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male
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anonymous
writes: im 20 and my girlfriend is 18 and we have just found out we are having a baby! im not ready to leave home yet and cant afford a place of our own. her parents wont allow her to live at home if she has this baby. i love my girlfriend but sometimes when i go out i meet othergirls when im drunk and regret it all the morning after, what should i do? help??????
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 If you're not ready to leave home yet and still hit on other girls, thinking drunkenness is an OK excuse, and if she's still subject to her parents' edicts... then you two are not ready to have babies.
I can't emphasise too much the fact that a child isn't a gadget you can ignore when you get bored with it. You're going to have this child with you all day, every day, when you're 24... 31... 38... and older! You never stop being someone's parent, not even when the child reaches the age of majority. The rewards of parenthood are wonderful and intagible, but the price is still high. Are you sure you want to do this? Is she?
Your girlfriend sounds like she's already hung up on the idea of a cute and cuddly baby, but may not really be thinking what things will be like two or three years into the future, when you both may have the 24-hour responsibility of a completely normal, tantrum-throwing toddler.
You and your girlfriend need to stop everything else that you're doing, stop thinking about yourselves, and start discussing the hard stuff. Ask yourselves:
* Have you thoroughly thought through the repercussions of having the child/adoption/termination/any other alternatives?
* Are you ready to become parents?
* Are you financially-independant enough to support yourselves and a child?
* Are you going to formalise a union together, or are you each going to live separately and share parenting responsibilities?
* Which of you will stay at home to mind the child and which of you is going to work? Will you both work?
I strongly urge you to get some guidance from an outside source about your choices. A women's health clinic can advise your girlfriend about her options, and if you decide to have the child, to make sure that her baby gets the best possible start in life.
This isn't something that either one of you can ignore, so please don't put off your discussion. The sooner you act, the more choices you'll have. Please consider the welfare of the child you've created before you consider yourselves. Remember that you can choose your destiny (to some extent), but your child can't. He or she is stuck with whatever environment you two create.
Frankly, you both sound very young and too unready for the task of raising a child, but if you do then both of you need to be ready for a crash course in altruistic sacrifice and parental responsibilities. If you decide that you want to have this child, please ensure that you plan for it in a way that you can maintain, by getting jobs and putting money away as much as possible, because babies are expensive.
I'm seriously not trying to dissuade you from having your child, but encouraging you to talk with each other about all the possibilities you have, before you decide what to do next. Think about your individual futures, and your collective one. Would you have gotten married one day anyway? Was this pregnancy a result of a complete accident, or did one or both of you want it?
Please encourage your girlfriend to go with you for some advice at a medical centre or women's health centre. When you've got some facts in front of you, you'll be able to make an informed decision about things.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): If you are cheating on you girlfriend, now's the time to be a man, grow up, and thank your lucky stars that it's actually your girlfriend who is pregnant. Sorry to sound harsh, but get a job, make some money and finish what you started.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lizabeth +, writes (17 January 2006):
you need to talk to her, i no these feelings are so far from being your fault but this isnt fair, this girl is about to give up maybe the next 18 years of her life thinking that your behind her the whole way. it sounds like shes made her mind up about keeping it butif you keep these feelings from her you'll be a worse father than you are boyfriend, its bad enough that you've cheated. you are young to have a baby so tell her that. she won't be the first single mom in the world jst do your part as a dad, at least a part time dad but no offence you will be labelled as a typical dad if u leave her with no explanation don't you think she deserves the truth? good luck xxx
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