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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: iam 18... i rescently met this guy who is not same religion as me... i didnt care at start but iam getting deeep feeelings for him. nd now the religion is getting important for me and him... so i dont know what to do.. i am sure i wont be converting my religion into his becuase alot of problems but i dont know about him he loves me heaps nd me too... but we not sure what to do..please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): Just adding my thoughts into the mix, here. I know you will not be getting married any day soon, but there always is a high possibility that your relationship could get serious enough that there could be a day that marriage could become a reality. It's so smart of you to really give this some thought now, especially if you are getting closer and your love is getting deeper with your bf. So many couples really, really do underestimate the huge impact of an unshared religious life, until they bring children in to their lives. Then that is usually where the problems will begin. Your relationship is building momentum here and that could mean marriage and kids, in your future..maybe not. But, if a marriage ever does occur, I will say that one of you should definitely convert and you should decide which one of is willing to do that. It really sounds like your own individual religion is important to both of you. And that will be very important to any family you may have with this man, in your future. One the most greatest bonding elements of a marriage and family, is a mutually embraced religion in which a whole family can worship together. Just the way I view it. Not saying I am right or wrong but I have seen this 'religion issue' rip a great couple apart, especially after the kids were born. You really have to consider so much more about what you for your family, someday in the future. Good Luck..it's not an easy task.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): Of course it ~can~ work out, but whether it does in practice is dependant on a number of factors:
1. How devout is each person in his/her faith? Does each person make room for other's beliefs?
2. Are there plans for allowing each person the room to worship without feeling judged by the other?
3. Do both have the support of their families and religious communities?
4. Would each be mature enough to accept that the other is unlikely to change in future, or convert to the other's faith?
5. Is there a plan for raising kids? What faith will they be shown, or will they be allowed to pick one (or none)?
6. What happens on high holy days? Which family will the couple see? Can each participate in the other's holy days without sacrificing his or her own beliefs?
What I'm trying to point out is that both parties need to cooperate with the other, compromise and be very flexible. That requires a high level of maturity and a deep enough faith that you can allow other people to be what they are, without feeling a need to proselytse. (That applies to both parties, of course.) It's a lot of concession and a lot of give and take to make such a thing work out.
That means you need a lot more, ultimately, than being "madly in love". However, madly in love is a good starting point. If you can also be mature enough to accept that not everyone wants to believe what you do, then you're on the way.
Give it a whirl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I've always been sensitive to religion, but the question is, are you two spiritually inclined to doctrine, or are you two philosophically inclined to being spiritual? If you are the type of 'faithful' that preach the 'teachings' of religion on your future kids and others around you, then I will tell you that this relationship will have a high possibility of NOT working out. HOWEVER, if you are the type of 'faithful' that believe in your religion from within and within those boundaries solely, then hey, you two can continue onto marriage and beyond.
Example: I have a female friend who was totally in love with this guy, but this guy who is also my male friend left her because she was too demanding on her religious beliefs. To this day, she still has super deep feelings for him, and whimpers every time I mention his name. All in the name of religion. Fantastic concept isn't it?
Then I have another pair of friends, one is Buddhist and the other Christian. They are common-law spouses and plan to get married. My male friend do not want children because the wife is thinking of 'teaching' the children about Christianity. My male friend isn't against Christianity per se, but he rather his kids grow up as individuals, rather than being a part of a questionable doctrine.
Then I have another pair of friends whom are Catholics, quite hardcore mind you - makes me wonder how they can accept me sometimes. They fight a lot. Their relationship is failing. Yet they will not divorce because of their religious doctrine. Their kids are affected and have become rebellious. Their eldest son often emails and calls me to ask why they fight, and aren't all Catholics supposed to be happy. Well, his parents are my friends, thus I should do the more compassionate thing and defend them right? 8]
"Own beliefs" as beentheredonethat had mentioned. [ponders] If only religious 'faithfuls' can truly keep it within their own hearts.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (14 December 2006):
 Well, it will greatly depend on what both of your religions are. If either or both of you belong to one of those religions that feel if you don't believe exactly as we say, you can't go to heaven types, then you may find the obstacles of family too much to stay together. Also, before you have kids...you have to figure out what you'll do about that sort of question....and both families will be pushing for their Grandchildren to be Their religion. If however, both religions are similar and you don't live in a country torn apart by religious differences...then things can be worked out.
Or, you can both decide to forgo the religion you were raised in and find your own place and follow your own beliefs. It depends on how firmly you both feel and how willing to make sacrifices you are. It can work out but it can also be a nightmare.
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