Then, about a month after me coming out, we started talking, and he explained to me that he got turned on by men and ever ...
A. 10 January 2007: Just to set the record straight, no pun intended, your friend is definitely either gay or bi. It is true he may be going through a phase, but that phase will only be in determining the extent to which he is gay or bi. He is definitely not only ... (read in full...)
Is he genuine, or does he consider me to be forbidden fruit?
Q. Thank you for your kind advice. I have posted a question earlier with title "I wish never met the other guy. I do not want to have an affair" Since then, I have spoken to husband Peter and tried to work things out, we have talked a lot. Lots of ...
A. 9 January 2007: Having read the 2 other replies, there is one piece of advice which needs to be stressed:
If you are not interested in saving your marriage, then end it and do whatever you want.
If you are iterested in saving your marriage, you are not doin... (read in full...)
Do I stop snooping and just confront him, demanding an answer?
Q. While paying the phone bill I found that my boyfriend sent 33 text messages in the past month. Not that unusual except that he has only sent 1 or 2 a month in the past and when I asked who he had sent so many messages to, he responded with a smile ...
A. 9 January 2007: I don't believe in snooping, or any kind of behaviour which can result in breaking trust, or that is inherently dishonest in nature. That's not to say that it might not be an easier solution, but I always take the honest and sometimes more difficult ... (read in full...)
We get along great so should we move this relationship up to the next level?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in our mid to late 30's and both have custody of 2 boys from previous relationships. They are all very close in age and seem to get along fairly well. My bf and I get along very well, ...
A. 9 January 2007: You say you have excellent communication in this relationship. If that is the case, communicate your thoughts to him and ask him for his opinion. Tell him you are happy as things are, but tell him that if he is interested in the idea, you are ready ... (read in full...)
I lied to hurt him! Now he says I am a slut he can't trust me...what can I do?
Q. hello, I have been seeing this guy for a year we or engaged and going to get married in May but we live in two differnt states tell March I am in college and he has a job somewhere else he has 1 child and i have 2 our children love each other an...
A. 8 January 2007: Life is full of lessons. All lessons are good, but some cost more to learn than others. Here are some of the lessons as I see it:
1. Good communication is one of the fundamental things in having a good relationship. Learn how to communic... (read in full...)
My husband blames himself! How do I help him with guilt--re: future in-laws, and moving away?
Q. How do I help with guilt, future in-laws, and moving away? My better half blames himself for everything. He also comes from a large family who treat him like the family scapegoat. Guilty that all of his siblings are moving away and that he woul...
A. 8 January 2007: This is a tricky one, because people can become stuck in guilt, it can become a way of life. to be an outsider trying to do something positive in the situation can be difficult and can in some cases one can merely make the person feel more guilty!
... (read in full...)
I want to meet women but am intimidated by the other guys! How do I get over this?
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and I have problems approaching women, especially when other guys are around. No one ever really intimidates me for any other reason (not to sound like a hard ass), but when it comes to women, other guys just make me feel like I have no ...
A. 8 January 2007: Lets separate the issues here, into approaching women, and feeling intimidated by other guys when approaching women, particularly if they are competative. The thing to keep in mind when you are meeting people, is that you are a unique individual. ... (read in full...)
We want to kiss, but we've never done it before! I'm 12 and he's 14. Does that matter?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 weeks now.And we have said that we wanted to kiss each other.It will be my first kiss and his.We both said we were going to kiss the next day but I guess we both got nervous and didn't.He then told me he ...
A. 7 January 2007: Dear Shyness,
It is good to ask advice on these things if you are not sure, so thanks for writing. Kissing is an expression of love and is very natural, so if you feel like you love this boy and he loves you, it is nice to kiss and show the othe... (read in full...)
I went to counseling b/c of some issues I had, so how do I show my long distance ex the changes I am making in my life?
Q. My ex and I have been mostly together for over two years, we met and fell in love on sight, we live 1100 miles apart, we are both 22 and finishing school. We did the long distance thing for about 6 months. It went very well, we were incredibly in ...
A. 7 January 2007: Perspective is a powerful tool. If you were only given 2 bowls of rice to eat every day for a week, that would piss you off, but if you are starving and dying of hunger, you would be truely grateful. The trick is to adjust the things you want and ... (read in full...)
I have deep feelings for him but is he unsure of me? Should I give this up?
Q. I really like this guy at university. Im not sure if he likes me too though. We have some real chemistry, or at least i think we do. He makes an effort to see me and is very flirty and suggestive. I've even witnessed him get quite jealous about ...
A. 7 January 2007: There could be many reasons why this guy seems to like you but hasn't made a move for you. Maybe he is shy or insecure. Maybe he is immature. Maybe he is afraid to face his feelings. Maybe he is scared to be in love, or the prospect of rejection and ... (read in full...)
I am letting past issues affect my present dealings with friends...
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months and I are not communicating our feelings at all. We went out with his friends (another couple) on Weds and when his friend and I were teasing him, it seemed to me he got defensive although he says he never does. Anyway, I ...
A. 7 January 2007: I don't think I really understood this whole thing, it was a bit difficult to read and make sense of unfortunately. However, I suspect that your problem can be summed up in the first line:
My boyfriend of 3 months and I are not communic... (read in full...)
I love him but his constant lying about this other woman is driving me crazy! Help?
Q. Ok, I think I have a problem, but I would LOVE to trust my boyfriend more than anything. He started working for a window cleaning company a few months ago. There is this girl that is his "boss" and I guess they get on pretty well. For some reason, ...
A. 7 January 2007: You find yourself in a situation where you suspect your boyfriend is having an affair, and you don't trust him. You also mention deceptive behaivour and lying. My advice would be to empower yourself in this situation. At the moment you feel like you ... (read in full...)
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