A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There is a person who I work with ,who is a very funny comical witty character but hes can be very unpleasant. all staff say the same that it's just the way he is ,dont take it personally ,that it's just his humour and that hes like that with everyone. He has never once had a conversation with me or said anything pleasant, always says uncomplientary things and swears at me .I wasnt sure if readers of this may have come across people like him at work or through life in general and if so what have you said or what would you do ?If I report him I don't feel anything will be done as everyone finds him funny . also i find mself being more confident when I am on a stage in comparison to every day conversation. I'm trying to transfer the confidence I know I naturally have to situations when someone is being unfair but I never know what to say . How can I stand up for myself when he enjoys being the way he is to myself and others? I feel that hes alot more harsh to me then other stuff and means what he says .
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (30 January 2021):
 Sounds like this guy thrives on the attention he gets when he is outrageous. Reminds me of a number of "comedians" a few years ago who believed shock value equated to comedy. People laughed because they were shocked and uncomfortable. There was nothing funny about the material. Not unsurprisingly, these comedians were a 2 minute wonder and disappeared off the scene pretty quickly.
Stop giving this sad man the attention he craves. Shut him down. When he is making his derogatory remarks, act like you haven't heard him. If he escalates things (which he may, as this type hate nothing more than being ignored), do you have the courage to tell him to push off? (Using stronger language would probably not be inappropriate in this situation.)
I worked with an idiot like this a few years ago. He used to ridicule and belittle anyone who was relatively young, new in the company or unable/unwilling to stand up for themselves. He had his little group of sycophantic cronies who all laughed whenever he came out with his nasty little comments. He had a couple of goes at me soon after I joined the company. The first time I was taken completely by surprise and rushed off, all flustered. I then had time to re-run what he had said in my head and build up quite a head of angry steam. The next time he targeted me, I completely blanked him and pretended I hadn't heard, despite the baying laughter of his fan club. This obviously annoyed him because he then upped the ante and really laid into me when he saw me. He threw the nasty comment at my back and I just stood still, clenching my fists. I drew a deep breath, waited for the idiotic laughter to stop, turned around slowly, walked to his desk and said to him, very clearly but very slowly, "Don't you ever - EVER - speak to me like that again. Who the hell do you think you are?" The office went very quiet, apart from the odd quiet snigger and "wooooooo" from his backing group. He just looked completely stunned. (Pretty sure he wasn't used to being confronted for his appalling behaviour.) I turned on my heel and walked out. Lots of idiotic whoops and laughter as I walked through the door but, guess what? He never ever targeted me again. The office became a much nicer place the day he left for another job.
If you don't feel confident enough to confront him, hold your head high and completely blank him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2021): If you are told time and time again he's a clown, why are you still taking him seriously?
Is he being inappropriate or hostile towards you? Does your employer just allow people to wonder around aimlessly, saying whatever they like and doing everything but what they're hired to do? Then find a more serious workplace!
I really don't think he's the problem. You have trouble interacting with people, and you can't take teasing or humor. You're too serious, and you take yourself too seriously. Your employer and coworkers have made it clear they won't scold or discipline him to make you comfortable; hence, you will simply have to adjust to the playful atmosphere everyone else accepts, or go find another job!
Clue: "also i find mself being more confident when I am on a stage in comparison to every day conversation."
You live in reality; therefore, you have to learn to walk among all sorts of personalities and types of people. He likes to joke around; so see him as a joker, and roll your eyes every-time he comes around. Everyone else seems to take him in stride, and see him as harmless. Maybe you're being a little snobbish. He doesn't have to change or walk on eggshells around you; when everyone else seems to like him for who he is. He's obnoxious and silly! It's because he may have his own insecurities.
He's a prankster and a fool; so develop a sense of humor, and toss a few humorous barbs his way. Ask him to get back to work and quit clowning around all the time. Smile, and then go about your business. Being too smug will make the others dislike you; because you really don't know how to be diplomatic, or show a sense of humor. Ignore him, and he won't get such joy and pleasure watching you squirm and scowl!
Are you absolutely sure he's the unpleasant coworker? The consensus is he's just a playful clown!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 January 2021):
 Yes, I think a lot of us has met asshats like the guy you describe. We also call them "bullies".
You say he doesn't have conversation with you, yet you mention he "says uncomplimentary things and swears at me ."
Do you HAVE to deal with him to work? As in do you work near him, around him or what?
Have you ever told him;" put a sock in it, I don't give a single F about your opinion?"
Sometimes you have to shut down a bully. Sometimes you have to go above them and file a complaint, but in order to do so, you NEED actual examples that he is being a bully, harassing or creating a hostile work environment. Can you do that?
And sometimes ignoring THOSE kind of people can work too.
Learning to not take an uncomplimentary thing personal is a good lesson to learn, but if this is daily it gets beyond annoying.
There is also the option to look for another job. And once you have another, you tell your boss that working with said asshat is bad for his company and morale.
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