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My husband wants to share me with a friend

Tagged as: Friends, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 January 2021) 8 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2021)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

my husband wants to share me (wife) with a male friend but when he ask me how far my friend can go I shyly tell him "touch my leg" then a little more advanced " rub my thighs" of which he says " you really don't want him to go that far do you?" I'm a little scared but if go so far I don't know if I can stop my friend. what do I do and how far

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (14 January 2021):

Dionee' agony auntHonestly, I think that the two of you are asking for trouble. I get it, everyone has a fantasy. Often, that's what they should remain being; just fantasies. Ultimately, this could ruin your marriage. It's up to the two of you to decide whether or not your marriage is worth risking over a fantasy, or not. It's your marriage, and your choice. I definitely would not risk it if I were you. I would not and I think that the two of you should not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2021):

A woman of 20 would know what to do about this. She would say no way, forget it and mean it. She would not need to have a long think about it or ask for advice.

Many would then dump their husband because he clearly does not love you or care about you if he thinks it's normal and safe to treat you this way. Sadly some men like this deliberately marry subservient, naive women, they make ideal wives for such men.

If he asked you to jump off a cliff would you, would you consider it or ask for advice, or would you say no?

Both of them are equally stupid and dangerous.

How come you cannot see that?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2021):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSounds like your husband enjoys the fantasy of sharing you with another man but not the possible reality. The big difference between the two is that you can control everything which goes on in the first but have no control whatsoever over what happens in the second.

Have you considered roll playing (with your husband maybe pretending to be someone else)? This would be a lot safer than allowing your husband to pimp you out and then for you to get the blame when things get out of control.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2021):

Default emotions can be evoked that you can't control. Where there are are unresolved issues that you may be unable to control or detached from. How do you stop emotions you've unleashed, or jealous- anger sparked from your husband after having second-thoughts about a threesome?

There is also the problem you have where you're not fully aware of your husband's real sexual-orientation. Invitation of another man into your love-life could open a Pandora's Box. There's an over-indulgence of porn or a breakdown that you and your husband may need to address.

He may too want to satisfy a suppressed-attraction to other men.

I don't think it's a good idea to give your husband permission to pimp you out to other men. Once you cross that line, there's a whole new group of problems and issues within your marriage you may never be able to resolve.

Not good...not good at all!!!

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (7 January 2021):

kenny agony auntNo good will come of bringing a third party in to your sexual relationship, it will be the cause of nothing but problems.

You start by saying that your husband wants to share you with his male friend. His reply to you when you say that this other person can touch your leg, or your thigh is the answer of a man that does not want to go through with this at all.

Come on, he is apprehensive, your scared. Best to nip this in the bud now before things get out of hand.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2021):

Don't trifle with your marriage. In these days and times of anything-goes; people shed all their values, inhibitions, and filters just for a "feel-good" moment. They over-indulge in porn, get a head full of wild ideas; and start to pursue fetishes and other kinky behavior. When they really need to deal with what's missing in their love-life and marriage besides another person.

This is often a sign your marriage is breaking-down. His mind is too preoccupied with pornographic fantasies and weirdness. When you start exposing your marriage to outsiders; that's when all sorts of drama begins. He'll get jealous, he'll start judging you negatively; or he might even decide he wants to experiment with men himself. You just might be opening a Pandora's Box.

My advice...don't go there! From the vague answers you gave him; you're up for it. The devil is standing just on the other side of that door, tempting you to come-in. He's the man who will destroy your marriage, or bring many sorrows, darkness, and regret into your life.

Let me put it this way. If you and your husband have a dull and/or unhappy marriage; maybe it is void of passion and affection. Then it's in-trouble, and you're looking for easy fixes. That might include cheating, or threesomes. Maybe you ought to direct those energies towards discovering what it is your marriage lacks, besides having some other guy in the middle.

Kinks are fine as long as their strictly between you and your partner. When you put someone else in the middle; that's where the devil gets involved, and all the trouble starts. You'll meet someone more interesting and appealing than your husband; or you'll get exposed to STD's messing around with people way too eager to hop into bed with Lottie, Dottie, or anybody. If you include close acquaintances, can you deal with the gossip that gets out?

When such dark temptations hover over your marriage, there's something seriously wrong. I don't recommend letting your husband pimp you out to other men.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (7 January 2021):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThis is a case where you speak clearly and honestly. I'd be happy to shake his hand and bring him a beer. I'm not interested in being sexual (touchy, naked, whatever your REAL line is) with him.

Now if you want to fantasize then you clearly say I'm fantasizing with you, I will say I want him, but I really do not want him any you will not set up an opportunity for that to happen.

What do you do? You get consent from everyone. You be honest. You do what you are comfortable with. You say NO when you need to. And you Supply AFTERCARE as much as needed.

If you don't know what aftercare is then you need to look it up and discuss it with you husband.

In general this is a bad idea. If you want to play the field, if your husband wants to date women who are dating other men, then you should divorce first.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 January 2021):

Honeypie agony auntI think you are playing with fire here.

Your husband REALLY don't WANT you to do this. He might like the fantasy of it but make no mistake, this is not something he want.

And if you "can stop your friend" then he isn't a friend he is a predator.

You are in your 50's, ACT like it.

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