A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HelloSo, my friend seems to have money issues. I don't mind helping out sometimes but recently I found out after I borrowed 200.00 a mutual friend also gave 200.00 so I sort of expected mine back. However, she said shes broke and needs it. Also acted insulted that I expected anything back. I was offended. There has been many times she doesn't pay back and somehow manipulates the conversation whenever I ask for it back. I've grown tired of it. I told her that's the last time I try to help her. She blocked me which she has done before until she needs something again. Any advice would be appreciated!
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2021): Some people seem to be missing the point here. You are not lending her money because you are kind and caring, you do it because this friend puts a price on being in your life. She is not interested in being in your life if you do not pay her for it. The price is paying for this and paying for that when she asks you to. As soon as you cannot afford it or say no she gets funny, she is not getting what she wants - she wants your money - she does not want you - you are just a means to an end. She has to come through you to get the money, otherwise she would not bother with you all.
Why do you call her a friend?
When a guy goes to a prostitute he reluctantly pays her for sex. If he could get it free instead he would.
This is no different to what is going on here. She wants your money, she asks for it, if you give it to her she allows you five or more minutes of her time and pretends to be your friend for a while till the next time.
They are virtually the same thing.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (14 January 2021):
 Never EVER lend anyone money. If you do not have enough to simply give away, don't borrow money out. That's a lesson that everyone needs to learn. You either give money freely, and as a gift, or not at all. Finances are the main cause of divorce and strained relationships. Let that sink in... Because there's a reason for it. Just take this as a lesson and move on... Oh... And never do it again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2021): You give her money (forget the fantasy you are lending it, you are giving it it is a gift, she pretends it's a loan and so do you). She knows you are weak, she knows you lack confidence, she knows you are lonely, she knows that if she clicks her fingers you say yes - because you do not have a good social life and better friends and you would rather pay her to be in your life than lose her. You totally fail to see or over look that she is not a friend. She cares nothing for you. She is using you and if you had no money at all she would dump you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2021): When you start saying "no", she'll back off.
I know what I'm talking about.
That's how I actually kept a friend, instead of lost her.
The last time she wanted to borrow money was to buy a plane ticket to come "see me". I live in one of the most touristic cities in the world that she adores and she wanted to come and "see me" on my dime? And stay with me, of course.
So I told her that I'll buy her the ticket IF she wired me the money BEFORE she came to stay with me.
Go figure, she changed her mind about "coming to see me".
This started the redefinition of our relationship. I realized that I can't change her as a being, but I can change how she treats me. So, she continued her "old ways" with some people, but not with me.
It's worth ot!
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (10 January 2021):
 Any advice? Yes, stop lending her money. Simple.
Let her bleat. Let her moan. Nod, agree, sympathize, but don't put your hand in your pocket. I assume you have to work for your money? You know it doesn't grow on trees. Your friend, on the other hand, has a profound sense of entitlement to other people's money. This is disrespectful to you as it completely ignores the effort it took you to obtain that money.
While it is nice of you to try to help her, she has proved she is not to be trusted. Learn your lesson and stop giving her money. If she falls out with you over it, that proves she was only your friend for what she could get out of you.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 January 2021):
I agree with the never lend money you can't afford to lose thing.
I also think when you lend people money you should treat it as a gift, if they pay you back that's great, but they're obviously not good with money or at least don't have enough of it, so paying you back may not happen.
If they don't pay you back don't loan them money again. Period. Don't be afraid to tell them this either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 January 2021):
 This is a simple problem with a simple answer.
Whatever funds you've already loaned her, write it off in your mind. Assume you'll never see it again, and when she blocks you, block her and keep it that way.
She can't manipulate you if she can't contact you. If you allow her to reach you, decline to loan, let her get annoyed and be done with it. Don't try to reason with her or convince her. Just put a period and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (10 January 2021):
 I think you are going to have to put this one down to experience and never do this again.
You have helped her, given her money. And she repays you bt acting insulted that you want it back.
You are not her cash machine, she needs to stop sponging off of other and stand on her own two feet.
She has well and truly bitten the hand that feeds her. Don't ever give her anything again. She has shown her true colours by blocking you.
I would also block her if i was you and move on, she is a user, and a leech.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2021): You'll have to write it off and dissolve the friendship. If she didn't sign an IOU or a repayment-agreement; she can tell you to bite-it!
My dad used to say "if you want to quickly get rid of a friend, lend them money!"
If you really wish to help people financially, give without expecting it back; or donate to charity. Never lend large sums to friends; or give more than you can afford to give-up. If you know you're dealing with a user; you shouldn't be giving her more money, when she already owes you money. What right do you have to complain? She has suckered you before!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 January 2021):
 Learn from this.
1. Never LEND money you can't afford to "throw away".
2. NEVER lend money "thinking" she will pay it back, HAVE it in WRITING that this is a loan and that SHE will pay it back XX amount every week or month.
Stop trying to help someone who treat you like this. BLOCK her dumbass. She is a user.
...............................
|
