A
male
age
26-29,
*ath
writes:[Mod Note: It would be very helpful if you could state your age and how old this girl is. This will help you to get better answers]There is this girl(of age 21) who is a couple of years younger than me(i'm 23). She is mentally challenged. She was abandoned by her parents and I found her a couple of months ago near my house when her parents were leaving her. I brought her to my place and have taken care of her.I'm a very depressed person, you see. I have been betrayed by many people in my life, including my parents. I have never fallen in a relationship. Before this girl came, there was no love in my life. But now it seems that all the love and happiness in my life has come back with this girl....I take care of her and feel happy when she is happy. I still stay alone, without any friends, only with this girl.My question is:Is it right if I love this girl? I hate sex and will never do it with the person whome I love....so I will not have sex with her. I'll always keep her happy and safe. Should I love her?
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (6 January 2011):
There are many ways that love takes form. People have a need to be loved by others, but just as important is our need to give love to other people. The love and happiness that has come back into your life, they have returned because you now have someone in your life that you can give your love to. You are able to do this with her because you know she won't betray you because she is mentally challanged. She is helpless and innocent in your eyes. However, it is not that simple.It is good that she has your love. And it is good that you have her to give your love to. However, there is more to love, life and relationships than you can experience through this relationship, most likely. Also, this relationship is most likely a way for you to avoid your depression and isolation, as well as your hatred of sex. In other words, you might be avoiding some very important parts of your life by lettling this relationship grow. You will need to be honest with yourself here. Having said that, you need to be the judge of whether you feel right to give your love to this girl. It is not for others to tell you who you should or shouldn't love. The loving thing to do for this girl would also be to make sure she is taken care of, given her mental condition, and to make sure that she is not isolated and has contact in the world beyond just you. This also makes sure that others can see whether you are taking advantage of her for your own emotional (or other) needs. I would say that as long as you are supporting her to have her own life in the world, there is nothing wrong with you giving her your love. Over time, you will come to know what is best for her, and for you. Good luck.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Is it okay to love and care for her? I don't see why it wouldn't be. Are you sure no one is looking for her? What you need to make sure of is that you are caring for her because you desire to help her, not categorizing her as if she has become your project. She may be mentally challenged, but she is still a human being, and needs to be treated as such.
Although you may feed her and take care of her emotionally, you must remember she has limitations. There may be some things she needs help with that you are unable to assist with, so I'd recommend you find programs in your area with those who work with mentally challenged people, and get her plugged in. Some who have difficulties find part time work or volunteering through these groups. They do so because it makes them feel needed and gives a sense of accomplishment. It can be harmful to who she is if she is cooped up, and doesn't have a chance to develop her identity and given the opportunity to gain the sense that she is more than the limitations of her challenges make her out to be.
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