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*incerely Yours agony aunt

*incerely Yours

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I deleted my account once before. This is my second account. I regret deleting it, because I would like to see the things I wrote 6 years ago. I would like to see my progression or regression of wisdom. I've gone through phases of cynicism and optimism. Despite the enormity of my traumatic experiences, I almost think I'm too optimistic to give advice. I guess I have, if nothing else, a varied perspective to add to situations. Take it or leave it I guess.

Please feel free to PM for an elaboration of something I've written. However I am not comfortable being contacted for my sole advice. I am not all-knowing, nor an MD or psychologist and part of this site is getting different opinions. So please, for your own sake, if you have a question, post it publicly to get a better response.

Thanks :] ~Sy

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Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?

Q.   Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...

A.   16 January 2015: So she IS having an abortion? For sure? It's too late to change mind because of the drugs. I don't like that you didn't do drugs until you met her. If she's not having your baby, I would be inclined to advise you to break ties. A person should e... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he wants to break up due to financial problem. Does this mean he is involved with another woman?

Q.   My boyfriend told me that he wants to be friends because his job lower his hours and he is having a hard time paying his bills. Do this sound like he is involved with another woman? ...

A.   16 January 2015: This does not sound related to an affair. He may be undergoing some stress and not willing to take responsibility for a girl friend. It could also be a cop out excuse and he just does not want to be with you anymore. But it does not automatically ... (read in full...)

Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?

Q.   Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...

A.   16 January 2015: Did I just read that your pregnant girl friend has been doing drugs the last few days? ...................? Also, she's having your baby right? The baby is a tie. Do you want to sever that? ... Only her moving back and you attempting the relation... (read in full...)

Why are some people incapable of asking how you are?

Q.   why are some people incapable of asking how you are? I mean friends, long term friend, any friend. A long term friend of mine never bothers to say this, I always ask after her and want to know how she is, isnt that what friends do!!? Other friends ...

A.   16 January 2015: Well what DOES she talk about? She may not go through the typical formalities, but those are often not genuine and said out of expectation. Your concern should be does she ultimately speak with you about your life and your activities? Or does she ... (read in full...)

Does her seeming surprised when I hug her mean she's not into me?

Q.   I've been seeing this girl a little while now. We've been on 8 dates, and I think a lot of her - shes great, good looking. I think she likes me - enjoys our time together. We are in touch most days. Shes talks of seeing each other in the futu...

A.   15 January 2015: She sounds shy, and awkward. Based only on what you've written, she does sound into you. ~Sy ... (read in full...)

How can I let my classmate down easy he is infatuated by me and I don't see the same for him?

Q.   Dear cupid,I have enrolled myself back in to school for my education"diploma" im very proud of myself I am finally doing something for myself and it feels great.So there is a young guy who is 25 years old he seems to be infatuated with me that's ...

A.   15 January 2015: You sound like a very caring and sweet lady. I know you don't want to be rude. Maybe a good phrasing for you would be "You are so sweet and I really appreciate your kindness for an old lady, but you really don't need to give me all this atte... (read in full...)

My MIL leaves me in tears and always gets away with it

Q.   This question is about my mother in law. I know that lots of peoples mothers in law are a pain in the ass, but mine is something else! She has a lot of mental health issues, including bulimia and alcoholism. She gets away with preposterous comments ...

A.   15 January 2015: If I were your husband and I tried to confront her and got screamed at and cursed out and hung up on, I don't think I would see purpose in confronting her again either. It doesn't even seem safe. Remember that as much stress as it causes you, she... (read in full...)

Girlfriend? Or Friend? How do I know?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy I met offline for about 2 months. We talked online for over a month before he asked me out for coffee. Since then we have seen each other once or twice a week since then. When I am with him, I feel totally relaxed and happ...

A.   15 January 2015: I understand that you like him and are excited about him, but if you are under the impression that asking would be too much pressure on the relationship at this point, then don't put that pressure on your mind either. If you are not comf... (read in full...)

Was I right to break up with my jealous girlfriend?

Q.   I am in desperate need for advice. I've been with my girlfriend now for 8 years, for the past 2 years its not been good on and off with arguments, breaks etc.. I moved into a house a few months ago and she wanted to move in. But because of these ...

A.   15 January 2015: I feel for you. It's quite difficult. Your girlfriend has a lot of personal development/growth and as long as you're around, she going to include you in her process, but unfortunately, your coddling and comforting her is not going to make her more ... (read in full...)

My boy friend lied about liking big breasts and now I feel self conscious about my small chest

Q.   Hello, this might be a bit redundant as there are some similar questions on this site. Anyway, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything's great. However, I recently found out he's lied about his physical preferences. ...

A.   15 January 2015: www.dearcupid.org/question/was-i-right-to-break-up-with-my.html I thought this might help you to see this situation from your boyfriend's perspective. It's not exactly the same, but similar. He obviously loves his girlfriend, but got over... (read in full...)

A year of living together but I don't see us moving forward. Am I wasting my time?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years now, and we've been living together for about a year. We're both 28. When he asked me to move in, it followed some pretty intense conversations about our future and if he saw marriage and kids as part of ...

A.   15 January 2015: I do advise you to be very careful. I had an aunt who was married to a man for 9 years. She wanted kids and every time they talked about it, he had a new excuse ... "Let's wait till I'm out of school, finish this degree, buy a house, save this much ... (read in full...)

Flirting with my best friend's wife...should I go further?

Q.   My best friend started dating this girl years ago. My gf at the time and her were bffs. My friends gf and i had this chemistry that is so lustful and exciting. We would mess around a bit and eventually it came out in the open. We admitted guilt and ...

A.   15 January 2015: I think you should control yourself, find a single girl. Would you make a decision to be a bad friend, cheat, lie, breakup a marriage? I advise you to make a heathy decision. ... (read in full...)

My boy friend lied about liking big breasts and now I feel self conscious about my small chest

Q.   Hello, this might be a bit redundant as there are some similar questions on this site. Anyway, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything's great. However, I recently found out he's lied about his physical preferences. ...

A.   15 January 2015: I used to feel this way. I understand completely. My only way out of my own insecure prison was personal growth, strengthening of my mind. I was also in a relationship in which sex was overly important. He would get angry if I didn't want sex and ... (read in full...)

Should I try my luck with this guy.

Q.   I suspect that my colleague is gay. I have worked with my colleague for several years and he has never mensioned or commented about being in a relationship or a women. He has recently mentioned he has a new partner. His sexuality is his business and ...

A.   14 January 2015: He might be friendly and well-mannered and so he allows your colleague's infatuation. Or he might be bisexual. Or he might be gay and is friendly and allows YOUR infatuation! If he his bi, will this bother you while being in a relationship with him? ... (read in full...)

I cannot compromise my morals for this man but we have about 90% of things in common. What do I do?

Q.   I met a guy 5yrs ago and we became almost best friends for about 6mths. We went out one night with mutual friends, got very drunk after everyone else left and kissed. This happened one or two more times. Shortly after this I went abroad for a couple ...

A.   14 January 2015: I am in agreement with janniepig that you may want to date him for a while to see how the two of you mend. I also agree that part of his infatuation with you is that you have not thrown yourself at him, you are more challenging and more valuable ... (read in full...)

Why do women have to be so confusing?

Q.   i got this girl we are best friends, so she says but everyone thinks we are dating and im so confused. we got real close when my mom passed just a few months ago,she has a young daughter that i love and she loves me, so she gives me all the signs ...

A.   14 January 2015: She sounds like a new special breed - desperately craving approval on her body through men. She sounds insecure and jn need of attention. Don't let her use you, man. You have got to be clear that if she's going to be showing you her goods and ... (read in full...)

I'm really embarassed to introduce my longterm boyfriend to my family, how can I deal with this situation?

Q.   So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, though the first 3 years were long distance as he was in the military. He has met my parents and my siblings. Well I feel really ashamed to say this but up until now I have avoided my boyfr...

A.   14 January 2015: Are your grandparents aware you are bringing him? If so, it seems like that means they have accepted him to a certain point. Are your parents willing to help? They may be able to approach your grandparents in a comfortable way and let them know that ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend proposed me a threesome. What should I do?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend (I'm 23 and she's 20) have been together for over two years. We're serious, Things are wonderful between us two, we really love each other, and we're living together since a couple of weeks ago. The other day we were talking ...

A.   14 January 2015: You are a rare kind of smart. It's admirable how you proactively protect your girlfriend and yours feelings. You are right to be worried. If it goes wrong, it will probably not be worth the risk. ... (read in full...)

Are most people judgmental?

Q.   I expected that people in the working world etc. would be more mature but they aren't. A lot of adults are so petty (both genders) and gossip about/say stupid things like "that client looks old" or "that co-worker is weird" or "Spanish people ...

A.   13 January 2015: I am sorry to say, but yes. Keep your integrity and make it clear that you won't take part. I had a coworker speak badly about people, I always have an objective, reasonable response such as: "I think she was just trying to help," or "he's just not ... (read in full...)

Nine year affair and the woman I love decides to have another child with her husband.

Q.   I am a married man with 2 kids who fell in love with a married woman 9 years ago. She was in a "loveless" marriage with 1 child and I was getting bored in mine. She recently "broke" it off with me without any explanation a few months ago and would't ...

A.   13 January 2015: Why is it that people who cheat on their spouses think they are entitled to a happy ending? And victimize themselves in the end? I don't understand. As an adult, you took action knowing there would be consequences both negative and positive. Now you ... (read in full...)

I need to sneak out, just this once, to go to the movies with my boyfriend!

Q.   Hi everyone :) So I've been having exams and been super busy.. And my boyfriend asked if I could go out for a movie date with him after our exams end. And here's the issue : I don't know how to not let my parents find out. Truth is I told my paren...

A.   13 January 2015: When I was a youngster in my senior year, my boyfriend was going to leave for basic training and I wanted to sneak out with him as well, so I did. When I was caught, I was okay with it. I let my mom know that the consequences were considered before ... (read in full...)

Can a single man genuinely love and accept a woman who has children?

Q.   I am in the process of reconsidering my marriage due to a lot of mental abuse. I have told my husband about this. A few months ago I made an acquaintance with a man and he knew I was married and have 2 children. The fact that I have children did not ...

A.   13 January 2015: I was a single mom for a couple of years and had absolutely no problems with that. The only guy who cared was far too young to be coming on to me. He took my appearance for much younger. Don't worry about being accepted to someone else. Let someone ... (read in full...)

I'd love a second child but my partner isn't interested in more children.

Q.   I've been with my partner 10 years he is 18 years older than me, I'm 30 years old. My partner has 2 children from a previous marriage and we have 1 child together.When we met my partner wanted more children and agreed it was definitely something ...

A.   13 January 2015: When there is a disagreement on child bearing, I'm afraid to say it gets into an entire new realm of difficulty. Since life is primarily reproduction, the subject can cause so much misery/happiness, and in relationships, resentment. He has had his ... (read in full...)

Torn between taking him back, and questioning whether anything's going to change

Q.   Hello aunts and uncles. I am looking for some advice please because I'm so confused at the moment. Basically, I had been with my now ex boyfriend for over 5 years. We have always had our own lives and interests outside of the relationship, bu...

A.   11 January 2015: It sounded as if he got threatened by the mention of settling for the rest of his life. It seems but can't be sure - as though he went out in a fit of rebellion to the thought of "losing his freedom." He may have even been testing himself - ... (read in full...)

How do I become less obsessive about checking for messages from him?

Q.   My SO is currently traveling for work and due to this we're communicating via email. We've both promised to write to each other at least once a day. We don't have a fixed time to write so I find myself checking my email every ten minutes to see if ...

A.   11 January 2015: Have any words of wisdom? Jump on board at DC! Perhaps you can read a few questions and offer some sound, objective advice. It can create a wonderful, productive redirection of your time on your computer. All you need is an activity that takes up ... (read in full...)

My husband has no friends and is lonely. How can a reserved person meet similar people and expand his social circle?

Q.   I am happily married to my husband of 7 years and our relationship continues to grow from strength to strength. He is kind, professionally successful and has a brilliant sense of humour. The problem is he has no friends and even though he doesn'...

A.   11 January 2015: Do you have kids? Do you have a job jn which you can invite couples from work over? ... (read in full...)

Do you think I might have hurt his feelings? I think of his as my FWB

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am currently in a "relationship" with this guy named X. We must be FWB's because we've agreed that we aren't calling each other bf/gf. My question could be complicated for some, mostly because I don't know how to ask it. But I was...

A.   11 January 2015: Avoiding emotions and love is more silly than getting into a relationship that might end painfully. At least in one of these options, you have a CHANCE. Regarding his feelings, if you simply don't want to be with him, then you shouldn't force your... (read in full...)

Will I always regret not sleeping with someone else if we do marry?

Q.   I was brought up in quite a religious family and was taught not to have sex before marriage. While all my friends were having a varied sex life during uni I was with another guy who had similar values. We broke up and I have now been with my cur...

A.   11 January 2015: On the contrary, I slept with my high school boyfriend and met my husband immediately after that relationship. I had wished I had waited for him. No regrets really, nothing to lose sleep over. But I was his first and would have felt better being his ... (read in full...)

Why would a man be so stingy?

Q.   I (25/F) and Art (30/M)recently broke up from a 1 year relationship. The problem: he barely paid for our dates, even after I told him it bothered me. He wants to get back together, but I'm unsure. Art is a smart, sensual, and charismatic man....

A.   10 January 2015: He is cheap, that's how he is. He may have saving grace qualities that make him worth it to be with. If so, my recommendation is to stop doing things that cost money. Fun can be had for free; activities don't have to revolve around money and neither ... (read in full...)

My husband is deleting texts from his ex-wife. How can I handle this?

Q.   My husband deletes texts and calls from his ex wife, even after we've had discussions about doing this, and he said he wouldn't do it anymore. Also, I've seen texts where she sends him x's and o's. At one point I even texted her myself to ask her ...

A.   7 January 2015: I think the X's and O's are somewhat insignificant. Just symbols that commonly used and not always a whole hearts worth of meaning. His ex-wife may have really enjoyed your asking her to stop, unfortunately. She may very well be mocking you, which ... (read in full...)

My married boyfriend of two years is torn. He cannot give me up but he cannot leave his marriage. How do I handle this?

Q.   I have deep feelings for a man who has been married for 20 years. I have been with him for almost 2 years. It happened because I suppose we met at the right place and the right time and we had this undeniable connection... right from the very st...

A.   7 January 2015: I've never seen more selfish posts than ones from the mistress, wronging another woman but concerned for her own feelings. You should have walked away in the very beginning to find a connection with a single man. It's not too late for you. For him ... (read in full...)

I like him but I don't understand his behaviour

Q.   We slept together, after months of flirting kissing etc. Then next day we spent the day together, we went back to my place had sex again and fell asleep. He left in the morning kissed me goodbye and said he'd text me. He texted me 2 days later just ...

A.   6 January 2015: I think people put too much on texting. If you send someone a text and they don't reply, it's okay to call. That goes for both of you. It sounds as if you're over thinking a silly texting sequence. Don't put too much pressure on that. It's not ... (read in full...)

I'm worried she's getting bored with me

Q.   I have a problem that is probably in my head. A couple months ago I met a girl I never gave any thought until two months ago when I realized she had a crush on me. I gave her my number and she was texting me all the time and she seemed like she was ...

A.   6 January 2015: It sounds like you're afraid because someone has specifically told you that you are boring. The definition of "boring" will change for each person. You may want to examine the type of person she is what type you are and accordingly, what lead her to ... (read in full...)

How do I get over him when there is so much history?

Q.   o I'm 16 and have been dating this guy for a while. Two weeks before our two year anniversary, I got a call off a friend dating she caught him with another girl. I cried for hours and he begged for me back. On the next day he told me he didn't ...

A.   6 January 2015: Update us is the future if you wish!! ... (read in full...)

How do I stop the heartache?

Q.   Is it normal to have your heart broken 4 or 5 times in a life time? I haven't been in many relationships and a couple didn't even get off the starting block - yet I still seem to be the one who gets dumped or passed by, so the guy could date a...

A.   6 January 2015: In previous relationships that have failed, I've found myself reflecting on & learning from my past and realizing that one of three things was not right: myself, him, or we as a pair. I've had my heart broken by men, friends, and family. In times, ... (read in full...)

How do I stop the heartache?

Q.   Is it normal to have your heart broken 4 or 5 times in a life time? I haven't been in many relationships and a couple didn't even get off the starting block - yet I still seem to be the one who gets dumped or passed by, so the guy could date a...

A.   6 January 2015: In previous relationships that have failed, I've found myself reflecting on & learning from my past and realizing that one of three things was not right: myself, him, or we as a pair. I've had my heart broken by men, friends, and family. In times, ... (read in full...)

How do I get over him when there is so much history?

Q.   o I'm 16 and have been dating this guy for a while. Two weeks before our two year anniversary, I got a call off a friend dating she caught him with another girl. I cried for hours and he begged for me back. On the next day he told me he didn't ...

A.   4 January 2015: Oh and please don't tell him about your second miscarriage. You don't need to put yourself in the position of being guilted and shamed again. Not good. ~SY... (read in full...)

How do I get over him when there is so much history?

Q.   o I'm 16 and have been dating this guy for a while. Two weeks before our two year anniversary, I got a call off a friend dating she caught him with another girl. I cried for hours and he begged for me back. On the next day he told me he didn't ...

A.   4 January 2015: I'm sorry, I really don't think that's an option. That's like an alcoholic trying not to take a beer from the fridge. It's much easier if it's kept out of the house altogether. It's easier to stop yourself from going to the store than it is to stop ... (read in full...)

She wants more than friendship, was I right to ask him to remove her from facebook?

Q.   My boyfriend dated this woman before me, they ended things about a year ago (he says they just dated, and were not in a relationship). In summer, when he first got to know me, she came around asking him to try things again with her, and he told her ...

A.   4 January 2015: I can understand your discomfort, and if he truly is not interested in her anymore, then having her on Facebook shouldn't be important. It's obviously not good for her either, because she seems a little obsessively pawning for him. What was his ... (read in full...)

Do I have a lot to learn or is he trying to take advantage of me?

Q.   Hello, So my boyfriend is 7 years older than me and we have been dating for under a year. This is the first time I have dated an older guy. We don't live together and we are only together a few nights out of the week after we both get off for work...

A.   4 January 2015: Oh man. What a sleeze bag. He is trying to degrade you into submission. He is the one with a lot to learn, you are the one he cant fool because you are too smart. He needs to shoot a couple years younger to find a girl naive enough for this. ... (read in full...)

I found out my boyfriend is cheating, how do I handle it?

Q.   My boyfriend of 5 months has been acting strange he used to reply to my messages within an hour at the most but usually straight away but now he keeps coming up with stupid reasons like his phone needs charging I can charge my phone and still reply ...

A.   4 January 2015: You don't owe him any fancy explanation. Simply state your reason and go. Your relationship is still so young, you're lucky not to have found out after a year. ... (read in full...)

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