A
female
age
30-35,
*olarichardson
writes:Hi everyone ,Its ben like this let me get straight to the point.Im now dating my boyfriend for some months since july but i known him for 5-6 years already, and out of nowhere we been hanging out the whole World Cup south africa 2010 ''time'', cause we live in amsterdam so y'll know how it is, it was like party everyday in the summer.. anyhow so now we really serious with each other meaning theres no other girl for him and no other man for me, BUT he has an EX girlfriend wich also is his babymomma :( .. i hate her sooooooooo much, she disgust me in everyway, today i had a dream with her AGAIN is the third time i've had this, and she had send me an email some months ago that she wants to beat me up and why im after her man when he got a kid en blabla stuff like that, but i didnt reply cause if she's a f**king MOTHER you shouldnt be sending my stupid hater emails..anyway i know she will always be in his life cause they got a kid together and i never be number 1, i understand the kid come as number 1 and his ex as number 2 so i will be number 3??, i can never take her place of the bond that they have, i know she still want to be with him, cause she still love him.. but he says to me he never going back to her, so yesterday you slept at his place and 7'olock in the morning the bitch calls and say that my boyfriend need to come cause the kid is sick, and he just leave me alone 8 o'clock in the damn morning to go over to her place then he BBM me on the blackberry that he is gonna stay there, and i was going to work at 2 so i was like are you coming back or what, he was like no not right now, i was sooooo pissed so at 7 o'clock in the night i asked him how his son was doing, and then he answerd me IM STILL HERE, i was like wtffff, you beeeen there the whole f**king day, so i said are you gonna sleep there, he was like no im going home in a minute, i mean come on you been with your ex the whole f**king day when i know she still wants you back, she's a psycho that before just start dating she called him in the moring just to say do you still love me ? ... i mean come on, why cant she go on with her life, he's with me now, i cant stand her, i never seen her just pictures but i keep dreaming about her, it so annoying, im so afraid that he will leave me to get back with her again :S .. what should i do ?, i cant keep living like this when everytime the bitch calls he runs to her
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female
reader, MoonLux  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 When people become parents, they usually take a back seat and the priority becomes the child/children.
Questions: Is the schedule erratic? Why the need to stay "there" and not have the baby with you guys? Can they set something up so you can have a scheduled expectations of when and wheres? and.. Since you say that you're for him and he's for you, you know he has a baby and you can be part of loving his child too.
Don't put too much weight on the ex. It's only a problem if you make it.
Good luck and again.. the ex is only a problem if you make it.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Just because she stoops so low and is calling you nasty names, doesn't mean YOU have to sink to her level!
Show that you're "better quality" than she is by totally ignoring her.......if necessary, change your email address and/or block her.........
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A
female
reader, lolarichardson +, writes (2 November 2010):
lolarichardson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice guys .. i understand that his son comes first i totally agree with that .. but what i dont agree is that the ex like using him for every little thing so he go over there to her, thats irritate me so much,..first i didnt want anything to do with her cause i dont know her , i didnt have a problem with her until she start sending me emails that im a whore and that i should stay the f**k away from her man cause when she sees me she would beat the f**k out of me. AND then she really pissed me off, so now im like f**k you bitch!!... i want nothing to do with her ..
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (2 November 2010):
 It doesn't sound like you are number 3, but it sounds like he does put his child first. That's a very good trait for a man to have, I'm sure you don't resent him for that. Its admirable. As far as his ex goes, its all part of the broken family chain...ex tends to go along with the child...like it or not. The best thing you can do is to try to stay out of. I'm sure your guy knows what his ex is like, what's she capable of. Spitting venom about her isn't going to change things, just make it worse. Try to stay calm, level headed and let the two of them deal with things. They are the parents, and they are going to have to interact with each other FOR YEARS. And you need to at least pretend to be secure, seriously...because truthfully men don't like insecure clingy women, and acting all hateful and jealous could actually push a guy away. Be cool..even if it kills you. If he loves you, he loves you, and he won't go back to her. But don't push him away. Been there..done that. Its hard, I know..but you can get through this.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 November 2010):
Lady you are spitting venom concerning your boyfriend's ex! I don't know when I've seen so much hatred expressed in a message........
Anyway, to get to the point: Like it or not, he DOES have a son with this woman, and he SHOULD be a presence in his child's life. He ALSO has a responsibility to pay child support to her for the bringing up of her son - and paying out that money will continue for many years to come.
As for his ex, well, remember that - for the moment at least - YOU are his girlfriend, not her. She is not a "bitch"; she's a human being. She's the one with a baby and is responsible for caring for him, plus she now has a very restricted social life, maybe not a lot of money. Where's your sense of compassion?
You giving him hell over staying with her and their baby is NOT going to endear you to your bf, you know? Unless you can accept that this is something he has to do, you are likely to become his next ex - if you keep this up.
Try and understand what he's dealing with, and go on with your own life. Don't you have friends and activities you enjoy and can get involved in when he's not around? You'd be well-advised to change your attitude.......
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A
male
reader, Nice_Guy_451 +, writes (2 November 2010):
This is a tricky one. Its clear he cares for his kid, and I think that's a good quality, he takes care of his responsibilities.
The ex, she sounds crazy. And like she still wants him. So that really sucks. But if you trust him and what he says, then he won't leave you for her.
This really sucks, she's gonna keep calling and he'll keep going because he cares about his kid. Since he was there all day when he was sick.
Stay with him, try to make it work. Maybe tell him your concerns. I wish I could offer more advice, but this is a tricky one. But honestly, keep trying, at least you can say you tried, no matter what happens.
Good luck with him. Again, sorry I couldn't offer more advice.
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