A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Last month my boyfriend decided that we "take a break" (or in other words: break up) and we've been together for maybe more than three years, but we've known each other much longer than that because we originally were best friends. Him and I have been together since freshman year despite the break up between the middle of sophomore year to the middle of junior year. That time he broke up with me because he was going through a typical teenage phase of having immature friends and trying to decide what kind of person he wants to be. In the end he chose me and came back to me and I should had turned me down when he tried to ask me out again, but I couldn't. Ever since then he changed for the better and stayed faithful to me. Now, I'm in my second semester in college and he's catching up behind me (since he got left back during sophomore year) and is doing well in his night school. He broke up with me a few weeks before Christmas but I felt like he was being reasonable so I couldn't find it in myself to object to it. My boyfriend (now ex) told me that he wants to see me succeed and pass college and that he also wants to start focusing more on his schooling. I noticed that sometimes he'd skip school to see me or go to other places like his breakdancing studio. He's a decent student but his night school program is really his last chance. Also, he said he doesn't want himself to get in my way like me cancelling plans with others (which happens sometimes) to be with him or god forbid get pregnant like my mom when she was 19. We do have intercourse a lot, up until now. But that's starting to get to me. We're not suppose to be having sex because it takes away a part of the point for breaking up. We still see each other a lot when we're free and nothing seems to have changed except we don't kiss or say "I love you" to each other. But we'll still hold each other and kiss each other's cheeks, all that stuff couples do. It's starting to make me sad. I still love him and I still can't really see myself with anyone else but him. Being intimate with him is what makes me feel close to him and I know it's not right. So is this friends with benefits type of relationship. It's not suppose to be like this, we were just suppose to be friends. I know him and he's not like that but he couldn't resist either. And I also know for sure that he's not seeing anyone else, but the thought that it could happen gets to me which leads me back to where I am now. I don't know what to do.
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a break, best friend, broke up, christmas, friend with benefits, immature Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): "Being intimate with him is what makes me feel close to him and I know it's not right."He's not being intimate with you, he's getting laid. Big difference."I don't know what to do."Stop putting out for him.As things stand, ex is enjoying all of the benefits of a relationship with none of the responsibilities and as long as he can have you whenever he wants he has no incentive to get back into a relationship. If a chick is willing to let a guy take advantage of her, then most guys will seize the opportunity. As my late grandmother would have said, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): don't turn into the fall back girl.. as hard as it is distance yourself and make him work for it.. he will never want to get back together if you let him have "his cake and eat it too"..guys are sneaky who knows if he assumes he can sleep with other people because your not actually together..
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 Once again, this is very hard to give you a point of view or a piece of advice that 100% fits your situation as we don't have every parameters to provide a perfect arbitration.
Yet, as far as I can see it, sorry, but it SEEMS your "ex" boyfriend has turned you into a friend with (sex)benefits. If it's ok for you to be used to empty his testes whenever he can't handle his tension any longer, no problem. BUT if you are looking for a serious and respectful relationship, everything's wrong here. No one CAN'T treat the woman/man he/her loves like this, for carefulness and respect are the corner stones of any good relationship.
That said, it's up to you to push it a little, or to start looking for somebody else who will love your soul as well as your body, and not just your twat when needed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 January 2014):
 Then stop having sex, and if it helps YOU stop seeing him for a while - go no contact and FOCUS on your education.
The longer you two fool around the longer it will take for either of you to figure out if you WANT to be together or not.
Now if he isn't capable of BOTH dating you and take car of his education, how come he has time for this "whatever it is" ? Have you asked yourself that?
Personally, I think to call it quits and leave each other be for a good long while.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 January 2014):
You said you know the right thing to do, so why are you not doing the right thing? Love is love, it does not have pain, or sadness. We are the ones that cause these things for ourselves, by not doing the right things. Focus on you for now, and if it is meant for you guys to get back together, then it will happen when the time is right.
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