My ex treats me like a friend with benefits
Q. When you and your guy break up after years of being in a relationship. Why would the ex boyfriend say he wants to be friends, yet when HE wants sex then he’s all over me trying to get some and that’s ok to happen. But other times when he’s over my ...
A. 11 February 2021: Why is he doing this? Because YOU are allowing it. Simple as that. Despite the split, you are desperate to hold onto him, at any cost. If you can't love yourself enough to understand you deserve better than this, then he will carry on using you for ... (read in full...)
MMF Threesome
Q. We are married 20 years. My wife was very sexual before we dated and after, she is a high sex person and very good at it. She shared with me that she wants to try a MMF Threesome. She knows I'm straight as an arrow. The other guy would most likely ...
A. 7 February 2021: Fantasy is one thing but, once you step over that line and enter reality, things change - because you no longer have any control over what happens. In your fantasies you can envisage anything you want and keep complete control. Once you start ... (read in full...)
How long do I wait? Stuck in a LDR
Q. Hi I’m in a long distance relationship for a few years now. I’m older and settled in career but he is not. He stilll trying to find his feet. When we talk about marriage, every time he says not now, firstly not ready, then he wants thing in l...
A. 7 February 2021: You already know deep down that you need to let this one go, otherwise you would not have written in. You are just thinking aloud and processing your decision. You admit to having a "gut feeling" that there will always be hurdles going forward. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep her in my life as a friend?
Q. Around 7 months ago I began sending texts to a girl I had matched with on Tinder. We hit it off really well, and ended up texting each other multiple times a day and video chatting at least once a week. We made plans to see each other in person once ...
A. 7 February 2021: A couple of things puzzle me about your post. Firstly, where you say you "HAVE to move out of the country" and this is going to be "permanent". The second is where you say this girl "doesn't have a visa". It's almost like you have both given up ... (read in full...)
My online girlfriend always wanted to fight with me
Q. Hi This may be a long one, but I will try to keep it simple. Basically I met a girl (online because of the pandemic) and we have been chatting, everything was going fine at first until recently when she wants to fight with me every 2-3 days. ...
A. 6 February 2021: What was it that kept you with this girl? The few good days between the bad? You hadn't even met yet already she was causing you lots of grief. Sweetheart, you deserve better. She sounds very manipulative and a user.
The problem is, I wouldn't... (read in full...)
My husband's small penis doesn't satisfy me
Q. I have been married for 7 years and 2mths. I love my husband, but as of lately, the size of his penis bothers me. In fact, for quite sometime I wished he had a larger penis. He has been the only man I have ever had sex with, he makes me orgasm ...
A. 6 February 2021: Sorry but your post makes no sense whatsoever. In one breath you state "he makes me orgasm several time during sex" and "Sometimes he tries so hard to please me sexually", yet you go on to state "I literally feel nothing pleasurable" and "He rarely ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to rekindle a relationship with an ex?
Q. Does anyone have any advice on winning back an ex boyfriend? I truly loved him and we both had minor bumps throughout the relationship but ultimately parted ways. At first he seemed hesitant about the possibility of it working in the future but then ...
A. 6 February 2021: Unless there have been major changes in your life, his life or both your lives, and the reason you split up would no longer be an issue, then it is totally pointless to rerun the same movie, with the same content, yet expect a different ending. You ... (read in full...)
Dating a good guy but I have trust issues
Q. I have really bad trust issues and don't know how to get over them. I met my partner just over two years ago he's in his 40s,supportive, caring, works hard, there is a 18 years age gap between us am younger so tbh great at helping sort problems...
A. 5 February 2021: If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you. I suspect a major part of your problem is that you don't believe you are worthy of what you currently have. Your ex's behaviour towards you probably ruined your self esteem ... (read in full...)
My LDR husband is asking for $4000
Q. Hi and thanks I wrote here before about my husband. I received alot of good advice. So we have been married for 4 years. We don't live together yet. He doesn't live where I do, so I was working on his visa. We have spent alot of time tog...
A. 3 February 2021: It is pointless telling you this man sees you as a meal ticket until you are ready to see it. It seems, from this latest post, that you might finally be slowly opening your eyes and acknowledging he is in this for the money.
You are quite ri... (read in full...)
Is it time to let these friendships go?
Q. Ok, so I'm reevaluating my life. I have a few friends that I've known since middle school. I left and went away for college and me and them stayed friends. My question: is it time to let the friendships go? One friend gave a guy that I liked, th...
A. 2 February 2021: I personally believe evaluating our lives and what/who we have in them should be a constant on-going exercise. Anything which does not add value to our lives should be carefully reviewed and, if it is unlikely to improve at some point, it should be ... (read in full...)
My ex blew me off, but he won't stop contacting me
Q. My ex and met on Face book 10 years ago and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We ...
A. 2 February 2021: You are as much to blame for this ongoing circus as is your ex because you enable him. Would you read the same book over and over and expect a different ending? Would you watch the same film over and over and expect things to turn out differently to ... (read in full...)
I cried during a film and he handed me a box of Kleenex
Q. Hi. Would this bother you? My boyfriend and I were watching a movie a few days ago. I cried during one scene as it reflected a situation I had gone through in my real life. All my boyfriend did was hand me a box of kleenex. He didn't say anything, ...
A. 31 January 2021: Many men are not good at dealing with crying women. I know this from watching my male work colleagues trying to deal with the occasional crying female. They would rather walk over hot coals barefoot than face that on a one-to-one basis!
Your ... (read in full...)
My 14 year old son's friend is gay. Is it ok to allow them to sleep in the same room?
Q. My son, Justin, and his friend, Chris, are 14 years old. Chris has let his parents, Justin, my husband and myself that he is gay (I don't know if anyone else knows). Justin doesn't care about Chris being gay, as long as they can continue being f...
A. 31 January 2021: What are your main concerns? I ask as I can "sort of" get where you are coming from in wondering about this, but you are not me, so may have very different worries.
I suspect your main worry may be that the boys will start experimenting together... (read in full...)
Any advice for dealing with an unpleasant coworker?
Q. There is a person who I work with ,who is a very funny comical witty character but hes can be very unpleasant. all staff say the same that it's just the way he is ,dont take it personally ,that it's just his humour and that hes like that with ...
A. 30 January 2021: Sounds like this guy thrives on the attention he gets when he is outrageous. Reminds me of a number of "comedians" a few years ago who believed shock value equated to comedy. People laughed because they were shocked and uncomfortable. There was ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell a girl that I like her
Q. hello im divine from nigeria i dont know how to tell a girl i like her im a very shy person. can someone help me out all my friends have girl friends but i dont im piesed off. help! ...
A. 30 January 2021: You don't need to outright tell someone you like them. You can be a lot more subtle than that but still get your point across.
Smile. A smile always makes you look nicer, friendlier and more approachable.
Aim to make friends with girls. Don'... (read in full...)
How to attend job interview without boss knowing
Q. Hi friends. I have posted here before and I find users here very kind and honest with answers. I want to ask advise about going for job interview. My company has very strict policy. I must apply for leave 4 weeks in advance. Office hours no...
A. 23 January 2021: I have to ask, why can't you attend interview early morning or late evening? That is how most people get around this sort of situation. Most potential employers will be flexible with timing an interview if you explain you do not want your current ... (read in full...)
Ex got upset and called me insensitive. Do I owe him more?
Q. My ex had been dealing with a lot after our breakup and after a week of not talking he reached out asking to get dinner because he needed some company after a tough week (death of his family member). I said I couldn’t but that I’m sorry he’s dealing ...
A. 23 January 2021: He's the one who is being a jerk, not you. You are moving on with your life. He dumped you so what did he expect?
No, you don't owe it to him to be a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs it. You have your own life to lead. While it is very sad... (read in full...)
Do his comments suggest he’s not into me
Q. So the guy I like constantly makes comments to me about not liking breasts. He says that he doesn’t like big breasts and ‘more than a handful is a waste’. This is clearly targeted at me because I have really big breasts, is this simply his way of t...
A. 23 January 2021: What is it you like about this guy? I'm a little surprised that a woman in her 30s is wasting her time on an idiot who only views women's worth in terms of the size of their breasts.
If you are that bothered about him, asking him point blank if... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a very unsupportive partner?
Q. Hello Cupiders, How do I deal with a very unsupportive partner? I have always aimed for the best for both of us, fitness, finance, mental and emotional health. Lately I have noticed my long term partner has never supported me in my decisi...
A. 22 January 2021: The line which screams out at me from your post is when you say your partner has "never supported me in my decisions". Do you consult and discuss things with her before making your decisions? Do you allow her to make some of the decisions? How ... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about him but he has a baby on the way and I think our friendship is over
Q. There's this guy I used to see ages ago and it just didn't work out romantically but we decided to he friend. However, he's got with a new girl and I've found myself being pushed away and he says he can't talk to me anymore because there's mistrust ...
A. 19 January 2021: I suspect you settled for a friendship with this guy because you hoped, at some point, you two would have a romantic relationship again. He is not free to give you what you want. Even when he was free, he chose not to give you what you want.
... (read in full...)
How do I respond without putting him off? I'm not sure if he just wants a casual relationship
Q. I met a guy at work around a year ago for a few weeks - we saw each other around a few times. Nothing more too it. He added me on Facebook the other week and we have really hit it off , chatting non stop, very interested in my life etc ,obviou...
A. 18 January 2021: Instead of worrying about putting him off, why not put your needs and wants first and think instead of (1) whether you want to get involved with a guy who is already tentatively laying the groundwork for a casual no-strings relationship and (2) ... (read in full...)
Wife keeps talking to ex-bf even though she knows it upsets me
Q. A few years ago my wife reconnected with an old boyfriend via Facebook. She did not tell me about it, but I found out indirectly. He is married with two kids and he wanted to meet her for dinner while he was on a business trip to LA without ...
A. 16 January 2021: While I can fully understand your desire to lash out, why would you want to hurt someone else who has nothing to do with what is going on? It's not this guy's wife's fault he is making overtures to an ex girlfriend who is telling him she is single. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep their affair a secret?
Q. My ex-wife had an affair with one of our best friends. It was very physical, and they exchanged a lot of sex talk and intimate photographs of each other which i still have. When i discovered the affair i copied as much as i could as it went alo...
A. 14 January 2021: I can completely understand why you hurt and your desire to tell the other wife. However, before you go ahead and do this, ask yourself does the other wife deserve to be hurt? Her hurt will not help to heal yours. You and she are the two innocent ... (read in full...)
Male compliments female co-worker. Does he feel he can trust her not to take it out of context?
Q. Okay, speaking hypothetically here. You have a male and female who are coworkers. They are friendly but not friends. They don’t hang out outside of work, but they are the ones who turn to each other with work problems and sometimes personal issues. ...
A. 13 January 2021: Wow! Your overthinking has made me feel tired just reading your post. It must be exhausting being inside your head.
Take a compliment gracefully. Thank the compliment giver and move on. It's just a compliment. ... (read in full...)
My wife has never had an orgasm with me
Q. I am 55 y.o. And my wife is 53. We’ve been married for 12 years. She never has had orgasm via intercourse with me (only via oral sex), but she had more than 30 sex partners before we knew and she had orgasms with many of them including a squirt w...
A. 13 January 2021: Good sex starts with good communication, and that takes two people. Everyone is different in what works for them when it comes to sexual satisfaction. If she is comfortable enough to talk to you about what she did with previous partners, then she ... (read in full...)
Trouble with a friend who borrows money and won't pay it back
Q. Hello So, my friend seems to have money issues. I don't mind helping out sometimes but recently I found out after I borrowed 200.00 a mutual friend also gave 200.00 so I sort of expected mine back. However, she said shes broke and needs it. A...
A. 10 January 2021: Any advice? Yes, stop lending her money. Simple.
Let her bleat. Let her moan. Nod, agree, sympathize, but don't put your hand in your pocket. I assume you have to work for your money? You know it doesn't grow on trees. Your friend, on the othe... (read in full...)
He proposed I said yes but I don't want to marry him!
Q. My boyfriend of a year proposed. I said yes because his family was right there. I don’t want to marry him and I’m freaking out because I’m not married. He’s just not what I want....I don’t know what to do . He’s also still married to his first wif...
A. 10 January 2021: Why are you telling him you will not get engaged until his divorce is finalised when you don't intend marrying him at all? If you have your eye on someone else, do the decent thing and let your fiance go so he can find someone who wants to marry ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has stayed friends with all of his exs on social media
Q. I'm looking for advice and trying to figure out if I'm being paranoid or not haha. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, live together, have a dog and want a family. We are in love and happy most of the time... Except when it comes ...
A. 10 January 2021: You admit " I know he loves me and its more about insecurity then trust" so have you considered working on your insecurity? Your boyfriend's exes are in his past; you are his present and, hopefully, his future. If you are not certain of him, then ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to share me with a friend
Q. my husband wants to share me (wife) with a male friend but when he ask me how far my friend can go I shyly tell him "touch my leg" then a little more advanced " rub my thighs" of which he says " you really don't want him to go that far do you?" ...
A. 8 January 2021: Sounds like your husband enjoys the fantasy of sharing you with another man but not the possible reality. The big difference between the two is that you can control everything which goes on in the first but have no control whatsoever over what ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me again or am I paranoid?
Q. I've been with boyfriend since 2013. We are now both in our 30s. We moved in together pretty quickly. I found out a year into the relationship that he had been lying to and had been chatting to girls online. I told him I was leaving to start my life ...
A. 8 January 2021: But you HAVE found proof time and time again that your boyfriend is messing about, and yet you have chosen to forgive him and stay with him.
He can't hold down a job. He is a grown man being financially supported by others. He messages other pe... (read in full...)
How can he go from being gay to having a relationship with a younger woman?
Q. Okay can someone please help my confusion here please? I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years just friends as I'm married with kids and he is or I thought was gay. However a year ago this girl entered his life younger, pretty...
A. 8 January 2021: I understand you are close friends but, with all due respect, his choice of partner is really none of your business, nor is his sexual orientation. Questioning either of these is, in my view, overstepping the boundaries of friendship. If he was your ... (read in full...)
Would it be disrespectful to my dads new wife if I had a photo of my Mother and Father together in a photo frame on display in my house?
Q. Hi Dear cupid. The question I would like to ask is: Would it be disrespectful to my dads new wife if I had a photo of my Mother and Father together in a photo frame on display in my house? (when I move) My mother sadly passed away two year...
A. 5 January 2021: Sorry for your loss. A mere two years down the line, you must still be grieving your mum's passing and missing her terribly.
I have to ask, what is this really about? Do you simply want a photo of your mum and dad in your home but are worried ... (read in full...)
I just want love but all I get is criticism. Nothing is ever good enough for my husband.
Q. Hi, I am a nearly 32 year old married female, no children. My husband constantly pulls me down. I am a sensitive person but his constant abuse is tiring me. He’s very OCD about our home. I run a business and he also works very hard at his job ...
A. 4 January 2021: Please believe me: this is not about you, it is about HIM. For whatever reason, he is an unhappy man and you are the person he takes this out on. That does not, in any way, excuse what he is doing to you because he sounds like an out and out bully. ... (read in full...)
I want my cake and to eat it too and I know I can't
Q. Hi, I am a 33 year old married female. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and together for 9 years. We have two children. My husband is a decent father although with room for improvement. He is a a good guy with wonderful qualities, ...
A. 4 January 2021: I know you think you are in love with this new guy but, truly, you are in LUST. I am not playing that down as I know that lust can be a VERY powerful emotion. It can temporarily override common sense and other usually highly-held values. You are a ... (read in full...)
I would do anything for my husband but I know he won't for me
Q. My husband is an alcoholic. Idk why it wasnt so obvious before except that I recently quit drinking and I guess his drunkenness is more noticeable. He is active duty. He somehow excels at work and no one knows he is a raging alcoholic. He c...
A. 2 January 2021: You cannot control your husband's behaviour. He is not a child who is in need of guidance or control. He is an adult, supposedly of "sound mind", who has the ability to choose how he behaves. He chooses to behave very badly. For this he has no ... (read in full...)
Is the relationship worth it or should I end it?
Q. Here is the short version for those who don't want too much background: In a relationship for 10 years. Relationship is good 95% of the time but any time conflict arises and my girlfriend gets mad she breaks up, says she doesn't want to be with ...
A. 1 January 2021: It's not "conflict resolution" though, is it? She doesn't resolve anything. It's conflict avoidance. She cannot have an argument without spitting out her dummy and running away. That's very immature for a woman of her age and does not set a good ... (read in full...)
Should I keep fighting for us and the man I love or simply let go of him?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years back in July, as for the last 2 years I felt extremely neglected. He had all the time in the world for everyone else apart from me, he put everyone’s needs and emotions first before mine. I tired to ...
A. 1 January 2021: Why would you fight for a relationship which contributed towards damaging your mental health? Why would you fight for a man who only sees things on his terms, a man who twists things to suit his narrative? Why would you fight for a man who had time ... (read in full...)
Do I reach out to my ex when I know he's having a hard time?
Q. I recently discovered that my childhood sweetheart is having a pretty hard time due to losing his job and his relationship breaking down due to all the pressure of the pandemic. Now I’m happily engaged to be married next year, but I am worried...
A. 30 December 2020: How about you ask your fiance what he thinks? Perhaps, if both of you are compassionate people, you could contact him as a pair? If you can't tell your fiance about this, then that gives you your answer. ... (read in full...)
I don't like the choices my girlfriend made in the past getting involved with someone who was involved with someone else
Q. Hi, Need advice Bit of a tricky one. Been with my girlfriend for seven months Everything is going well. A couple of months ago my girlfriend told me about a past fling/relationship she had with her cousins brother in law she met at a fami...
A. 30 December 2020: You have omitted some very important information, namely how your girlfriend feels about the affair. Is she contrite and saying she would never do that again? Is she brushing it off as meaningless? Is she sorry for the hurt she could have caused? Is ... (read in full...)
I’m trapped in a love affair!
Q. What to do if you are trapped in a relationship 3 Well I meat a guy online on a dating side went on a date etc Hit it off pretty well I asked him about his past relationship to make sure that he is really single, and how long he has been single ...
A. 29 December 2020: Do I think you stand a chance? Absolutely 100% not. I say that with total conviction and for one reason: you will never be able to trust him. I say that for one reason also: he has already proved to you beyond any doubt that he is not trustworthy. ... (read in full...)
How do you process the death of a parent.
Q. In 2017, I lost my father to cancer. We fought a lot, he was really over protective even when I was an adult. I can’t look at his photo. A pain shoots through my chest. I tried anti depressants to see it will help it has not. I tried therapy it...
A. 27 December 2020: I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone processed loss and grief in their own way and there is no "one size fits all" where these feelings are concerned.
Something I read once which resonated with me, and with which many people seem to agree, i... (read in full...)
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