A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have this friend and she was my best friend but I haven't spoken to her for 3 months now. We used to tell each other everything and were there for each other throughout our childhood and university until she had 2 nervous breakdowns in a year. She is so different now. She acts like she doesn't know me and I can tell she doesn't trust me. I moved 2 hours away into my boyfriends small unit a year ago and she called me up one afternoon 3 months ago, asking to come and stay for 2 weeks. I politely told her our unit is so small so it would be better if she just stayed for 1 week and she hasn't spoken to me since. I tried calling her many times and she just wont answer her phone. It is the second time she has done this. And the strange thing is, the last time this happened, she contacted me months later and spoke as if nothing had happened. Will this odd behaviour pass? I still want to be friends with her and I know she is unwell but I just can't have this happen again. Should I continue being her best friend or would it be healthier for me to move on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I guess it depends on whether you think you can put up with this from her. If she is not doing so great at the moment, then she may be feeling sensitive, and may react badly when she hears something she doesn't like. That may be why she disappears for so long. Do you think you could try talking to her about it? Maybe you could ask where she has been, as you haven't heard from her in a while, and see what she has to say.
If you don't think you can deal with this happening though, and there are no signs of her changing, then it might be better for both of you if you move on. Otherwise, you will end up getting stressed out, which won't be good on either one of you. It is a difficult decision to make. Perhaps you could limit the time and contact you have with her, and try and accept that this is how she is, and not expect any more from her? It is sad when things change between friends, so maybe you can still be a friend, but just accept that it is going to be different now than it was before.
But absolutely, if this becomes too difficult for you, then I think it is okay to move on. You need to think of yourself too. So do what you feel is best for the both of you. Good luck. x
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