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male
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anonymous
writes: I have very strong feelings for one of my friends and we have recently got very close, and she told me that she had feelings for me.The only problem is that she recently split up with her boyfriend because it wasn't working, although she said she still loved him but wasn't happy with him at all.I was supporting her through the break up, and she felt like she made the right decision and we were closer than ever. But about a week later they slept together for "closure" she said, and they still flirt and hug etc.Me and the girl have a real connection but have I got a chance when she says she still loves her ex even though she has feelings for me? And it really hurt when they slept together after they had broken up- is this common with a break up or not?I love this girl, but do I have a chance? Should I go for it?
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 January 2006):
 I whole heartedly agree with Bev and Milana about stringing you along. I personally have slept with my X (Closure my rear end)for the selfish, personal gain of thinking that I could make her fall in love with me; like before. I've done it a few times and it NEVER worked. I was a jerk (butthead if you want) to them and that's why we broke up. If you close a checking account do you get to make a withdrawl after closure? NO! If you go to the mall and it say's closed, do you go in? NO! If you ask a woman out and she say's "No" do you ask her the next day? NO. If the bank repo's a house/car on foreclosure do you get to live in it? NO!
Point being; Closure is a word that means, terminated, ended, finito, finished, finale', waxed, wasted or just down right completed. There is NO MORE! So for what it's worth if she say's X and still does her X; he's not an X he's a current with a bad attitude. I know you said several times your close and have a connection (sorta). Ask yourself this: DID YOU LAY DOWN THE GROUND RULES FOR YOU AND HER TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP? Probably not! So as for her violating your trust, there may not be any violation. As for you and your feelings, I'm sorry your really attatched, but you need to tell her that her definition of closure and yours are two different things. If she doesn't understand the tell her that you need to go screw your X; just to make sure it's over. Now does that make sense? NO!
Booty call? YES Closure? No, naugh uh, no way, hell no, not in this lifetime.
Just so you know those girls I was talking about; well that was about 12 years ago and since then when I agree that it's over I see just which one of the 300 million women I can fall in love with next; not the pain in the rear I just got rid of(Unless it's amicable). Then there's no hard feelings and your free to go anyway.
You know I'm really proud of you for saying in your letter that it "REALLY HURT" like a real gentleman would have. Show's you do have true feelings and more men should admit it.
If you do decide to persue her and you catch her remember this: You can never hold what she did, over her head; making her feel guilty. The past is the past and you just move on. But, think about this! The past is the only thing that does hurt; the future never hurts. Good luck to you sir!
Sincerely
Ed
A
female
reader, MilanaNYC21 +, writes (19 January 2006):
 It is common for ex's to have sex being that it is better to be intimate with someone you know and trust rather than a random person. However, if she genuinely wants to move on then she should not be having sex with this guy. I think you have been grouped into the "nice guy" category and she does not see you in a romantic light, otherwise she would not have disrespected you in this manner.
I say move on and forget about her. She seems very immature from her above actions.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 January 2006):
 I'm really sorry, hon, but I don't think this is on the cards. This girl feels grateful to you for being her rock and supporting her in a time of hurt, but it looks to me like she's stringing you along in case she needs a Back Up Boyfriend.
That's just selfish, and it's not fair to you.
Her intimacy is still with her ex, because she's sleeping with him, even when she says it's "over". Hm. Does that sound like It's Over to you? Me neither.
And, no, most people wouldn't sleep with an ex, "closure" or not. When a relationship is finished, it's usually because you don't have a connection with that person any longer. Sex with an ex usually means that things AREN'T over.
You're a sweetheart to have helped this girl, but she sounds to me like she's using you and ignoring the fact that you've become attached. You need to get your feet back on the ground and see that -- at least right now -- this is a waste of your time and energy.
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