A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently overheard things about my partner's past I wish I hadnt when she was talking with friends at a party. She is 33 and we have been together for over 9 years. Her past sex life was very promiscuous during uni. I have had only 4 sexual partners in my lifetime, but she made out as if she had that every week during uni. I also heard stories about experimenting with drugs. Both of these dont sit well with me.I appreciate everybody has a past, but it feels almost like I dont know her. How can I learn to live, accept and move on from her past life?
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drugs, her past, move on, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2019): I'm glad my wife sow her wild oats in college, she was popular. It was all before we met. Who else can she tell stuff like that to?
Maybe you can find a disgruntled nun and make her wife.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (20 December 2019):
You’re going to throw away 9 years over something that happened before you met? C’mon man grow up. Weigh the 9 good years you have had together against rumors about her past and you’ll see that the past is irrelevant to what you have.
And if the stories are tue, remember that promiscuity in both men and women is often an unconscious search for love and acceptance I.e. mister or miss right. When she found you, Mister Right she no longer needed that validation.
If you cannot put it aside you have only one other option and that is to move on. Is that really what you want?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2019): OP, I have had only one sexual partner, my wife. We met and married 3yrs out of two different universities. I was a shy introvert and when I saw my future wife, she was the prettiest little blond that I had ever seen! I managed the courage to ask her out. On date one she banged my brains out. The next day was date two and she banged my brains out again. I was hooked. The following day was our third date. We talked and she confessed to me, how many boys and men that she had let have sex with her. Actually she could not tell me the real number, because she was sure that the number lay somewhere between one and two hundred. She told me that she was THAT girl in high school and college and that she slept with as many black guys as white, had dates, one night stands, threesomes, and gangbangs. I was shocked but I liked her and she rocked my world. My reply was Oh Ok. Then she asked if would make love to her and spend the night because no guy had ever made love to her. I did, and 22yrs later, I still stay the night
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (17 December 2019):
 You have two choices here which are pretty obvious since they're the only two choices that you have to choose between: Either break up because it's too much to accept after so many years of being together OR learn to accept that there is nothing that you can do about the past and having her means more to you than what she's done. Did you not know about her past when you met her? Surely it's come up in conversation before? As I said, you have two choices. Choose wisely.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 December 2019):
 If you know everyone has a past then why are you hear asking this question?
Either accept it or let her find someone who can deal with it. What she did before she met you is nothing to do with you. If she has been a good, loyal GF for 9 years then why throw it away for things she did before you even knew her?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 December 2019):
 Has she used drugs while being with you? Or other sex partners?
If not, you can make the CHOICE to ACCEPT that yes, that was part of her past or you can choose not to.
SHE, however CAN NOT change the past whatsoever.
So really you being upset NOW, what's the point?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 December 2019):
 Her past is HER past. It is none of anyone else's business, including yours, unless it affects your health or well-being in some way.
If you have been with her 9 years, then you presumably love her. (I say "presumably" because you don't actually say.) Her past is what has made her who she is today, the woman with whom you have spent 9 we assume happy years.
So she went through a bit of a wild phase while at uni. She won't have been the first, nor will she be the last. So she may have experimented with drugs. Again, many students will dabble a bit while at uni.
She has settled down with YOU. We have to assume she is happy with YOU. She sowed her wild oats and got it out of her system. If you can't get past this, you need to finish the relationship and find yourself someone with a past which you find easier to accept.
This is not about HER but about YOUR feelings of insecurity (and possibly superiority).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2019): this is such a timeless question. men never get sick of being worked up over things that women did before them. so let's say she slept with loads of guys in uni. And she did some drugs. Does that change the person she's been for the last nine years? What material difference does it make to your life now? Why does this make you insecure? The only way to get past these kinds of issues with a partners past is to realise that it's got nothing to do with them. it's to do with you, your feelings and your insecurity. Drill into why exactly it makes you uncomfortable and you can address that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2019): I'll say only this. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. It was more than nine years ago!!!
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