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My partner want to give birth without medical help...this is dangerous and I am worried. What should I do?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2006)
A male , anonymous writes:

how do i cope with a woman in labour? she's 27, but wants no medical interventions - i told her this was dumb and she could be endangering her and our unborn baby's life but she said that if she went for any checkups or anything then they might intervene with the birth.

i'm torn in half, i know it's her body but it's also my baby. when she goes into labour she says she is going to run off to have the baby on her own if i try and call anyone. she is from Romania and i am British and i love her very much but i think she would run off if i even threatened to call a hospital.

what im really asking i guess is for some advice on childbirth without medical intervention. has anyone done it? what are the risks? will the pain be too much for her? should i tell someone and risk losing her until after the birth or should i help her when at least i am there if something goes wrong? thanks.

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A female reader, xxhoney69xx +, writes (7 February 2006):

xxhoney69xx agony aunttell her she is putting her and her baby at risk, just explain that she doesn't have to have any pain relief but it would be sensible to be in a hospital or have a doctor on stand by incase of complications, if you are not fluent in her language or she is not fluent in english then find somebody who is as this would increase her likeliness of understanding, otherwise she may feel frustrated i hope you can convince he, if worst comes to worst then you need to now how to deal with a birth good luk hope i hav helped a lil bit xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006):

Do some research on a "midwife", who will help give birth to the baby in your home. The midwife is trained as a doctor is, but uses a very holistic, natural philosophy in delivering children. If you don't have some type of intervention, you run a great risk of infant and/or mother mortality, similar to that of the cave men days.....good luck.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (31 January 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntIt is very foolish of her not to get checkups, have the baby at home if she wants to but the prenatal checkups can reveal any problems with the fetus. Some of these can be corrected in the womb before the baby is born. Most Doctors won't interfere with her decision to have the baby at home. If this is her first baby I think she's in for the surprize of her life, it hurts like hell!

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (31 January 2006):

Bev Conolly agony auntThere's nothing inherently "dangerous" about giving birth without medical assistance, or our pre-1900 ancestors wouldn't have made it into the world, would they?

Until the latter half of the 20th-Century, it was very commonplace for women to give birth at home, usually in bed, sometimes in the kitchen (because of access to water). There can certainly be complications and pain, and you two need a back-up plan and a "cut off point" if it turns out that the labour produces problems, so that you can get help if it's required. That's what you need to discuss with her.

The two of you need to read up on home births, find out what possible complications she might have and mutually decide at what point she's willing to value her and her baby's health over her perceived interference of medical technology. Maybe she'd be willing to get a midwife in to assist? Midwives are trained professionals and they're generally willing to be guided by the woman's preference, as long as the baby's health isn't compromised.

For the record, my nephew was born at home, 7 years ago, in his parents' bed, after a 15-hour labour with no medical intervention, and no pain relief. My sis-in-law was determined that she wanted to experience the whole birthing process with a clear head... Home births are less uncommon than you might think, so consider listening to your girlfriend's argument in favour of it.

Remember that women around the world, today, are giving birth without medical assistance, and that humans have been doing it for a couple of million years already. There *can* be risks of course, and you should know about them, so talk with your girlfriend's ob-gyn, who'll be able to give you much more information and guidance.

Good luck!

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