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She says she will leave him for me, but wont say when!

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Forbidden love, Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 September 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need some advice. I know that what I am about to say isn’t the best situation or the moral thing to get involved in, but it just happens. Now i fell in love and I don’t know what to do. There are so many parts to this story and I will try to keep in short.

First off, I’m in a relationship with a married woman, which unfortunately I fell in love with.

Her and I started off as friends. She had an affair with another man for about an year and half. So here is the back story of her and husband. She got married when she was 20 and they been married for 13 years. She wanted a family and thought this guy would make the perfect dad cause of the way he treated her and his sister kids. They got married and had a child. When she was pregnant things changed. He started treating her like crap. She found a play boy and he told her yea well I have to do something cause your boobs are too small for me. She said he was getting emotional abuses. She claims that she was going to leave but found out she was pregnant with their second child soon after the first. Things where bad but she knew she could live on her own with the two young kids. After a few year she decided to have the 3rd in hopes that it would fix everything. However according to her it did not. She had surgery a few years later and her husband never went to see her in the hospital. Instead a family friend spent a week with her. She claims that this guy filled the void of feeling loved and cared for that her husband stop giving her. So she thought this could be her time to leave. Well as she started see this man she came to realize that he was just as bad. He was controlling and always played games with her. She said it lasted so long cause he wasn’t the guy she wanted to be with either. However, one day they got caught having sex. She choose to stay with the husband. I forgot to mention prior to her having the affair he told her that he was going to find a girlfriend on craigslist to have sex with weather or not she likes it or not, he suggested that she find an boyfriend.

So she tried but found out that she didn’t love him anymore and he is a bad father to their kids.

All the stuff about what happen before is just her word… But the things I see I can believe.

I have seen her husband text her when she goes to work that the recent dick pic is to show her co-workers and send back pussy and boob shots of them to him. That is she needs to work later, then the girl that asked her needs to give him something in return. I’ve seen him tell her that if he cant buy stuff he wants then she needs to stop spending money on the kids. (She works cause they live above their means). Over the time as friends she is a very sweet caring kind girl and we started to like each other and one thing went to the next. They other end after she ended up to her if he can’t be with her then he is going to kill himself and his kids wont have a dad cause of her. Cause she wont leave her husband for him. I told her to cut off communications and she did when we were friends. He leaves her notes in her mailbox and stalks her pretty bad.

So anyways here we are, she is a loving woman that makes you feel like your lucky, she cuddles and does everything to please you. No complaints just do it. She told me she wants to leave her husband for me, but when I ask her when she says she doesn’t know… but she is going to. She comes over to my house at night and we have intense passionate sex. It seriously seems like we have an emotional bond. She even admits to it. She says that she has never felt this way that she has never been with someone that treated her equal. When at home she is always being yelled at for little things. Her parents told her to come stay with them, but she wouldn’t have a place to sleep only the kids do. The daughter told the mother that the dad is very mean when mommy is at work.

She tells me if it ever came down to me or him she would be pick, but I refuse to out her in that place. She always told me she is so in love with me that she wants to give me a child and marry me.

We fought a lot recently over her leaving. I told her I don’t understand how you can talk about our future and not leave. If you are so ready for it why don’t know. She says she is ready but she doesn’t know when the time is right. She says that I don’t understand…

She is right I’m not married and I don’t have kids, but If she wants to do this as she talks about our future every day, I want to feel like she is leaving. Recently, the other guy waited at the kids school for her to drop the kids off and followed to try to talk to her, she was on the phone with me… freaked out and said I call you back.. she called me back 15 mins later and said she called the cops, she was in tears. She told me she was going to call her dad, I waited 20 mins and called her back and she answered, we talked and then the police called her back, then I waited anther 20 mins and called her back and she answered and she told me her plans… I asked after she was done working to come see me at work… I tried to go to her but she said no she doesn’t know if her husband is going to get home from work. And it will be fine. That was after the she called me back the first time… the last time I spoke with her she told me she can’t’ see me cause she called her husband and he is on his way home to make sure she is safe. I asked when she called him… she said after my dad or before idk…

I’m stupid and feel in love with her. But I do love, and honestly she makes me believe she loves me.. Part of me doesn’t believe that she is going to leave. So this whole time while she is scared, I just wondering if she will indeed leave. I believe she cheated to get out of her marriage but her low self esteem stops her and she needs to feel comfortable.

Honestly, Is she going to leave? Have any of you been here? I want to give her the benefit but don’t know if I should.

View related questions: affair, at work, boobs, co-worker, emotionally abusive, fell in love, married woman, money, self esteem, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 September 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntShe will never leave him, she is throwing you the same lines that she threw the other man she was having an affair with. He also probably fell in love with her just like you. You are much better out off this situation and meeting some woman who can be yours. Keep carrying on like this and you will have deep trust issues.

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A male reader, Hot Cup of Tea Spain +, writes (10 September 2017):

Her poor Husband. He obviously loves this harlot of a woman and is doing his best to make her happy. The funny thing is if they did split up and you both got together you would soon be in the role of her now ex. Totally suspicious of her behavior whilst you try and save your relationship in the mean while she will have some other idiot on the side blaming you for all the problems in her life. Sadly problems in a relationship can not be put down to an 'abusive husband' just on the say so of a wife who is obviously ussing it as an excuse to get away with appalling behaviour (although as you can see from other replies some man haters will happily jump on any comment to blame the man).

For your own sanity and happiness you need to get away from this woman. Forget her words and look at her actions.

Let me ask you do you think you could trust her going forward?

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (9 September 2017):

She had a year and a half affair with another man while married. Now she is having an affair with you while married. She will be married after she is done with you and with the next guy. She is using you for sex nothing more.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (9 September 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntOh boy, has she strung you a line, and you've fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.

Yea Gods! You seem to be accepting her excuses for having affairs while married and seem to be excusing her part in that affair which only ended when she and the man concerned were caught in the act.

This lady is not going to leave her husband, and I guarantee if you manage to extricate yourself from this mess she will have a new man on the side replacing you before in two shakes of a dog's hind leg!

You should step back and see if that is enough to get her to make up her mind but I suspect you aren't strong enough to risk "losing" her, (not that I can see it would be much of a loss), so you will stay exactly where you are, just like her and her husband, the unfortunate children and any new man she might decide to involve herself with as well.

I do have a question for you though ... when she is at your place at night having intense passionate sex whose looking after the children? Where does her husband think she is?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 September 2017):

Reading this, all I could think was "I feel so sorry for those poor children". You lot are all adults and have a say in the situation. They were born to "fix" things. Really? And now she is offering YOU a child as well. Poor poor children.

I got confused reading your post because there seemed to be so many men involved. What is YOUR problem? Why are you stepping into the middle of this?

She CHOOSES to stay with her abusive husband. She CHOSE to have an affair with another abusive man. If it came to picking, I can almost guarantee you, she will stay with her husband. Why do you think you are not worth better?

If you still want to be with this woman, despite all the mess around her, then step away and see what happens. The fear of losing you may focus her mind and she may decide it is YOU she really wants. My own feeling is that she will simply replace you with someone else.

I ask again, do you not think you are worth better?

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