A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A while back I booked a table at the supposedly best restaurant in the UK and it took me 3 months and a cancellation to get in. My b/f has known about it for weeks and how excited I am about it. Today he texts me to say that the mother of his child has given him access for the weekend that we are going. Now I know he dearly loves his child and he sees the child regularly so why couldn't he have just said no. I have not been nasty to him about it but I am cross. Would it be wrong to go with another man who keeps asking me out. Not because I like him but because I want the dinner experience?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGosh thank you all for your responses! I am paying for the meal and the child is 7 years old. Since posting my b/f has told me he will take the child another time as he didn't realise how much it meant to me. Good result.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 February 2010):
 Ask your BF what he thinks about you going to eat with another guy. though I think it's kinda unfair on the other guy. It's kinda like stringing him along, don't you think?
Why not take a good girlfriend and eat, drink & be merry.
Personally, I think your boyfriend shows some very decent character by jumping at the chance to spend time with his child. There are just too many deadbeat dads out there.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Take a girlfriend and enjoy yourself.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I agree with all the other answers - taking a man who keeps asking you out (who is therefore interested in you) would be
a) leading the other man on
b) unfair to your boyfriend as you would be acting out of spite
c) asking for trouble with your boyfriend
You will only be creating problems if you choose to go out with another man, so can you not find a family member or female friend to go with you? I understand you are still wanting to go for the meal, and that is perfectly fine. But to take another man is very wrong and would be unfair to your boyfriend. You would be in essence punishing him for seeing his child by going on a date with another man. That is quite childish behaviour, it is like you are trying to make him jealous because you are going on this fine dining experience with another man who is interested in you.
The proper thing to do, if you care about your boyfriend, is to explain to him that you have waited for 3 months to get this table hence you dont want to miss out on the chance of dining at this particular restuarant. Tell him you understand him wanting to spend time with his child, but ask if he wouldnt mind if you went with xxxx (whatever person you choose to go with you). By asking him rather than telling him you are going without him whether he likes it or not, will make him feel more involved and less likely to be annoyed by the situation.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Were you expecting your boyfriend to pay for the meal? And are you expecting that this other gentleman will pay for you?
I'd say you would be acting a bit petty if you go to this restaurant with a man who keeps asking you out: you'll be leading him on, and it looks spiteful to your boyfriend. Ask a family member or girlfriend, or more platonic male friend. Pay for yourself, so it doesn't look like a date if it is a male friend.
Is it possible for you to hire a babysitter for the few hours you'd be at the restaurant? That way, you can still both go?
I understand your irritation, but try to be gracious about this and recognize that 'the child' is the most important thing in your boyfriend's life and shouldn't be dismissed as a nuisance. You mustn't convey that to the child or to your boyfriend, right?
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I dont think its a good idea to bring a man who's been asking you out. Bring a friend with you instead. And whatever your boyfriend misses out on, his loss, but in all honest I think children come before restaurants. Either way that is up to him to decide and he made his choice, and it's not such a bad one. Doesn't mean you can't get to enjoy yourself, bring a friend that makes you laugh and have a great evening out. But don't bring a date, that would just come off as you trying to revenge something...
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female
reader, jc82 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I think you have a right to take whomever you want, and I think what your boyfriend did is rude and thoughtless. You're allowed to make demands and ask for time, and you should be able to rely on him occasionally despite the fact that he is a parent. Even people who come second still deserve not to be treated that way all the time.
But, sneakily taking someone else would be bad. Call your boyfriend and tell him you are taking someone else, if he is interested to know who it is, he will ask and then just tell him and reassure him there is no romantic link between you and this other guy. If you can't be honest with your boyfriend about taking this guy, then its probably a bad idea. You would just end up feeling really guilty, anyway. But, if you don't mind telling him, then take the other guy! Have a blast!!
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reader, james675 +, writes (3 February 2010):
I have to disagree with the other answers here. Naturally he would want to see his son but if it's nothing special like a school play that he's promised to go to I can't think of any reason why he couldn't reschedule for another week.
I don't think you should go with another man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I am thinking it is not the kind of restaurant to take children too? I think this is a tricky one because it is about split loyalty. When you take on a man with children this is the kind of problem that will raise itself time and time again. You sound like you want more fun and excitement. Perhaps this is highlighting where your differences may divide you and you need to decide what is right for you going forward. Do you want a man that prioritises his children EVERY time? My view is that, on the basis he sees his children regularly that he could have said no. Could someone babysit while you go out for a few hours? Is there a compromise so you can still both go? If not, then please do keep your appointment life is too short to cancel it. Take who you would like to - but not to make a point. If it truly is about the dining experience then I agree with the other posts - take your dearest girlfriend and enjoy it.
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female
reader, chick989 +, writes (3 February 2010):
just out of interest how old's the child?
x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I do think it's a bad idea to go with another man; I understand your point.
It's ok to think of what you want for once. But why the other man? And why are you still in contact with some guy who keeps asking you out?
He probably feels like crap but has to put his kids first. At the same time, that's not your fault.
Go out with a girlfriend. Honestly, I don't know why this option didn't occur to you before going with another man. Maybe you wanted to prove a point?
You don't want your memory of dinner at this fancy restaurant to have another man in it. Wait another 3 months but tell your boyfriend to schedule seeing his kid around it.
It's sort of unfair you have to wait longer but if you value this relationship you won't go with this other guy.
From your bf's perspective he is going to place his child first. Bottom line. You aren't his wife yet. And if you go with another man because he valued his child so much- maybe he won't want to be with that kind of woman.
Aren't you happy your bf is responsible with his kids?
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Avoid taking another male, as your partner might jump to conclusions and think you're having an affair or something.
I'd stick with taking a female friend, or a member of your family.
That way you still get the dinner experience, but you're not putting thoughts into your partner's head.
It seems a bit strange that he'd just cancel on you, so I'd talk to him about it and just ask why he did that when he knew you booked in advance and were looking forward to it.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 February 2010):
I think another man is a bad idea. You have a boyfriend and you don't want to lead a guy on. Bring a girlfriend or family member instead.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Take a female friend x
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reader, Beingblack +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Any reasonably good parent would put the world on hold for their children.
It is slightly out of order to be annoyed at your boyfriend for prioritising your excitement behind time with his child.
I take it the restaurant will still be there in another 3 months? I take it you could always get another reservation, if you really want to go with your boyfriend. It sounds like the most important thing in your life is getting a seat and being seen at the restaurant, no matter who you are with.
Personally, I would question whether you really love your boyfriend, especially as you are so keen to go out with another man, so that you don't lose your table. In effect, you are saying that a meal at a smart restaurant is way more important than your relationship.
Really?
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female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Where children are concerned....thems the breaks! Either ask your boyfriend to get a sitter or take your mum or a gal pal. If you go with another man it will cause all sorts of problems. Your boyfriend might think you went with another man out of spite because he was with his child. I can understand you feeling annoyed and probably very disappointed after waiting 3 months. You really should tell your bf how you feel and not pretend its ok if it isnt. Ask him to make it up to you.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 February 2010):
I know you're cross, but this is something you could let get really out of hand. The fact is he wants to see his child, and his child comes first. You would do better to take a female friend, because if you take another male and try to make a point, then you're risking your relationship.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Of course! Think of yourself for once and enjoy the dinner with a man who possibly puts you ahead of all else.
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female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Could you take a female friends instead?
That way you would avoid any issues later arising on your boyfriends behalf, ... that may or may not get thrown back in your face in time, ... and you would also avoid giving this other man a wrong impression.
Even if you say it is just a friendly dinner, he is still probably gunna hope there is a twinge of something more and that would be unfair to build him up just to let him down again.
A gal pal is the least messy option with the least potential for unpleasant repercussions all round.
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male
reader, Faraday +, writes (3 February 2010):
 So you want to use this man just for a dinner, then drop him, and cheat on your boyfriend too?
Seriously, what do YOU think?
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