How do you process the death of a parent.
Q. In 2017, I lost my father to cancer. We fought a lot, he was really over protective even when I was an adult. I can’t look at his photo. A pain shoots through my chest. I tried anti depressants to see it will help it has not. I tried therapy it...
A. 27 December 2020: I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone processed loss and grief in their own way and there is no "one size fits all" where these feelings are concerned.
Something I read once which resonated with me, and with which many people seem to agree, i... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend need to talk to this older guy?
Q. My girlfriend talks to this older guy. She is 24 and he is late 40s. When I found out, she said I don’t need to know what i don’t need to worry about - she is very loyal to me. I did not like the fact she spoke to him daily. I became increasingly ...
A. 26 December 2020: Despite your best efforts, your girlfriend seems determined to keep up very regular contact with this guy. I have to ask, is this how you want to carry on living your life?
While I don't condone snooping on her and contacting this guy's wife, no... (read in full...)
Should I feel like a slut?
Q. Should I feel like a slut?? Ok backstory, I (16/F) I met this guy (16/M) that was attractive and I wanted to get to know him. For a good week we would see each other every day and play basketball and exchange glances. At one point it was night and...
A. 25 December 2020: The fact that you did not have the confidence to MEAN "no" when you SAID "no" makes me worry for your welfare. You should never do anything which makes you feel uncomfortable.
The fact you are giving blow jobs to lads when you are just 16 also mak... (read in full...)
How to rebuild our friendship? She misunderstood concern for being pesky
Q. Hello I am writing to get your help to resurrect my friendship with a work colleague who works for me. Basically we got to know each other since she had some problems at work and I helped her resolve it. She also had some issues with her present...
A. 25 December 2020: While I believe what you say about meaning well, just from reading your post, you are in danger of coming across as a stalker. In fact, if you keep bringing up this subject and insisting this work colleague gets back on friendly terms with you, you ... (read in full...)
Need help approaching a potentially suicidal friend.
Q. I have this "friend" who I met at work when I was 17, he developed feelings for me whilst working together and I flirted with him a little but he never did anything about it. I have recently been talking to a friend who knows him quite well and he ...
A. 24 December 2020: As you are asking this question of a group of strangers, I am assuming you have no qualifications to help your friend, who sounds like he needs professional help. While it is really commendable that you have a good heart and don't want to see him ... (read in full...)
I think I outted myself for no reason and now unsure of what to do
Q. Told my bf of 6 years and my sister that I am bisexual while drunk and now I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. My sister's reaction was just is that it ? Because I said I have something to say. My bf reacted by saying I could sleep with women ...
A. 24 December 2020: There's a school of thought that any one of us is capable of being attracted to either sex, that none of us are completely heterosexual or homosexual. According to this theory, while we may be primarily attracted to one gender or the other, if the ... (read in full...)
My ex got married is pregnant and is now back in my life
Q. My ex gf of 9 years, broke up with me recently. She jumped into a relationship right away and did not take the time to get over our relationship and properly move on. We had a good relationship, but it was not really moving anywhere, so she felt ...
A. 24 December 2020: Really? You are believing that she was "looking for you in another person"? That has to be the lamest excuse/reason I have ever heard. Sweetheart, I know you are hurting and want your girlfriend back but, seriously?
Sounds like this woman ne... (read in full...)
My always broke boyfriend asked for money and when I offered him some he said it wasn't nearly enough
Q. Hello So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and hes always broke. Always some scenario happening. I have grown tired of it. His most recent request is hes broke can I help him. I offered 80.00 and he declined. He said it's not enoug...
A. 24 December 2020: Sweetheart, he is a scammer. This is typical scammer behaviour. You are not his "girlfriend", you are his cash cow. Probably one of many. I predict he will now go sulky/silent on you so that you feel guilt-tripped into sending him money.
Stop ... (read in full...)
I know it wouldn't work but I can't seem to move on
Q. I broke up with my ex around 5 months ago which I know deep down was for the best. Although we had a lot of ups in the relationship we were like best friends, we made some amazing memories in a year and I did and I believe I still do love him but he ...
A. 22 December 2020: Oh sweetheart. Sending you hugs. This is so sad but also so "normal".
He was your first boyfriend. He will always have a special place in your heart. I was with my first boyfriend more years ago than you have been alive but he still occasion... (read in full...)
Is it ok for her to act like this when she has a partner?
Q. My partner and I are both 40. We’ve been together for about 5 months. She’s a fairly recent divorcee who I was friends with for 10 years before we got together. I adore her, but she flirts with other men and it does my head in. She was abused...
A. 22 December 2020: You knew her for 10 years before you started dating. Unless she changed overnight when you started dating, you knew what she was like. You can't expect her to change her personality completely for you. You knew what you were getting.
If her beha... (read in full...)
I'm not interested in having my husband's baby. He won't accept no as an answer
Q. Hello all happy holidays I just got engaged and now my husband to be is talking babies already.I did mention I don't have the desire of becoming pregnant again even for him.Im feeling like he is not trying to hear anything I say he wants to adopt ...
A. 22 December 2020: As you are obviously religious, would it not be a better idea to discuss this issue with your pastoral leader rather than asking a bunch of anonymous strangers on a forum? Sorry if that sounds brutal but this is a MAJOR issue, something which could ... (read in full...)
How can I help my boyfriend get past the guilt of leaving his wife for me?
Q. My boyfriend left his wife for me. It was a 30 year marriage. His children are grown and have families of their own. He is happy with his decision but can't help feeling guilty for what he's done to his wife, kids and grandkids. He was not happy in ...
A. 20 December 2020: I believe we can do anything in life but, for everything we do, there is a "price" to pay. You are quickly discovering the price for having an affair with a married man who subsequently leaves his wife for you.
Of course he feels guilty. He hurt ... (read in full...)
In this relationship, is talking - and maybe flirting - with other men cheating?
Q. have an ethical dilema......is it cheating if I am in a relationship that is more like a friendship( he sleeps in one room, I sleep in the other, he has no intention to marry me because I won't give him kids, I cook for him and take care of him ...
A. 20 December 2020: What you have described is a room-mate arrangement, not a relationship. If you have sex occasionally, it is akin to a "friends with benefits" arrangement. If you don't, then it is definitely the former.
Guessing here but I suspect he is (1) youn... (read in full...)
Is anyone ever too busy really if they are interested in more than friends?
Q. Hi! So basically I'm very interested in a girl, we seem to match well, we have fun when we meet, but I feel it's not really progressing. Whenever I talk to her, she is very warm, thoughtful, asking lots of questions, suggesting things we ...
A. 20 December 2020: Nobody is so busy that they cannot make time to reply to someone for nearly a week. People choose to make time for who or what they want.
Based on the rest of your post, I would question whether these intermittent silences are her way of keeping ... (read in full...)
I can't be the only reason someone lives or dies
Q. I am in a fairly new relationship however me and this guy have been great friends for the past 2 years so it feels like we have been together for a lot longer than 4 months. Recently he has become really clingy and shown some things I think are ...
A. 20 December 2020: Whenever I read a post which waves red flags equating to clear reasons why someone should get out of a relationship immediately, but the post ends with "I love him", I know I am on a hiding to nothing. Regardless of what anyone tells you, you are ... (read in full...)
I don't think our relationship is going to last since he doesn't even want to try
Q. Myself and my partner have been together for just over 7 years. We have an 18 month old son. This year has really tested our relationship, well I’d say we started having arguments and stuff since having our son. The sleep deprivation was and stil...
A. 20 December 2020: There seem to be a number of things going on here.
Firstly, don't make any major decisions based on an argument where heated words were exchanged. Few couples never have arguments. It is a temporary situation which will pass if you both choose t... (read in full...)
Is this a toxic relationship?
Q. I’ve been with my significant other for 13 years, and with my history of questions I’ve posted here, you can see it hasn’t been all paradise This pandemic had showed me a lot. I work In healthcare so when the pandemic happened In March and things...
A. 18 December 2020: People only treat us the way we ALLOW. You are ALLOWING him to treat you as a meal ticket. Not only is he not contributing to the household, he is expecting money from you, including for his weed habit. He is not a child. He is not your ... (read in full...)
I believe he is a scammer. Your opinion?
Q. Hello and thank you ! A man contacted me on Instagram. We've been chatting a couple of months. Seems nice and sweet but I've been very cautious. We're from different countries, different cultures and an age gap. He says he works but whe...
A. 18 December 2020: I'm surprised you even need to ask. Classic scam. Block, delete and move on. ... (read in full...)
My husband since 2002
Q. My husband has admitted to me he's been depressed since 2002, but pretended to be happy. We met in August 1999 aged 24, married 3 years later, but since then he said everything's been dull for him, even the sex, it wasn't as fun as when we were ...
A. 14 December 2020: Are you taking his version of his situation as gospel? I ask because, to me, the whole story sounds feeble and just doesn't add up.
For starters, nobody gets "depressed" over a photograph taken over 20 years ago on holiday, especially somethin... (read in full...)
How do I help my son out of his toxic relationship?
Q. I’m really not sure if anyone can help, but has anyone ever been in a toxic relationship and know what to do to get someone away from one for good? My son is currently in a joke of a relationship with his girlfriend and they just seem to be going ...
A. 13 December 2020: Wow! Just wow! I read your post and could feel your pain and frustration. What a dreadful situation in which to find yourself.
Your story reminded me of a friend whose daughter had a boyfriend (subsequently fiance and father of her first child) w... (read in full...)
Girlfriend still in touch with ex her friend with benefits
Q. Hey there. So I have been seeing this girl for 7 months now (in a relationship for 4 months). Around 2 months into seeing her she mentioned she had a Friend with Benefits that she stopped seeing when we started dating. Im completely fine with tha...
A. 13 December 2020: You feel as you feel. Nobody can tell you that you are wrong to feel a certain way. What you choose to do about those feelings - go with them or ignore/suppress them - will determine how you live your life.
How did you find out your girlfrie... (read in full...)
How do I keep my distance from this cousin?
Q. When I was 13 years old (I am a male), my second cousin, who is the same age as me, pressure me into having sex with her. Over the years, until I went away for college, we would have sex once every few months. I am embarrass that I lost my virgin...
A. 13 December 2020: I would not involve the rest of the family unless there is no other option. This is between you and your cousin (and your wife, if you choose to make it so).
I would contact your cousin and tell her you do not wish to have her in your house. T... (read in full...)
Did this old friend ever even like me?
Q. This is one of the harshest and most disappointing rejections I have ever experienced. Before reading, please keep in mind that I was not aware of what I found out later on and yes, I may have been too forward, I don’t know.. I have know this g...
A. 13 December 2020: It's immaterial whether he really liked you or not. He never had any plans to have you in his life. He has a family. He is not looking for anything else.
While it would have been nice (and much easier for you) if he had told you straight away he ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my abusive brother-in-law?
Q. My sister has been with her fiancé for 16 years. He helped my sister raise 3 of her children from another man. They then had a child together. Through the last few years, my sister has shared with me he has put his hands on her when he gets drunk. ...
A. 12 December 2020: The fact your sister is asking "What am I supposed to tell him?" would make me have strong suspicions he is still abusing her or, at the very least, she is still afraid he may abuse her.
In your shoes I would invite them all, including him, and... (read in full...)
How can I STILL be obsessing over a girl who I haven't seen in 3 years?
Q. Hi cupids! Here's one for you... I really, really liked this girl I used to work with. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful, funny, smart and articulate girl I'd ever met. Her eyes just made me melt whenever I gazed into them. She literally b...
A. 12 December 2020: I think this girl embodies all the qualities you seek in a partner. Because you have not yet found that partner, your thoughts keep returning to her as the "ideal". This is understandable and counter-productive at the same time. It's understandable ... (read in full...)
Dating a married woman now she suddenly becomes distant, what should I do?
Q. hi, been dating a married woman for a month, but chatted for few years before meeting, know everything about each other, even her husband her family and her husbands family kept hassling her and asking about me (because they keep seeing me ...
A. 7 December 2020: Why don't you ask her husband? See what he thinks about it all?
He is still her husband, regardless of where he lives. If she wants to mess around with other men, she needs to cut ties with him and get a divorce, not cheat on him behind his back... (read in full...)
How do I detox from this breakup?
Q. I feel toxicated and traumatized by the break up I had. He has several mental health issues and we dated long distance due to covid from a year. (No sexual contact ever)- now I know that sounds like it would be easy. But it's not..more than the ...
A. 7 December 2020: Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Thank your lucky stars you did not actually have physical contact with him. If you live with depression, contact with someone who is critical. judgmental and self obsessed will drag you down even further. You ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to say I am straight?
Q. I am a man and I do not consider myself bi or gay but I do like an occassional get together with another man from time to time I like to give him oral nothing in return I prefer to give oral to a straight married man My question is is it wrong to ...
A. 7 December 2020: Is it wrong to say to whom? To the man you are entertaining with oral sex? I doubt any man who has received oral sex from you is going to believe you. To the woman who wonders if you are straight? When she finds out you like to give oral sex to men, ... (read in full...)
I'm upset with myself for falling for a player who doesn't want to wear condoms
Q. Yesterday I slept with a guy I've been seeing for the first time. We were almost naked when I asked if he had a condom - I'm 33 and he's 27 - he said he doesn't ever use them. I demanded he out his clothes back on and we go buy some because there ...
A. 6 December 2020: Never under-estimate the power of lust - which is exactly what you are feeling. It's a very strong emotion but you need to realize it is not something on which to build a long-term relationship.
He's very attractive (and probably knows it) so h... (read in full...)
I have zero trust in men after my past and need to know how to trust
Q. Hey Cupid’s, Want a bit of advice about how I can get better at trusting people in relationships. I’m 26 and have had three serious relationships in my life. All have them have surpassed a couple of years. I’m currently in one and I feel like I ha...
A. 4 December 2020: You've reached that 2 year mark and, based on previous experience, your mind is telling you this is the time things "go wrong". The logical part of your brain knows this is not necessarily so, but the emotional side of your brain worries that it may ... (read in full...)
Would I be selling myself out if I dated a girl who bullied me in school?
Q. A girl who used to bully me at school started messaging me out of the blue and has asked me out. She hasn’t apologised or even acknowledged what she did yet is being nice as pie to me now. I suppose it’s partly my fault because I’ve not brought...
A. 4 December 2020: She may be "fit" on the outside, but she was (and possibly still is) ugly on the inside. Anyone who thinks it is acceptable behaviour to bully someone to the extent she did to you is not a nice person in my book, regardless of how attractive they ... (read in full...)
My husband is taking out loans behind my back
Q. My husband and I have separate bank accounts. years ago we had a joint one and I think it was me who decided I didn't want one anymore with him anymore as we were going through a bad time, I had trust issues with him about dating sites I had found ...
A. 3 December 2020: This appears to have less to do with the actual loans than your lack of trust in your husband. The loans are not really your concern, just where he is spending the money.
Lack of trust in a relationship is a dripping tap which will slowly e... (read in full...)
How do you respond to a break up with a gay guy?
Q. Dear Aunties, Good evening from Nairobi Kenya. I had previously asked a question about this guy younger than me who we have been having an intimate relationship with. How do you respond to a break up with a gay guy? I am 36, he is 22. We have ...
A. 3 December 2020: Regardless of what your "gaydar" is telling you, this guy is never going to be into you in the same way you are into him. You have doggedly pursued him all these years, since he was an impressionable teenager. He is still not giving you what you ... (read in full...)
How can I make amends from 16 years ago? I bullied him because I was attracted to him
Q. When I was in high school, I was bisexual (I'm still am bisexual) but I was too scared to admit it. There was one classmate, a boy named Andrew, who I started being sexually attracted to. He could walk by and I would get erections. I eve...
A. 3 December 2020: Call me cynical but I strongly suspect your urge to apologize to this victim of your bullying is not as altruistic as the other aunts and uncles are assuming. My gut tells me this is more about your past - and, I suspect, current - attraction to ... (read in full...)
How are others dealing with the anxiety caused from the pandemic?
Q. I know I am not the only one experiencing problem with this ongoing pandemic but I'm wondering if any of the wonderful aunts and uncles could give me some advice that perhaps I haven't tried or thought of? I am having such a hard time just trying...
A. 30 November 2020: Everyone has their own outlook and their own way of getting through this horrible time - and there is no disputing it IS a horrible time. People with anxiety are suffering horrendously. Mental health issues are at an all time high.
I refuse t... (read in full...)
I'm horny and think my daughter in law might be interested
Q. Hello and I am a 75 yr.old man who horny all the time. My daughter in law is 52 yrs. old. She pretty and loves to dance. Not too long ago she and I were dancing a slow dance when I got a hard on, she felt it and smiled at me. About a week later she ...
A. 28 November 2020: TROLL ALERT! Aunts beware: this is the private message I just received from this person:
Hi and ok I admit it that I.M ALWAYS HORNY. MY DAUGHTER IN LAW LIKES TO STARE AND SMILE AT ME sHE DOES RUB HERSELF WHEN MY PENIS IS OUT. sHE IS THE TYPE OF ... (read in full...)
How to say no to a friend?
Q. How to say no to a friend? My childhood friend wants to come for Christmas with his new bf. Due to the COVID pandemic, this is not OK with my husband and me. Otherwise we would be happy to have have them stay with us over the holidays. My ...
A. 28 November 2020: I think this all boils down to everyone respecting the views of others and allowing people to live their lives as they see fit. I don't think there are actually many people who don't believe the virus exists; they simply choose not to live in fear. ... (read in full...)
Is it pointless for me to search for a partner?
Q. Long story short, I've lived in a toxic home my whole life for almost 3 decades, and after finally breaking away, I feel better than before. In a nutshell, living alone is the most amazing thing ever. I don't yearn for there to be anyone there by ...
A. 28 November 2020: You suffered nearly 30 years living in a toxic home and have only just recently broken away (well done for that). Of course it is all new and wonderful. I remember feeling similar when I bought my own place. It was just bliss.
I do think you are ... (read in full...)
I'm horny and think my daughter in law might be interested
Q. Hello and I am a 75 yr.old man who horny all the time. My daughter in law is 52 yrs. old. She pretty and loves to dance. Not too long ago she and I were dancing a slow dance when I got a hard on, she felt it and smiled at me. About a week later she ...
A. 28 November 2020: I can't decide whether this is a wind-up or genuine, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Somebody of your mature years cannot be stupid enough to think this is a good idea. You need to start thinking with your brain, not your hard on.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to handle my insecurity and paranoia about my boyfriend's social media account
Q. Here goes my insecure, slightly paranoid post. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years, we live together, have a puppy together and want to spend our lives together. However I keep getting caught up in things, mainly social media thi...
A. 26 November 2020: I've always believed that the strength of a relationship is inversely proportional to the amount it is bigged up on social media. People who are happy don't need to prove anything to others. On the other hand, people who suspect others know they are ... (read in full...)
He dumped me for no reason and now won't talk to me. Help me fix it.
Q. We dated for 3 weeks. Everything was amazing. We spent a lot of time together and talked for 7 to 8 hours a day about everything. When we were together it was like we has known each other our entire lives. He told his family, friends and son about ...
A. 24 November 2020: In my experience, people who rush into relationships full speed are equally as capable of shutting them down in the blink of an eye. Three weeks is no time as all where relationships are concerned. If I had been in your shoes, getting introduced to ... (read in full...)
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