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I feel always destined to be different, to be alone, and on the periphery.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 September 2017) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 September 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Please can ask your thoughts on something aunts?

I'm a lady in my mid 30s, professionally accomplished and financially independent. At work I'm well respected and I get on well with most people.

In fact I get on well with lots of people outside work too but...what's the best way to describe this. I feel invisible.

My friends are all in long term relationships, married, with kids or in the process of thinking about a family. I am the friend though that they see for a couple of hours on a week night now and then but they tend to spend their weekends with their bother halves, friends who are couples, dinner parties etc. When their other halves are away on work trips then they are on the phone wanting company. Nobody ever worries about when I want company even if I reach out to people. Even my relatives are in relationships and only get in touch when they want something. They don't think of me by myself.

Of course the answer is to try and find single friends but it's so rare to find someone single. I've looked and tried joining clubs but it's just not successful. Few people seem to be in the same boat.

I have a group of guy friends ( it's nice to have friends of both sexes) who are great, even when they were single none of them ever looked twice at me.

It feels like there was a memo in life that I never got. I feel so different from them all and I just don't get it. Why do I feel so different and isolated.

I wouldn't say I'm a shy person, I'm smart, articulate and like a good conversation. I've plenty of interests which i persue and I'm used to holidaying alone. I don't let things hold me back.

I don't feel desperate to meet a man, although obviously I'd like to share life with someone at some point. And I can't have children (although most of my friends don't know this) so,I don't have a ticking biological clock.

I just feel always destined to be different, to be alone, and on the periphery.

Is this me? Do other people experience it?

View related questions: at work, shy

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 September 2017):

Have you tried actually being the one to reach out and ASK for company? Like picking up the phone to someone and saying "Heh, I fancy a night out with you. When are you free?" Or "Are you free for a chat?"

People in relationships can sometimes be oblivious to the needs of single friends. Sometimes this is just from sheer selfishness but often it is because the single friends do not make it plain that they NEED contact.

As someone in a relationship, I read your post and thought "Yeah, guilty". I work full time during the week so, although I live with my partner, we don't spend much quality time together during the week. Week-ends tend to be the time we reconnect and we always try to go out together one evening at the week-end. So yes, I do tend to reserve my week-ends for him. And yes, I do tend to catch up with other friends during the week. This entails rushing home from work, sorting out my horses, throwing on a change of clothing and rushing out again. This means I see next to nothing of my partner that day, which I then feel guilty about.

What are your passions? What makes you laugh or cry? What are your dreams? Could you take up singing or dancing or some sport? Could you volunteer to help those more vulnerable than you, like homeless people or rescued animals? Doing something like this will not only fill out your time but will enable you to meet more like-minded people and, hence, widen your circle of friends.

Sending HUGS.

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