A
female
age
30-35,
*xA-Little-BrokenxX
writes:My partner and I have been together 6 and a half years, since I was 16. We both live with my parents and over the course of our relationship we have done for 3-4 years.Roughly 2 years ago, my partner dumped me, for me it was completely out of the blue. He told me after a fun night out drinking with friends and I didn't see it coming, he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore, he left that night while I was asleep. I woke up hungover and immediately burst out crying when I found out he'd left.The break up lasted 5 days before he asked if we could give it another shot. And eventually after a year he decided he wanted to move back in.A week and a half ago, he sat me down and told me he's moving out. That he needs some time alone, his own bedroom, some space. He's still not moved out. Instead he sits in silence in the same room as me with his head stuck in his phone texting/messaging.A week ago he told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore. He's still not moved out.His behavior changed months ago when he made a new female friend. I have never been jealous. I have never had any reason to suspect he would do anything. But I'm sharing a bed with a complete stranger right now. So I did something I never thought I'd ever have to and read his face-book messages and text messages. He's over the course of three months, been flirting with 3 different women from his work place. I know people define cheating as kissing or sex or some sort of physical touching, but I think the contents of these messages seem more intimate than anything sexual. He's professing his love. Telling them he's going to kiss them next time he sees them. Saying they'll sneak somewhere quiet in work. I don't know if he's acted on this, I don't think it matters if he has, because the intent is their. He's telling them our relationship is ended before he's telling me. The biggest betrayal though was him sharing with these, (to me complete strangers) intimate details of MY sex life. I think that crossed a line that there's no coming back from.In my head I know it's over. My heart wants me to hang on in there. I guess I just need a bit of outside input here.On one hand I want him out of my bed, out of my house, out of my lifeOn the other hand, I just want to hold him and hear him say he's loves me one last time. Kinda sad that isn't it.I don't know how to tell him I that I know about the other girls, or if I even should I want to tell him that it's over for good this time, and at the same time I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that.I've spent more than my entire adult life with him and I don't know how to let go of thatI need help :(
View related questions:
flirt, jealous, kissing, live with my parents, move on, moved out, sex life, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 August 2016):
 Good for you!
Finding your "inner" strength to do hard things (like asking him to leave) helps you grow.
While you might feel a little euphoric, you might feel the loss of having him around in a few weeks/months - just remember how you FEEL now and that things DO happen for a reason, you two WEREN'T meant to be together. So DO NOT let him back in because you find yourself lonely. Or because he makes new "promises" (so he can have a place to stay).
You can love someone and STILL outgrow them. Best thing to do is let them go and when ready find someone more your own speed.
For now, don't worry about finding a new partner, just ENJOY life.
Good luck!~
A
female
reader, XxA-Little-BrokenxX +, writes (16 August 2016):
XxA-Little-BrokenxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say a massive thank you to everyone for your replies, they helped a lot.We broke up the same night that I posted this Wednesday, and he finally moved out last night (Monday) It's strange, I thought that I'd be crying more than I am. It's weird, because I think I'm relieved that it's over and I wasn't expecting to feel that way.I'm actually kind of really excited for the future I'm looking forward to finding out who I am on my own. My mum's a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, we'll see, but for now I'm just going go with the flow surround myself with my friends and just have fun.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 August 2016):
 I hope he has moved out now, but my gut feeling is that he is still sitting in your room, in your house, ignoring you with his headphones on.
What do your parents say, have you told them of his treatment, that he is cheating on you and sitting in your room, in their house, ignoring you and treating you like crap?
Ask for their help, get them both to come with you to your room while you tell him he has an hour to gather his stuff together and move it and himself out of their home. Let him know a skip has been ordered and anything belonging to him left in the house after an hour is going in the skip.
Make sure he returns any keys to their house that he may hold.
Too bad if he is due at work or anything else, he can call his employers and explain his girlfriend's parents are kicking him out.
You need to do this before you can even start to think about anything else, get rid of the parasite first, and then restart your life.
And while you may be hurting right now, believe me when I say you wont regret kicking him out down the track.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (10 August 2016):
 I'd just like to add that when I say that I've spent my entire adult life with someone that equals your entire life plus the time you have been in a relationship with him.
The problem isn't that you have spent so long with him, the problem is that you have spent no time with anyone else. And you need to. It has used up 6 years of your life to discover one kind of guy that you don't like to be with. You need to move a bit faster.
Finally 2 years ago he showed you what he was. you should have believed his actions much more than the words he used to get you to take him back.
I don't want you to think that i am blaming this on you. He has been horrible to you. You have done everything that could be done to make it work, but he still left. It Failed because he was looking somewhere else.
You have some great advice here. Take it and get him out of your life. And in a year when he comes crawling back again Tell him there is no room in your life for a serial cheater.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 August 2016):
Honey, STICK with the notion that you want him out of your life, your house, your heart and your head. IT makes sense. LETTING him take advantage of you... DOESN'T.
Tell him to get the F out of your house. Give him 24 hours. Change the lock. Make sure YOUR valuable are locked away.
If he doesn't get out, ask your DAD/MOM for help in kicking him out, and if need be.. the police.
IT IS NOT your responsibility to let him stay till he has a place. YOU do NOT owe him to let him stay. YOU do not OWE him to allow him to take advantage of you.
I don't know what the rules are in the UK, in America you might actually have to get a eviction notice to kick him out, but if HE doesn't know that... don't tell him.
Take those last years year as a LONG hard lesson. To find YOUR standards and then STICK to them. For someone to dump you, then a week later come back, and then a bit later again want to move back in... THAT wasn't him CARING for you. THAT was him feeling lonely and taking advantage of YOUR love for him. THAT is not the kind of guy you should want as a partner. I think you already know that.
YOU can and WILL do better NEXT time you find someone you want to date. Go SLOW - REAL slow next time.
But first... KICK him out. CUT all contact. Mourn the loss of the relationship, take some time to FIND YOU. Who you are now and where YOU want to go in life. Your hopes and dreams and ambitions. If you have always wanted to travel, then WORK hard to save up and go for it! Spend time with POSITIVE people, don't RUSH out to find his replacement. FIND you first.
BE glad you have seen him for who he is now, rather than after 2 kids and a mortgage...
YOU two have outgrown each other, but I think you CLING to him because he is familiar. Which isn't strange, you were together for 6 years.
YOU are ONLY 22 and have your WHOLE future ahead of you. The World is at your feet, Cape Diem. Seize the day.
You DO deserve better. You DO deserve to be treated better.
Chin up, once you get him OUT of your life - YOU can move on. You can do it!!
...............................
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (10 August 2016):
Oh my goodness, you poor lady - his behaviour is disgusting and you do not deserve it, and he does not deserve you or your bed!
Have you talked to your parents about this? Can you get support from them?
I am afraid I would tell him I know about his disgusting behaviour with these girls. I would write a letter stating very briefly that you know what he's been doing (you don't even have to state what you know- you never have to share that and leaves you with the power, as he can only guess) and that you will be telling your parents so he needs to leave the day he receives the letter. That you see him for what he is now, and that it's over and you are dumping him, and will have no further contact with him beyond this letter dumping him - you are concentrating on yourself, and that he's no part in your life now.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (10 August 2016):
I think you'll feel so much better in the long run if you take some control over this situation, so I'd suggest you go home before he gets back, pack his things up into bags and the minute he gets back tell him he's got to go. It's one thing falling out of love with someone, it's quite another to do this to you twice and be lining up other women before he's even had the decency to tell you it's over. So hold your head high, summon all your strength and calmly kick his ass out. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you'll come out the other side stronger and with a better idea of what you need from a partner. All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 August 2016):
 Don't waste even a MINUTE more time with this creature. Clearly, he hasn't grown up, yet..... so there's no future for you, with him.....
Chin up.... there are LOTS of guys your age who will be quite content to spend time with you.... and maybe, even, make a life together......
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (10 August 2016):
 I feel sorry that you find yourself in this situation. You are owed so much more. Don't bother discussing the other girls. Just deliver the coup de grace. Tell him he's had all the chances he is going to get from you. It's over for him for good. Best make it quick and final.
I can't really speak to his character but he appears to be shallow and a user.
Of course you are going to hurt. You have been wounded. But in my experience these things happen in order to make way for something better. And you will never have that new, better something unless 'he' is right out of the way.
Give yourself plenty of time to mend. Treat yourself. Look up old friends - perhaps travel. You existed before him and you can again.
There will be thousands of people reading this who are now in your corner. Stay strong.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 August 2016):
 I feel for you. I really do. This sort of thing is pure sh1t.
I do believe that the loneliest place in the world is not being alone but being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. As you are finding out, it is really horrible.
In your shoes, I wouldn't bother even bringing up the messages to the other women. Can you summon what last bit of strength you have and kick his arse out so that you can hold your head up with dignity? Yes, it will hurt, but you have lost him already. Take back control and I promise you, you will feel better for it (maybe not immediately but definitely in the long run).
You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (10 August 2016):
I think its time for you to get him out of your house.. now!
There are so many questions I want to ask. But while I understand the state you are in and I know its difficult, but if your relationship has ended why is he even sharing the same bed. He needs to be out of your house first so that, you can think for yourself.
It's not selfish and don't listen to him with excuses like he doesnt have a place to move out. That's his lookout. Any self respecting man wouldn't be tagging along after a break up. Especially if it's your parent's house!
...............................
|
