A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the essay but I don't know what's the right thing to do, I've never been in this situation before and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Last night something that I've wanted for so long happened and it couldn't be worse timing!I used to date this guy over a year ago a long time now, he was the first guy I loved and I've always had feelings for him. Even when I met my boyfriend I did, but I knew that I would always have some feelings for him and if I waited till they passed I never would be able to move on. My boyfriend is the most loving, caring funniest guy i've been with and he makes me feel so important to him that I never feel like he wants to be with anyone else but me, he just makes me so happy. All this time with him I forgot about the other guy and he was rarely a thought in my mind.But then last night I saw the guy I dated a year ago for the first time since and we were talking and it was nice, What was unusual, was being around him I had that butterfly feeling in my stomach like the first time we met and I was so happy, it felt like day one all over again! He ended up telling me the real reason he ended it was because he loved me, that he was falling for me harder than he wanted and he knew i didn't feel the same. So because he was scared of getting hurt, he thought it was best to end it and let me find someone else. He said he was really sorry for hurting me like that, but he got scared and panicked that he didn't realise what he did till after and has regretted doing it and hurting me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I thought he ended it because he didn't feel the same! He told me that he's still got feelings for me and seeing me again only made them all rush back again. He said he still hasn't managed to move on from me, that nobody he's met or has dated, has he been able to feel that way about and he's been waiting for the day to run into me again. He literally told me everything about why he ended it, how he feels, he just poured his heart out and asked about giving it another go. I got up and left because I couldn't deal with it. I've been in love with this guy for over a year, always wondering why he ended it and hurting so much thinking he never felt the same. Only to find out that! I'm angry at him if i'm honest for not telling me this, over a year wasted thinking neither of us felt the same only to realise we've both been hurting and trying to fall out of love with each other!!I don't know what to do, I love my boyfriend and he's an amazing guy in so many ways. But this guy, I've never experienced that feeling I have with him with anybody and the way I felt around him last night I was so surprised that I still felt that way after so long. All I felt last night when he was telling me this was an aching pain in my stomach and actually quite emotional inside, but yet I was so incredibly happy. I can't describe it it was like a range of emotions!I'm at a loss of what to do, this guy hurt me more than anybody has and I was upset and depressed for months blaming myself wondering what happened. I'm just unsure whether it's a good idea going back there after he put me through that, but then I don't know if staying with my boyfriend is also the right thing to do.. Please advice is really needed!!
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 I agree with Cerberus like most of the time. Yet as far as I'm concerned, my position is not to warn you because the "butterfly feeling in your guts" doesn't lie. You SHOULD end your current relationship with your boyfriend #2 to go back to your boyfriend #1.
You deserve each other. And I predict you a pretty nice disaster after some months of "pure passion". Do it, my girl, anyway your are just one more hormonal puppet, and your current boyfriend deserve to meet somebody better than you are. Take my word !
A
male
reader, Gauntlet +, writes (29 January 2014):
I agree with Cerberus like most of the time. Yet as far as I'm concerned, my position is not to warn you because the "butterfly feeling in your guts" doesn't lie. You SHOULD end your current relationship with your boyfriend #2 to go back to your boyfriend #1.
You deserve each other. And I predict you a pretty nice disaster after some months of "pure passion". Do it, my girl, anyway your are just one more hormonal puppet, and your current boyfriend deserve to meet somebody better than you are. Take my word !
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A
male
reader, devont  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 I'm sorry to have to agree with the others. I read your post and straight away thought 'this is bull'...and why did I think that? Because I have been THAT guy.I dated this girl a good few years ago now. We were together for about a year maybe, then she went to university and I ended it with her ... because while I was quite fond of her and we got along, I wasn't prepared to not get laid while she was 300 miles away at uni. Obviously I didn't tell her that. A few years later I saw her in the street, it turned out we had been working opposite each other for months and never crossed paths before. We got along like a house on fire and I found old feelings resurfacing, I was single and she more attractive than I remembered, as well as good fun. Then she told me she was engaged and that kind of sealed it in my head, if someone else wanted to MARRY her, she must have been a pretty good catch and maybe I should try and get with her again. I convinced her to meet up with me for a coffee a week later and then I found myself telling her that I'd never got over her and she was my first love, that I ended it because I didn't want to hold her back while she was at university, I loved her too much, blah blah blah... All complete crap, but I was caught up in a whirlwind of lust and I kind of convinced myself it was true too. Unfortunately, she knew me a little too well and remembered what I was like when we were dating and basically laughed in my face and said 'I know all your lines, don't try it'. I never did get to sleep with her, haha. Proceed with extreme caution. If he really did break up with you because he 'loved you too much' then as soon as he realised he'd made a mistake he would have called you, begging you to take him back. He didn't. You've not heard from him. He's trying his luck, just like I did. He doesn't sound completely genuine and it sounds like you have a good thing with your boyfriend, so forget about your ex and focus on him instead.All the best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 What some people would not say just to get laid !
My advice is that you listen to Cerberus because he is right.
The only point I can add to ekaborate on the issue is ... so he has been waiting all this time " to run into you " .
Why ? Did not he have your phone, email, Facebook, ...home address ??
I mean, the moment he had this breakthrough and found out that he still loved you, that now he is not afraid of loving you anymore, and that he was reday to pour his heart out to you about it- well, could he not just call you rather than hoping he'd bump into you some day ?
Watc out OP, when something sounds too good to be true... generally it's because it is not true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): First off your ex has sold you a complete line of shit. He is lying through his teeth, OP.
I mean seriously he's ripped that stuff straight out of a movie because I suspect he hasn't had much luck with women lately and he wants to get back his "sure thing".
You honestly believe a guy who loves you so much "it hurts" would fucking dump you? Really? You actually believe that?
Because you loved him OP, would you have ever let him go or would you have done everything you could to keep him?
I honestly can't believe you're falling for ye olde, "I was scared and I panicked because I love you so much" line. You were together over a year OP, you were settled, you were in a solid relationship and he panicked because he was unsure if you loved him? haha yeah right, I guess asking you if you did never came to mind then.
OP my god, if you believe that you'll believe anything because he's selling you a line you know he wants you to hear.
OP think logically about this. You were together a year and he dumps you, that's not love. Also why has it taken him so long to come back or to figure that out? He's been waiting, hoping he would run into you again? Because you'd think a guy who loves you so much would make it happen instead of waiting.
OP none of what he is saying makes any sense, they're all excuses. The guy is good. He covered all the bases, why he dumped you, why he's only saying it now. But he fucked up because his lies make no sense.
If he's been waiting to see you so he could tell you how he feels, then how is it that his feelings "rushed back"? Caught himself out there didn't he? Why was he waiting if the feelings only rushed back when he met you?
It's simple OP, the guy dumped you because he was done with you. He's tried dating and has failed miserably and then you came along and he's like "hey, she'll do".
Need more proof? "that he was falling for me harder than he wanted" he basically just said he didn't want to fall in love with you.
Oh and this "scared of getting hurt" so he dumped you and hurt himself that way? or is he really saying it didn't hurt when he dumped you. Because again OP you loved him, losing him hurt bad, how would it be logical to dump someone you love and be hurt that way because you're scared of being hurt? Surely not having the person you love is the worst form of pain, yet he did that. See? Bullshit.
OP if something doesn't make sense then it's a lie.
Oh and this guy is such a douche he doesn't care that you have a boyfriend and might be happy, he made his move anyway. Is that what you consider love? I consider that an opportunist asshole OP, a guy who dumped you, didn't chase you to get you back despite saying it's what he wanted, said he loved you more than he thought you did but didn't find out before losing you yet somehow the feelings only rushed back when he saw you, a guy who doesn't care how much he hurts you now by stirring up your emotions, a guy who doesn't care that you may have moved on and are happy he;s willing to ruin your new relationship just to get what he wants and a guy who is quite literally lying about everything.
Your new guy doesn't deserve a girl as gullible as you who will let guys sweet talk her like that.
I say go back to your ex and let your new guy find someone who is strong enough not to fall for some slimy ex's bullshit lines. I say that OP but you so badly want your ex's lies to be true that I think the only way you'll learn this lesson properly is to go back and see how bad it is this time when he's done with you.
OP life is not like the movies, if it sounds too good to be true then it is, always look logically at what a person is saying and why they're saying it. If you look clearly at all the holes in what this guy has said you can clearly see he made that shit up, as it doesn't actually make any sense.
Your new guy has been a good guy OP, cut him loose. He deserves a loyal woman who is not so easily led.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): Sounds like he is messing with your emotions/head.If he really loved you would he really have waited until he just bumped into you again to tell you? I don't think so, I would be cautious.Did you tell him you have a boyfriend?How are things with you and your boyfriend? If your relationship with him is good then you would not be feeling this way about any other guy. I believe in a relationship you put everything you have into it, "absolutely everything", no holding back, no being tempted by anyone, otherwise whats the point in commitment?It doesn't sound like what you have with your boyfriend is forever, to me, cause you wouldn't let anyone else in. However, obviously all relationships have their ups and downs and I don't know, maybe you're going through a rough patch where you're feeling unsure/vulnerable? I think you should work on your relationship with your current boyfriend IF you love him enough. Bring some excitement back. And if you already do fun stuff? Well, keep everyone else out of it and be strong. Either commit or let him free to find someone who loves him in the same way.Just don't cheat. That's my advice
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