How do I get over a miscarriage and an abortion? Therapy isn't helping!
Q. maybe a few people can help me once again!! i had an abortion about 7 months ago and i cant let it go a lot of people were very influencial and it happend so fast that i dident even have time to think about it i was still in shock ...
A. 12 June 2008: Therapy is a really good option, but therapy that isn't working is not a great option. The fact that you decided to try therapy is good in that it is an indication that you are trying to improve your life and work through the difficult feelings you ... (read in full...)
Single, and not enjoying it. How can I crave sex less?
Q. How can I crave Sex less?? I haven't had Sex in nearly 8 months and I feel like everyone except me (former girlfriend included) is having it. I'm single, and not enjoying it. Has anybody else felt this way? What can I do?...
A. 10 January 2008: My advise is to move your attention away from your sexual thoughts, fantasies, desires, etc, and move your focus on to being happy in your life and enjoying the simple things in life, and the other important things life is offering you right now. ... (read in full...)
Can I find love without sex?
Q. I desperately want love (no sex, just love)but, no one I've met wants one without the other. Everyone around me says I'm foolish for holding back and expecting someone to stay. So, please tell me, Am I a princess whose just kissed the wrong frogs ...
A. 10 January 2008: No, you are not silly, you are just someone who knows what they want, but what you want is hard to find. So you have to ask if you are really prepared to wait as long as it takes to get what you want, or do you prefer to change your thinking around ... (read in full...)
What should I do, do I move away without saying goodbye or do I bump into her and invite her for a coffee and a farewell chat to tell her my regret?
Q. My problem is more a regret or if only, I met a girl at our local May fair 19 years ago. We dated for three months before a combination of work and immaturity (on my behalf) brought it to a premature end on my 19th birthday. Work as being away from ...
A. 13 June 2007: Our cultre does not openly discuss the many ways in which love can be understood. Some ideas of love are often spoken about, and some are less well understood. Your experience of love with this woman is one of the less well understood and less ... (read in full...)
If I cannot enslave her, I cannot trust her for being a faithful spouse.
Q. My concept of getting engaged into an emotional tie with a girl has to do with getting over her ego and insulting her so as to destroy her self-esteem and establish prime supremacy over her emotions and feelings which cannot develop for anyone ...
A. 4 June 2007: To you, your "concept" of having a relationship is about control. Controling her emotions and feelings, and probably restricting her in other ways. What you call "a lifetime of slavery"
You are asking for advise as to what you can do to prevent ... (read in full...)
I have a growth problem and I'm short--it stops me from asking girls out. What can I do?
Q. i'm not sure what to do, i'm 16 and i'm debating to ask this girl out in my year. The thing is i have a growth problem (i'm about a head and a bit shorter than average) and it's always stopped asking any girls out because i'm worried she will just ...
A. 31 May 2007: I am also pretty short, and from time to time I have felt insecure about it, but the truth is, girls will be attracted or not attracted to you irrespective of your height. For example, if you feel insecure about your height, girls can be put off if ... (read in full...)
An old sex buddy contacted me after he and his gf broke up. Does he want to use me for sex, again?
Q. can anyone tell me what does it mean when a old sex buddy who you told ages ago that you fancy him and he rejected you by saying he doesnt see you as a girlfriend , then gets a girlfriend then breaks up with her a few months later and texts ...
A. 23 May 2007: The short answer is, yes. If you like him enough to want to put him to the test, and you have the strength of will power to follow through, tell him that you are not interested in having sex until you develop feelings for eachother, but that you ... (read in full...)
Seeing my Mother's abuse has caused me trouble in my own relationship! Any advice?
Q. i have been a very defensive person in my relationship and i think that it has something to do with the fact that my mother was beat by her bloke when i was little its causing me a lot of grief in my relationship does anyone know if there is a way ...
A. 23 May 2007: Yes, there is a way to overcome this, you can go to a counsellor or therapist. The reason to go to such an individual is that their job will be to guide you through a process to gain insight into who you are and how you work on a deeper level than ... (read in full...)
I am still a virgin but have tried to have sex, but I tense up so bad! Any advice?
Q. Hi, I am a 20 year old virgin girl(yeah that's bad I know) and I have a boyfriend and we tried having sex yesterday but we couldn't because he felt I was too tensed. And I know I was and he could see I was worried and scared. I am like reall...
A. 23 May 2007: Your problem is that you have a lot of anxiety and tension around sex, and it is not uncommon for this to happen if you haven't had sex yet. Your solution is to take the problem out of the equation - take the focus away from having sex, and focus on ... (read in full...)
We split after 4 years and I didn't see it coming. I can't stop crying--please help!
Q. I have recently split up with my boyfriend after 4 years i didn't see it coming i feel so alone and confused i can't stop crying, now he's started to treat me as if i never matterd to him he used to tel me all the time that he loved me more than ...
A. 21 May 2007: I am sorry for your suffering, but in truth you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Losing someone is painful and you wouldn't understand it, having not seen it coming. You are trying to get rid of your pain rather than accepting it. You ... (read in full...)
We've been married 19 years but my wife goes to clubs to meet single men!
Q. My wife and I have been married for about 19 years. She's 39 and I'm 44. For the past 6 months she's been hanging out with her recently divorced cousin (female - 44) and they have been going to nightclubs for the past 6 months about 2-3 times/we...
A. 17 May 2007: Your wife is creating a lot of distance between the two of you through her behaviour. And you are creating that distance too, by allowing it to take place in the relationship. I don't hear you saying "I told my wife this behaviour is hurtful, and ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my bf and he is stressed! Do I start the long process of letting go when there may still be a chance?
Q. Hey all, it seems to be the end of my 3 and a half year relationship.....at least think it is. Last year I cheated on my boyfriend one night with my ex and although everyone said it was never going to happen- he took me back. What I encountered was ...
A. 15 May 2007: You seem to know that your relationship is in trouble, and you also seem to know that you don't have the tools or ability to solve your problems on your own, which is why you have asked for help. That is good, but, in my humble opinion, you need to ... (read in full...)
I was raped, got pregnant and I CANNOT let my family know about this. Please help!
Q. Hope someone can help me or offer some advice! I know its terrible that I'm having to ask this here... but I really dont know where else to turn now. I'm 19 and living in the UK. I was raped at university several months ago by someone I hardly...
A. 14 May 2007: You have no idea how much relief you will get by talking to someone about it - this is the first step for you, and you will feel so much better for doing so. Speak to a councellor or someome who provides this kind of support through your university. ... (read in full...)
How do you build self confidence and become positive about life and become successful in everything you do?
Q. How do you build self confidence and become positive about life and become successful in everything u do?...
A. 7 April 2007: The 3 things listed here, self confidence, positive view of life, and success, are all connected with one thing: your point of VIEW. The way you look at the world, at events, and at yourself. There is an important aspect of your point of view in ... (read in full...)
Found some condoms in my partner's pocket, and we never use them... is this what I think it is!?
Q. Hello I`m a fourtyseven year old male. I was getting some dry cleaning ready to drop off and found some condoms in my partners coat pocket We don`t and never have used them . This really is what it looks like , no ? ...
A. 20 March 2007: If it looks like chicken and tastes like chicken, its chicken. DR Pete is right, confront him and follow your gut. ... (read in full...)
I will never love anyone like I love him! Is this a lost cause..and what should I do?
Q. This is without a question the hairiest and most complicated relationship issue I have ever even heard of, much less been involved in. I have known my ex for 9 years. He was my high school sweetheart, and we dated for 2 years in high school, and ...
A. 20 March 2007: To have a successful relationship, love is required. But there are lots of other elements required too. If love is the only thing you have, that does not mean you will have a successful relationship or an unsuccesful relationship, it just means you ... (read in full...)
I find it shameful to look at people whom I do not find attractive.
Q. I find it shameful to look at people whom i do not find attractive. And when i do look at them, some of them start thinking about themselves as being amazing. Also i have this concept in my mind that i should always looks at people with love in my ...
A. 19 March 2007: You say you have a concept in your mind that you should always look at people with love in your eyes. This is a noble thought, and one that reflects our true nature of lovingness. I myself encourage as much unconditional lovingness as possible.
... (read in full...)
If there really IS a God, why does he allow so much suffering?
Q. Do you believe in God? And if so why does he allow all the pain in the world. I’ve been brought up to believe in God and never doubt my belief. My family are not religious in the sense of going to church, my mother has always believed in God ...
A. 17 March 2007: Here is an idea which might or might not be helpful to you:
When you switch on a light switch, there is light present. When you switch it off, darkness is not created, rather it is closer to the truth that there is a lack of light. There is actua... (read in full...)
What do I do? Please take the time to read my story...
Q. I just lost my girlfriend and can't get over her what can i do to forget her? This was our situation okay i met her when I was 12, we had sex when we were only 13, had our first child when we were both 15 and our second when we were 19. She was my ...
A. 16 March 2007: Thank you for sharing your story, I can really feel your pain and sadness come through. I am sure you know that all break ups where love is lost will involve pain, and you are going through one, and you are going to feel pain and loss. I know how... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and had sex with a lad in the school toilets, now I think I'm pregnant and don't know what to do?
Q. Hey, Ive just done something wrong.. I just had sex with a lad in my class.. We were in science lesson at school and I noticed he was masturbating and I told him that I could see him and he told me to ask for the loo and meet him outside in 5 mins.. ...
A. 8 March 2007: Hi all, I would recommend that posters wishing to discuss responses, rather than address the person seeking advice, should contact those posters directly, unless those responses are intended for the original poster as well. Just to briefly... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and had sex with a lad in the school toilets, now I think I'm pregnant and don't know what to do?
Q. Hey, Ive just done something wrong.. I just had sex with a lad in my class.. We were in science lesson at school and I noticed he was masturbating and I told him that I could see him and he told me to ask for the loo and meet him outside in 5 mins.. ...
A. 7 March 2007: Hi there,
Firstly, I am appalled at some of the answers you have received, with some people saying that you are gross or deserve death (omg!) or other things that would make you feel ashamed for who you are or what you did. Let me just start by... (read in full...)
I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 5 March 2007: Thank you for your response, sorry to have not replied sooner! Hopefully in this time you have continued to take councelling. It is good that you have initiated this, it will help you work through your own issues and help you really know yourself ... (read in full...)
We get along great so should we move this relationship up to the next level?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in our mid to late 30's and both have custody of 2 boys from previous relationships. They are all very close in age and seem to get along fairly well. My bf and I get along very well, ...
A. 5 March 2007: Thank you for your feedback, I am really glad you are happy with the decision you too. I hope it works out for you!... (read in full...)
I cheated on my fiancee and can't get over my guilt.
Q. I cheated on my fiancee.. I cheated on my fiancee, the woman I love and have been with for four years, with a girl I didn't even know. I have no idea why I did it. I was at a party drinking heavily and met this girl who started flirting...
A. 5 March 2007: I have good news and I have bad news. Lets start with the bad news, most of which you already know, but I will spell it out for you to make it clearer, and then I will try give you some options to go forward.
You have cheated on your girlfrie... (read in full...)
How can you tell the difference between love, lust and obsession?
Q. How do you know when your in love? Because sumtimes you think you are and it could be lust or obsession or sumthing else?...
A. 17 February 2007: I will try to express my thoughts in the simplest defenitions I can find.
Lust is passionate desire. We usually think of it in the sexual form.
Obsession is a preoccupation with a feeling, desire, object, etc that sonetimes cannot be contro... (read in full...)
Once guys I date get me to date them, the seem to lose interest! What's going on?
Q. Here's the thing, my dad has been cheating on my mom since i was 5, i can't trust men and everytime that i have tried to love i ended up heart broken. i think guys are always attracted to me sexually but once they get me they lose interest,and that ...
A. 17 February 2007: When you grow up with infidelity and the hurt it causes in a family at a young age, and develope the acute mistrut for men you have today, it creats an internal problem. The problem is, if you have a deep internal belief that you can't trust, or ... (read in full...)
What can I do that's exciting and erotic for my friend when he comes to see me next week?
Q. Last year I made a stupid mistake. I flew across the country to meet and stay a week with an online friend I'd known for 6 months. I lost my virginity to him, but when I got back home, he wouldn't talk to me and eventually told me that he had ...
A. 17 February 2007: I like the suggestion of a massage - it could lead anywhere but needn't lead anywhere either, which means you can just take the moment naturally as it comes.
I would also recommend chatting to him about it. Maybe not the evening of his visit, b... (read in full...)
What is true love? How do you know when you REALLY love a person?
Q. Dating is when you go out with someone...and having a boyfriend is like a relationship...but how do you really know when you love that person...does it mean that you know that that person is the person you want to spend your life with...does it mean ...
A. 17 February 2007: Love is a feeling you get. You know when you are in love when you feel it. How do you know when you are hungry? Or in pain? Its a feeling you have, a direct experience. The feeling of love is the same.
This feeling comes from the awarenes... (read in full...)
should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?
Q. should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?...
A. 17 February 2007: Just check your wedding vows - if your vows included the right to shag other people and you know your husband won't mind, then go for it. If not, you may not understand the terms or conditions of your marriage. Go back to marriage school.
In ot... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but I'm thinking of meeting up with this guy online who promises to give me 'wild sex.' Is this a good idea, or not?
Q. Dear Cupid- Here is the problem: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and I love him very much, but our sex life is a little boring. We usually have sex in the bedroom in the same position. I'm very sexual and I like to try new things in ...
A. 27 January 2007: Here's an idea. How about getting your boyfriend to give you wild sex. That's what boyfriends are for, aren't they. You probably feel that he doesn't want to, or that he thinks that he can't. That is really your problem.
Your solution is not to g... (read in full...)
Hurting and confused because my boyfriend broke up with me and is going to marry the mother of his child. Please help.
Q. Hi all please help me i am hurting and confused. My boyfriend broke up with me and he is planning to marry the mother of his child. Its totally over, but can you please help me with the coping mechanisms coz this is relly hurting me. I know i hav...
A. 16 January 2007: I am reall sorry for your loss. One way to possibly diminish the pain, is to understand the difference between loving him and having to have him, or be with him, or desiring him. In our lives, we meet and love many people. Some of them stay in our ... (read in full...)
I have a lot of guy friends and when I get drunk I end up sleeping with them. Do you think they are taking advantage of me?
Q. I have a lot of guy friends, and when we all get together we get really drunk. I usually end up having sex with one of them. I love my friends there my emotional support. I am starting to second-question that? I live with my roomate (who is guy) we ...
A. 16 January 2007: Yes, these guys are using you. How do you feel about that? You don't seem to be too upset by it, you are questioning whether you should or not, but your letter gives the feeling that you didn't mind having sex with them. If you didn't like it, you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is being really distant. I've told her I feel forgotten but nothing much has changed. Should I give her a taste of her own medicine?
Q. Okay so my girlfriend has been home for the past month due to Christmas break. She and I have been dating for almost a year. I truly love this girl but since she's been gone she's been very distant. She doesn't call and when I'm lucky enough to ...
A. 16 January 2007: You are entitled to feel the way you feel, and she is entitled to feel the way she does. She is entitled to her freedom and independance within the relationship, you are entitled to a certain level of communication and keeping in touch to nurture ... (read in full...)
Since getting back together he seems to have lost enthusasm for the wedding we talked about...
Q. Okay, my fiance' Kevin and I have been together for over 4 years. We did break up in 2005 for six months but got back together in Feb. 2006. Ever since we have gotten back together, things have been wonderful. We have grown so much stronger and have ...
A. 16 January 2007: He has been honest with you in saying that he would like the security and stability of a steady job and steady pay before marrying you. This is an indication that he wants to be able to handle the responsibility of providing for you financially, and ... (read in full...)
I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 16 January 2007: Any time you need further advice, you are welcome. I am glad to hear you are considering councelling, I recommend it and have had it myself, and it is really great to help you work through a process. I just wanted to add one more thing:
Don't... (read in full...)
Nothing in my life is good and I need help fast!
Q. Im not happy with my life! i rarely see my dad because he was never interested in me and my sisters when i was a child and i dont like the person he is. All of my sisters have left home and i feel that my mum would be happier if i wasnt around, she ...
A. 15 January 2007: I have to disagree somewhat with the previous advice that you have been given. I don't think you give enough evidence in your question to warrent you "moving away" from your family, and don't say how old you are. Either way, moving away can amount ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and want to have sex but i'm scared of getting pregnant!
Q. Im 14, and my boyfriend and i want to have sex both were both scared that i will get pregnant so what should i do?...
A. 15 January 2007: Welcome to the world of responsibility. This is the world that adults have to live in, the one where people have to make responsible decisions and be prepared to face the concequences of their actions. This is the reason that sex is part of the ... (read in full...)
I asked my ex if she still cared about me and she said she didn't want to answer that question! Why?
Q. Hi, well am a little confused here i broke up with my girlfriend about 5mnths ago and we've had ups and downs since but like we have sorted out our differences now and tonight i casually asked her do you still care about me or miss me and she sa...
A. 15 January 2007: She has good reasons for not wanting to answer the question. Primarily, you are not her boyfriend so it is none of your business, and she is entitled to keep her feelings to herself. This is a way that she can maintain her strenght, power, and ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I should still be with my fiance after our rocky past...
Q. I don't know if I should continue seeing my fiance. We have been together 3 months. I've known him for a year, but I broke up with him last year after we had been dating for about a month because I wasn't ready to get into another relationship. He ...
A. 15 January 2007: Decide what you want, and communicate it to him. Then see how he reacts, and if he can keep his word over the next few weeks if he agrees to what you ask for.
As for me, I would not want to go out with some one who tried to convince me that I s... (read in full...)
Will I look like a floozy for approaching someone I met, while I was previously dating someone else?
Q. I was dating a man for a year and we broke up, then 6 months later got back together. While we were back together, we visited his family in another state. While there, I met a friend of his brother's and we really hit it off. But I ignored that, ...
A. 15 January 2007: Who cares what they think!! People are always so quick to judge, some people will ask for your side of the story and others won't and will judge you anyway. All that matters is that you know you are doing the right thing, and in your case, there is ... (read in full...)
I love this guy but our relationship is always on and off. What should I do?
Q. For the past 18 months or so, I've been in love with this guy. We've never done anything, apart from stuff via webcam. It's been on and off always. When it's off its completely off and we don't even talk any more, but when it's on, we'll talk on ...
A. 15 January 2007: All of the feelings that you have are true, and if you feel in love, you are in love. But being in love and being in a relationship are two different things, especially at your age where you are just starting to learn about love and relationships. ... (read in full...)
Since getting back together he seems to have lost enthusasm for the wedding we talked about...
Q. Okay, my fiance' Kevin and I have been together for over 4 years. We did break up in 2005 for six months but got back together in Feb. 2006. Ever since we have gotten back together, things have been wonderful. We have grown so much stronger and have ...
A. 14 January 2007: This is a tricky one. Most guys feel hesitant at some point about getting married. The question is, is it just a case of nerves, or something deeper? Is he just asking for a bit more time, or is he just not ready, or is he concerned that there is ... (read in full...)
I am afraid to stay in my 13 year relationship but also afraid to leave for a past love - what do I do?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for over 6. We have had many challages but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult. I want children, he does not, this I did not know until after we were married. I have been a devoted, ...
A. 10 January 2007: I would say that the first thing you need to decide is what you want to do with your marriage. This old boyfriend has sparked something in your life that has been missing, which is good, but before you run off with him you need to take a reality ... (read in full...)
We get along great so should we move this relationship up to the next level?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in our mid to late 30's and both have custody of 2 boys from previous relationships. They are all very close in age and seem to get along fairly well. My bf and I get along very well, ...
A. 9 January 2007: You say you have excellent communication in this relationship. If that is the case, communicate your thoughts to him and ask him for his opinion. Tell him you are happy as things are, but tell him that if he is interested in the idea, you are ready ... (read in full...)
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