| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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I don't feel comfortable with my boyfriend's parenting
Q. I have been dating a man with a 13 year old daughter for 5 months and feel ready to meet her. I thought I was anyway. He is still drying her after a shower on her back and her legs. She is going through puberty and has all the maturing parts of a ...
A. 28 October 2016: No, not right. I agree that you should be telling him to set the boundaries. He can’t just wait for her to stop asking him, he’s got to make it clear what is and is not appropriate. I am assuming in all this that she doesn’t have any kind of ... (read in full...)
Will my financial dependance on my boyfriend become a problem?
Q. I am in a successful, long-term relationship with someone who I hope to marry. He has not proposed, but we have talked seriously about it. I currently live with my single mother. My biggest concern is that I have little formal education (I ...
A. 22 October 2016: You begin by saying that you’re in a “successful” relationship. To be successful, there needs to be mutual trust. If it’s going to work between you, you have to be willing to trust in what he says: if he says that he considers the household income ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend hooked up with my cousin years ago
Q. My girlfriend and I've been dating for a few months, I'm bothered that I have sex with the same girl my cousin had. I know everyone has a past but he's my family member, it's weird! She told me she had sex with him years ago in college. My cous...
A. 21 October 2016: If you really feel that you can’t be with her anymore, you’ve answered your own question. IT’s a pity: it was before you met and she’s done nothing wrong. Your cousin didn’t lie but chose not to tell you something that, it seems, was dead and buried ... (read in full...)
Amazing connection vs. mind blowing sex
Q. So, does one choose an amazing emotional connection with good sex and potential for a long term relationship? Or does one choose the best sex he's ever had in his entire life with no emotional connection? But absolutely mind blowing sex! I've foun...
A. 21 October 2016: Either give up the sex buddy or call it quits with this girl. If that connection meant enough to you, you would give up your sex buddy. Temptation is a part of life. You sacrifice the chance with anyone else for some-one you’re in love with and ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to be upset with the way my boyfriend treated me?
Q. Hello, I would like to seek your opinion on the following situation and please let me know if I over reacted. My plane had just landed home from a trip to visit my boyfriend. We had a wonderful visit and he couldn't bear to see me leave. We had plan...
A. 15 October 2016: I think you were being a bit ridiculous actually. Why should you have been his priority? You’d been his priority throughout your wonderful visit, I assume. What do you want him to do: sit around moping? He’d said goodbye to you and he’d gone out for ... (read in full...)
What do younger guys see in older women?
Q. Older woman, younger man... I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was...
A. 15 October 2016: It’s simple: everyone is attracted to different things. You take care of yourself, keep in shape and watch your figure: why wouldn’t a man find that attractive? Also some men, much like the younger women, prefer the maturity and sophistication of an ... (read in full...)
Is he living out a porn fantasy?
Q. I'm recently divorced. My ex-husband was my first and only partner until now. Our sex life was always kind of vanilla to tell the truth and his sexual drive was never equal to mine. Anyway, I'm dating a younger man (he's 27). We just started having ...
A. 15 October 2016: Is contraception used? Might he think this a way to avoid pregnancy?
What you describe is not uncommon: over the years on this site I’ve heard quite a few stories of men doing this. Some actually go one better and ejaculate in their partner’s face... (read in full...)
Am I forcing things? Is my Dad right?
Q. Hello everyone and I'm sorry for this post. This is a bit more personal than I'm comfortable with so here it goes... A few of you may know(or not), I've been together with my girlfriend since January we met at University and she even spent the summ...
A. 15 October 2016: You’re thinking in an all or nothing way: you assume everything has to feel right and make sense or it doesn’t. True love, and life in general, are just not that simple. So what you need to do is to have some independence: try just going out with ... (read in full...)
I am worried about my the narcissist my sister is dating!
Q. He had an affair with my sister and he left his wife of nearly 30 years. His wife says he is very narcissistic and will destroy and cheat on her eventually!? Is she right. I can't see it he is very loving and careing towards my sister and teats her ...
A. 15 October 2016: It sounds like there are just too many people hurt and let down by him for this all to be the mere vengeful rantings of a betrayed and bitter ex. Unfortunately, though, whatever the truth is, your sister is in love with him and will have to figure ... (read in full...)
I told my chick friend who has kids that I won’t date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense?
Q. A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids. We don't live together but since we don't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out. We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our ...
A. 26 September 2016: There are many reasons why some people choose not to date parents: some dislike kids, others are fine with them but don't want the responsibility, some don't want ex drama and still others want to share the incredible experience of becoming a ... (read in full...)
Lots of issues... Younger girlfriend, torrid past, immature, we're not gelling sexually... What do I do?
Q. So I'm 30 dating a 24 year old and I'm finding it very difficult in a few ways. One that bothers me is how many guys and the caliber of guys she's been with before me. Since we've been dating she has told me some stories and it raised some red ...
A. 25 September 2016: I can’t help feeling that the poor girl is condemned whatever she does. If she leaves you, you’ll say that you knew it all along. If she tells you that she wants to be with you and get serious, you don’t really believe her. Is it little wonder that ... (read in full...)
I'm putting up a wall. Should I show some trust and let him know how I feel?
Q. I'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel. Whenever I get unusually upset about something (and I try and hold it in), but he always seems to know that something's up and asks me about it. At first, I play it cool with a s...
A. 25 September 2016: Is it smart to put up a wall? Well it’s only you that loses out. So you will go your separate ways, but there’s phone calls, video calling, texting and good old-fashioned travelling to visit. You don’t need to be around some-one these days to be ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you?
Q. Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you? I can't imagine finding anyone who suits my needs, I rarely see anyone who I would like to date. There must come a time when you finally meet someone who is trustworthy and ...
A. 25 September 2016: “There’s some-one out there for everyone.” IT’s a silly saying, because it encourages people to date with their absolute ideal in mind. I wonder if you’re doing just that. Where are you looking? In certain spaces, such as online dating apps, the ... (read in full...)
He's so ready to give up on our affair. What should I do? He's married, and he's unjustly accused me of being unfaithful
Q. Hello everyone I need advice on something I've Been messing around with this married man for about 2 years. I haven't spoken to this man in 3 weeks over the labor day weekend I believe he seen me talking to another man an now he is acussing me o...
A. 10 September 2016: He doesn't love you. Why do you think he's still married? It's an affair and he's using you. Maybe he's accusing you of being unfaithful because he knows you've already entered in to one affair with him. Alternatively it might just be a convenient ... (read in full...)
I dream of becoming a writer but need a push to take the next step
Q. I wrote an article for an international blog and i was commended on my work. I remained anonymous though; and its still grossingba lot of views. I have always wanted to write but even with this i still dont believe i am a good writer even thou...
A. 8 September 2016: In an Internet and social media age, it's as easy as the click of a few buttons to set up your own free blog: I have got one. Get writing and learn how to take advantage of platforms like Twitter to promote your work. This will serve as a body of ... (read in full...)
Was I in the wrong at all here? Should I complain? Should I leave a bad review?
Q. Hi all! Some advice needed please. I've been going to this beauty salon for almost 3 years and they have a very strict policy whereby if you give less than 24 hours notice to cancel your appointment, you are fully charged. I have no problem...
A. 4 September 2016: Go ahead, make your complaint and leave a bad review. If you are able to prove that you made contact with them and that this had been seen, they have no grounds whatsoever to demand the money from you. They have screwed up and should have the ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a lie to 2 women. Now confused and missing my daughter. What should I do?
Q. Hi agony aunts, I have a problem and I'm sorry if this is long. I was married to a girl who is from a different country - we met when she was studying. Fast Forward two years and I married to her. We had a child who is now 18 months but my wi...
A. 4 September 2016: Assuming you want to be with your girlfriend, why not just tell her the truth? You have a wife with whom you have separated, but she is trying to blackmail you with your daughter as the weapon. I am sure your girlfriend will sympathise. She may ... (read in full...)
My partner has become evasive. I gave him his marching orders but he wanted to stay. It was too late?
Q. Recently my partner has been going to a new church but he is evasive about where this church is or what it is called. Previously we used to go to church together. Yesterday he went to a church party which was apparently for one hour in the afte...
A. 4 September 2016: Do you really need suggestions? The guy shouts abuse at you and calls you the devil: he sounds mad, and I can’t help wondering if his church is mad too. You did the right thing by finishing with him. Now you need to completely ignore him.
I wis... (read in full...)
How do I seduce my female college professor?
Q. I honestly think this is fate. I'm a college freshman, I was dreading my 4hr class with a professor I heard was tough and moody. I get to class and it's this young beautiful short girl with big curly hair. I immediately raise my hand and tell her ...
A. 4 September 2016: Sorry but really you need to grow up a bit. She is there to teach and your relationship is a professional one. You should know by your age what a silly crush is and to ignore it. To claim that this is fate is complete nonsense. Focus on the ... (read in full...)
I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?
Q. Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...
A. 2 September 2016: He's married with a child: what is there to explain? He lied to you and is lying to them presumably. Even if they are separated, he still lied about his child. Really, that's all you need to know. Forget about him and move on.
I wish you all ... (read in full...)
Never had a date. Should I pay someone to go on a date with me?
Q. I've never been on a date before, and I've never had a girlfriend. Of course that means I've never been intimate (never had first kiss or sex). I'm very awkward and I'm not very attractive aesthetically. So far no woman has been interested in go...
A. 27 August 2016: My love life is exactly like yours, but I wouldn’t even consider the idea of paying some-one for a first date. How is that going to help? Quite simply, it’s not a date: it’s a contractual transaction. It won’t make you feel any better and it won’t ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is insisting I sell my house
Q. I'm a women in her late 40's and my boyfriend of 5 years is in his mid 50's. Both of us have been married 2x's and we both have children in teen's and early 20's. I own my home and he lives in a family member's extra home in a different city. He ...
A. 27 August 2016: Tell him to grow up and stop being so silly. It’s a house. It’s the house you want to live in. It’s a house in which you started to make better memories after a horrible time and where you want to continue making happier memories for the future with ... (read in full...)
Co-workers don't like me, should I be bothered?
Q. I'm 25, working in a big company here in US. I just moved here from the Philippines a year ago, been struggling to naturally blend with people. I started with my new job 5 months ago, I totally enjoy my job and I feel like this is the right career ...
A. 27 August 2016: I doubt that your co-workers dislike you, it’s just that a lot of people have purely professional relationships with the people at their work. Office politics can often create tension and resentment. It’s important not to take it personally, but do ... (read in full...)
Devastation in Italy
Q. This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
A. 27 August 2016: This site is about life, and all its ups and downs, so I think this article is well-placed here and thank you for posting it. I came back on Monday from a short holiday in Italy. Italians are some of the kindest, most generous, warm and welcoming ... (read in full...)
I have lied to my parents for two years and it's really getting to me. At the crossroads. So what should I?
Q. I really need some help right now, so hopefully someone can turn me in the right direction. First I should start out by saying that I just turned 20 but since I live with my parents I have to follow their rules. Okay, so I have always been a go...
A. 14 August 2016: I think eventually you will need to tell the truth: everyone is a stranger in the beginning, whether met online or in another way. But until you’ve actually met this guy and found out whether you connect in person, you’re fretting about problems ... (read in full...)
Married but cheating on my husband with two other men. Exciting for me but it's becoming too much. What are my options?
Q. I'm a married female,no kids, who has been cheating on my husband with a single man for almost two years now... A couple months ago when I arrived at my guys apartment,another man was there with him, who he said was one of his friends from way back...
A. 14 August 2016: I get fed up with people saying “I can’t stop.” Oh yes you can, but plainly you don’t want to. What’s most staggering about your post is that you haven’t even considered your husband in all this – but for a bit of background at the beginning anyone ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend always want to cum on my face?
Q. When me and my boyfriend have anal sex, he always wants to cum on my face after. I don't mind once in a while but not every time. I have blown him many times and swallowed many times. Can anyone tell me why he wants this all the time ? ...
A. 13 August 2016: I've heard of a few men who get off on cumming in their partner's face over the years. I expect it's a domination and power thing. It's a show of his manliness. Quite why anyone would want something that's just been acquainted with an anus near ... (read in full...)
We slept together and now he's gone silent, advice?
Q. I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice on my situation. To start things off I've never been in a Relationship due to the fact I've never been interested and preferred to focus on school, work and enjoying my time with my friends....
A. 12 August 2016: I would contact him once more and ask if he’d like to arrange to go out or do something. That’s the kind of message he has to respond to in such a way that you’ll know where you stand either way. He’ll either say no, fudge the question, say yes or ... (read in full...)
Why is no one appetizing?
Q. Sorry just some Friday musing here. Dont mind me if there is a more serious question to be answered on here. Im a single female of 25 and use online dating as my main source of dating and its great! I get meet so many different men from all bac...
A. 12 August 2016: Sorry, I’m not convinced that you are as over the ex as you claim. Perhaps you’ve accepted that there’s no way back in terms of resuming a relationship, but why have you kept him on your Facebook? Why are you asking if he wants you back? And the ... (read in full...)
My circumstances have changed a lot since yesterday. New issues - Can you help me on what to do?
Q. Hi there, thanks for looking at my question. I actually posted yesterday (sorry) but my circumstances have changed a lot and I'm looking for help to save my relationship - and to know if it's worth saving. I've been in floods of tears and feel as t...
A. 12 August 2016: The problem with this situation is that by blaming yourself, you’re giving him licence to lie as often as he likes. Why should he tell the truth if you’re happy to use your flaws as justification for him? Whether he has something to hide or is just ... (read in full...)
Why can't our married friend break up with his mistress?
Q. Can anyone tell me why a married man keeps hanging onto his mistress for many years? She is high maintenance, is not always nice to him, is a drain on him physically and emotionally and causes him headaches and complications in his life. And ye...
A. 12 August 2016: I think the previous posters have got this about right. Rational and logical men are, unfortunately, sometimes ruled by what’s in their pants instead of their brains. Maybe the fact that she is hard work and demanding keeps the thrill of the chase ... (read in full...)
Should I be considering breaking up with my Gf since I suffered erectile issues with her recently?
Q. So I recently posted about trying not to get too excited when I'm with my new girlfriend. Well, tonight it went the complete opposite direction. We were at her place (she lives with her mom, stepdad, and three siblings) and things were goin...
A. 12 August 2016: I am going to assume the relationship is otherwise good here. “I’m really upset,” you say. There lies the likely answer to your problem. If you continue putting yourself under such enormous pressure to be the perfect lover, you’re going to ... (read in full...)
In love with a boy. What can I do to encourage this boy to fall for me too?
Q. I've been in love with this boy for maybe a year now but i have only gotten to know him in the last few months. I used to be in love with the idea of him but now that i actually know him, i've fallen ever deeper for him. The thing is, we've be...
A. 7 August 2016: You are very young. I’m sorry to tell you that it doesn’t work like that: you can’t make people feel something for you. We can’t make ourselves fall in or out of love and we can’t make others fall in or out of love with us. The only thing you can do ... (read in full...)
What does my ex girlfriend really want?
Q. Hello everyone. So I've asked for advice before and I guess I'm asking again. So my girlfriend and I spilt up. Things got a bit messy. I said some horrible things and she did too. We didn't call each other nasty names or anything. W...
A. 7 August 2016: This situation is ridiculous and mixed up. Maybe you both are mixed up too. That said, if she turns up at your work I don’t see why she got so upset when you said you’d come and see her, whether it was a joke or not. Perhaps she wanted you to come. ... (read in full...)
I did lie to her about my age. Do I get my ex girlfriend a birthday present, hoping she'll start talking to me again?
Q. Do I get my ex girlfriend a birthday gift, maybe a book, Starbucks gift card and small flowers with small card attached just saying Happy Birthday from me? Or what would you suggest? I want her back and just even talking again to start. I met this...
A. 7 August 2016: Sorry, but chalk it up to experience and learn from your mistakes. It’s never a wise move to lie. It’s also not a wise move to delay when you do something stupid in panic. You should have come clean later that day or the next, as soon as you ... (read in full...)
I can't forgive or learn to love him.
Q. I want a divorce. But, I feel that it is selfish and illogical. And I love my husband in a platonic way and do not want to hurt him, I know that it would be better for him in the long run to be with somebody else but he is very dependent on...
A. 7 August 2016: I don’t think this is a question of maturity now. Your mistake was marrying him and trying to make it work in the first place, knowing that the feelings weren’t there. But don’t beat yourself up too much about that: it was a bad decision made with ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome the fact that I can't stand being alone?
Q. For the last four years all I have done is go out an party and get involved with the wrong people - even though these people are selfish- superficial and life revolves around their own selfish motives I go out just to get my mind off and not be a...
A. 7 August 2016: I agree with the previous posters. You’re lonely because you’re not trying to change anything about your circumstances. Great, you’ve stopped hanging around with the people who aren’t good for you, but even if they were bad for you they were at ... (read in full...)
I got rejected but I still like him
Q. I met a guy on tinder in May and I fell for him and I thought it was mutual because when we see (which is not very often due to his job) we always make out and stuff, plus he once asked me if I would like to fall in love with him. A few days ago, I ...
A. 3 August 2016: For me it's simple: when you are at the stage of making out, you should be exclusive. If you don't put off dating others to make yourself available for someone that you are interested in, how are things going to progress? Sure, take things slowly ... (read in full...)
Our families are not blending. Is it time to move on?
Q. Help!! My partner and I live with our 5 kids. Two from his previous relationship three from mine. He's very bias towards his kids and I'm scared its damaging my kids. Two of my kids spend half the week with their dad and I was on my own with the ...
A. 2 August 2016: He is obviously trying to compensate for the terrible tragedy that happened to his children, but he's going about it the wrong way. Meanwhile, he plainly has not accepted your kids. Regardless of whether this is because he has not bonded with ... (read in full...)
Should I be chasing the romantic highs
Q. Is the fairytale real or are relationships hard work? I've been with my boyfriend 3 years; lived together for 1.5. I love him dearly and we get on well 99 per cent of the time. While I love spending time with him and get the warm fuzzy feeling ...
A. 2 August 2016: Get yourself a column on this site if you want to find out the answer to that question about fairytales. The truth is, all relationships take work, compromise and effort from both parties to succeed. The initial high or honeymoon period Will ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid coming on too strong with a guy I've just met?
Q. Hi, I recently fooled around with my friend's friend who I've just met. We got on really well and he seemed pretty comfortable the morning after. He mentioned giving me a call later in the week and then later that day sent me a text tell...
A. 2 August 2016: I would text him before you go away. I think in these kinds of situations it is best to be completely honest. Tell him you enjoyed your time together and ask him if he would like to meet again. Then you can forget about it and move on unless you ... (read in full...)
I got rejected but I still like him
Q. I met a guy on tinder in May and I fell for him and I thought it was mutual because when we see (which is not very often due to his job) we always make out and stuff, plus he once asked me if I would like to fall in love with him. A few days ago, I ...
A. 29 July 2016: I’m afraid I agree with Miss Frank that there is no substance to this relationship. I think you want different things. How can he want to be friends for now yet make out with you? You don’t make out with friends. Why do you need to talk more about ... (read in full...)
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