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He's married with 3 kids and I just had his 4th! We argue all the time..is this ever going to work?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2006) 8 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2006)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend is married with 3 chldren and ive just had his forth (a baby girl) i love him but we argue all the time. do you think its ever going to work?

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (31 December 2006):

eddie agony auntYou've put youself into a rotten situation. You can't undue the damage you've created with you "man". Actually he's not your man, he's married.

Now the most important thing should be the child. You are young. You need to act like a mature parent now. So far you haven't made the proper choices. You've been the mistress/homewrecker, unsafe sex, and now you've brought a child into the world you'll possibly have to support on your own.

It's not too late. You need to take the high road and decide you're going to make good choices. You need to respect yourself and others. As far as working it out with the father. You don't deserve first chance at that. Not because you're not worthy of happiness or a man either. His wife and other kids deserve to be considered first. Unless his marriage is completely washed up, he should try and rebuild it. That is his duty and unless his marriage is past the point of no return, you'll probably be out of luck. This is what you can expect when you play the role of mistress.

The help you can get is this. Try to figure out why you'll settle for second choice. Learn from this. Love your child, repect yourself and OTHERS. Imagine this, his wife writing a letter for help

......I find myself in a terrible spot. My husband has gone off and had a baby with a young woman. I've tried so hard to be a great wife/mother. I don't know what we're going to do. We've got three wonderful children. How can I tell my kids what he's done? We hardly had enough money and now we'll be paying support for another child. Can I forgive him? I'm also scared for my health. I'm going to have a test for STD's. What if brought some disease home? My life is shattered, I don't know what to do.........

That is the possible flip side to the story. For every action, there's a reaction. The choices we make affect ourselves and others. Please start fresh and move forward. It's not to late and you deserve more than a part time partner.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006):

married man thats ok,but if he's playing hubby to the wife dump him.loads of great single guys out there looking for a good woman with ready made families.im a divorced woman with 7 children and i found myself a fantastic guy whom i love loads and im finaly happy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006):

Wow...you certainly like a challenge or self punishment. For the sake of the baby...I hope it can be resolved and it can best be done by going to a counsellor to address all issues and concerns. Just go at it; no pussy footing.

Counsellor will both teach you how to communicate, deal and cope as well as see from the other's perspective. Counsellor will also air out expectations of the relationship and how to raise Baby.

Get to one ASAP.

Hard work, commitment, honesty, listening, forgiving...you both need to develop these traits so they are more pronounced so you can both work towards a healthy and strong dynamic.

Best Wishes.

Congratulations on the new addition. *hugs*

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A female reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (31 December 2006):

beentheredonethat agony auntNOpe. Does the wife know? What exactly do you mean work out? Do we think you have a solid foundation for a long term relationship? No....you argue all the time...have the added burden of a child and then there is the part about Him being married to someone else. I don't envy you your predicament. Is he providing for your daughter or just playing DAD when it suits him? Things will work out in some fashion....just probably not with the two of you together in wedded bliss.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2006):

willywombat agony auntHardly enough here for us to give advice on. Who is he married to? Is he involved with his other children?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006):

I really dont see any reason why it should work. Unless you define "work" in the loosest and least ambitious way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):

What are you doing dating a married man and having his baby?

You must know that what you are doing is wrong. You are assisting in betraying his wife and children.

So to answer your question, no, it won't work.

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A female reader, Pretty and proud United Kingdom +, writes (30 December 2006):

Pretty and proud agony auntsorry hunni but no friends is a good idea you just need to let go and concentrate on your new baby girl :-)

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