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B/f was depressed, wanted a break and now he wants me back

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years. he's been depressed recently and i don't know what is causing it and he says he doesn't either. Shortly afterwards we took a break so he could date the co worker he liked. they were together for two weeks but he called me almost every day just to see what i was doing and now he's still upset but it's worse because he thinks that he's ruined our relationship because now my family hates him and he wants our perfect image back and wants to take back the break and even mentioning the girl...i just need help figuring out what to do? how do i help him?

View related questions: a break, co-worker, depressed

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A female reader, giggle` United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2009):

Depression doesn't make you take a break to date your co-worker. Becareful he doesn't use his depression to excuse his behaviour. Having said that none of us our perfect and we all make mistakes. Ultimatly this is your decision not your familys although if he cares for you he will understand that your family will need time to forgive him for hurting you. You can't ask everyone to erase their opinions of his behaviour but you can ask them to support you and just be there for you. But you must remember that there is not an over night cure for depression, make sure he sees his doctor. Don't get cross with your family, they are protecting you and will need time. Make sure he doesn't see you as a doormat but also remember saying you will forgive someone is easy actually forgiving them is harder. If you choose to take him back you must be ready to completely forgive and support, good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

I think a good way to help him would to be his friend. Tell him you love him but at the moment its important for him to feel himself again. Go right back to meeting up for coffees and a film and enjoy each others company as if you are first dating again.

It will give you a chance to see if you can forget him dating his co-worker, I know if I were in your shoes I would find that difficult, but sometimes people deserve another chance and he may earn that chance, only you can decide that.

By starting from fresh your family may see he is sincere, ultimately they should accept him back if he makes you happy. He needs to prove to you he won't confuse you or mess you around any more.

I hope you find happiness, however is best for you.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2009):

You can't help him. If he's depressed, he must first address that problem. Otherwise he might come back and mess you around again. I think you need to take all this very slowly, and reall think about whether you want him back, since he really did treat you quite badly.

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