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Why is no one appetizing?

Tagged as: Online dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 August 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Sorry just some Friday musing here. Dont mind me if there is a more serious question to be answered on here.

Im a single female of 25 and use online dating as my main source of dating and its great! I get meet so many different men from all backgrounds from around my city and even further out. I have met 300 people for coffee in past 3 years! Great! I made probably 50 good friends out of them! Great!

But I am still alone. I find that as years and months past I am scrolling online and feeling less eager to meet. I see so many GOOD men but they arent necessarily very interesting or I dont feel that emotional interest. Mind you Im not seeking MR. PERFECT or the hottest guy, Im not into tats or sporty guys or the six packs or the richest guy. I like nerdy lean dark, hair cute guys who are self-assured and kind, but more dominant in bed. THOSE are hard to find EXCEPT I will confess, that THAT guy was my ex from 2 years ago and Im over him BUT he was my dream guy and he just recently got a gf but likes all my stuff on fb still. Is he trying get back with me? ahhh, the agony of pondering all these things lol

Back to online dating, Im open. I love meeting men. Its great! but not great when I dont feel an emotional interest. I even have had a few lovers in past 2 years (im picky) but none has been as great as my ex. Or as delicious and fullfilling. Im over my ex BTW but why havent I met a guy so far that is WOW. Im very hopeful but I feel less these days. Its like same people, same faces, same thing. I want something new. I am a positive girl feeling less positive these days.

Your opinion is much appreciated. Thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016):

First, you're not over your ex. You wouldn't even have mentioned him in your post if you were. You've spent the past few years comparing everyone you meet to your ex. You're addicted to, and obsessed with the guy. Let him go. He's not as much as you've built him up to be; it's your mind playing tricks on you. Remember, you broke-up? How does liking your posts on Facebook add-up to wanting you back? The fact he's got a new GF should be the answer to that.

You've been on a mission to find your ex's clone. You've been holding-out and remaining faithful; while holding on to the false-hope your ex will comeback. So you've been dismissing all your options and prospects left and right.

Girlfriend, what's up with that? Stop being the widow in the tower, waiting for the lost sea captain to come home.

It's time to move on and appreciate someone new and different. How similar is your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend to you? Is she your twin? My hunch is she's not.

Continue to date, but please keep an open-mind. Appreciate every man for his personal character and qualities. Stop using an ex to set the standard. If he was the right guy,

you never would have broken-up; and he wouldn't need a new girlfriend.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 August 2016):

Honeypie agony auntTake a little break from "trying" to find the next BF for a little who, go out with friend, have fun, do thing you enjoy, spend time with family. Make some "short term to do lists" of thing you want to do and see which are near enough that you can get them "done" over the summer. Enrich YOURSELF.

And.. accept that the ex is NOT looking to back with you because he "likes" your FB posts. Maybe keeping him around as a "friend" is not really helping you totally moving on. You might SAY you are over him... but your post indicate otherwise. So maybe downgrade what access he has to your pictures and FB. Or simply send him a message wishing him well and then unfriend. It might help YOUR both.

Having met 300 people for coffee.. that is cool, but also not really helping you. Figure out WHAT you really want, what your standards are, what your boundaries are and WHO you are as a person. Finding a partner should come second.

Going for a "type" can limit your option. Sometimes you will find that a type (look-wise) is not as important as a "type" personality wise.

So, take a break. Enjoy life. You will meet someone when oyu least expect it.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 August 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntConsidering the history that you have revealed..... and you've included this: "...Im over my ex BTW..." I suspect that this last phrase really ISN'T so.....

Take the weekend and think about that a little more....

Good luck....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016):

So not over the ex from your post lol You are putting the ex on a pedestal and letting nostalgia and rose coloured glasses make it seem better than it was. It didn't work out so it can't have been so perfect. Each relationship is different one is not like the other, you won't meet another man exactly like your ex but why would you want to? You want something different, try something different

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2016):

Sorry, I’m not convinced that you are as over the ex as you claim. Perhaps you’ve accepted that there’s no way back in terms of resuming a relationship, but why have you kept him on your Facebook? Why are you asking if he wants you back? And the most important question is this: why are you comparing every guy to him? If you want to know why there’s no spark with any other men, you might start by re-reading this post and you will see how you are perceiving all of these men to fall short of the ideal of your ex. It makes me wonder how much time you’re really giving these men before deciding they’re not for you.

Maybe this is just a case of needing to persevere, but I’d sever all ties with this ex because I don’t think it is.

I wish you all the very best.

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