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... Send *altwater a private message | | | *altwater's profile:"Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do; seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already."
Been away from the site for a while...but I felt like jumping back in. Hopefully my advice now is more helpful than it was a year ago! PM's, friend requests are all welcome.
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| Latest articles: Points to ponder on advise against teenage sex
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2009: Out of curiosity, I was recently browsing through the advice I had given in the past 9 odd months I've been on this website. What struck me is how much "stern" I seem to be when giving advice to teenagers under 18 about sex. I frequently adv...
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Her father died before the wedding and she wants to postpone it. I told her no, but it's causing fights. Help!
Q. My fiance's dad just recently die before our wedding. When I got home she crying her eyes out. After I calm her down she say she to hold off the wedding for a bit. I dont its a great idea cause if we do have to wait another a year to got merried. ...
A. 31 August 2008: Well, it doesn't matter if you don't have two pennies to rub together or you're a multi-millionaire -- the death of a parent is never easy to deal with.
You cannot compare money to the death of a parent -- I would rather lose all my money than los... (read in full...)
I need major feedback for this job interview I have tomorrow!
Q. Big interview tomorrow ! I need major feedback, please: What are the top things to remember when going into a job interview? Not as an employer, but as a potential employee. ...
A. 30 August 2008: Great!
XD... (read in full...)
I need major feedback for this job interview I have tomorrow!
Q. Big interview tomorrow ! I need major feedback, please: What are the top things to remember when going into a job interview? Not as an employer, but as a potential employee. ...
A. 28 August 2008: Oh and don't forget to ask 2 (3 would be pushing it) questions after the interview about your potential role.
I can't think of any relevant ones off-hand, but make them interesting questions (not boring or obvious ones) that would further portray ... (read in full...)
I need major feedback for this job interview I have tomorrow!
Q. Big interview tomorrow ! I need major feedback, please: What are the top things to remember when going into a job interview? Not as an employer, but as a potential employee. ...
A. 28 August 2008: I'll list them because it's easier ;-)
1) Smart clothes
2) Smile :-)
3) No excess make-up, no earrings or any other excess jewellery (appearance counts)
4) No wacky hair styles...
4) Sit up straight with arms in front of you on your lap (not ... (read in full...)
I feel like his personal punching bag every time I try to calm him down! Do I have to live in fear?
Q. Hi everyone I been reading all the good advices here when it comes to relationship. Now its my turn to ask your advices I am tired and confused on how can I handle the situation. My bf and I were on 2 yrs relationship now and we pass som...
A. 28 August 2008: Hi,
No you don't have to live in fear. I think most people can relate to loving someone -- be it family or loved one -- who has a temper and who is difficult to calm down ...but that is up to a point.
Everyone has a difficult time at some poi... (read in full...)
My mom found out I had sex and it changed everything!
Q. ok so my mom found out 2 weeks ago that my boyfriend and i had sex. and ever since then she has treated me like crap or worse and i cant to talk to her i just cant its too hard for me and my boyfriend wont talk to me until i do and i tried and ...
A. 28 August 2008: Your mum (sorry, mom...) arguably cares too much for you because she won't talk to you about it...yet.
She isn't treating you like crap; she is upset as she probably feels that you are too young to be engaging in such an explosive act.
And I p... (read in full...)
Her father died before the wedding and she wants to postpone it. I told her no, but it's causing fights. Help!
Q. My fiance's dad just recently die before our wedding. When I got home she crying her eyes out. After I calm her down she say she to hold off the wedding for a bit. I dont its a great idea cause if we do have to wait another a year to got merried. ...
A. 28 August 2008: Everything Tisha says is correct.
My dad died when I was 10, and I still grieve his loss now; some 12 years later.
You need to give her time. If you love her then this should be easy for you to do.
You should be comforting her; not argu... (read in full...)
How can I get over this jerk?
Q. How do I get over a guy? This guy I, for some unknown reason, really like, disrespects me, lies to me, ignores me and is currently secretly seeing someone else. He has had 6 women in the past 10 months and I dont think this new relationship wil...
A. 28 August 2008: bubbloo24 is right; you just need to forget him.
You need to find someone else who respects you; I bet the reason you pine after this guy is because you haven't met anyone else yet...I bet the moment you meet someone who respects you and treats y... (read in full...)
What are the chances of getting pregnant?
Q. I'm 13. Turning 14. I had unprotected sex three times last week. I told my friend about it. And she told me that I am probably pregnant. I don't really know if I am. I had sex 9-10 days into my menstrual cycle. And the guy didn't pull out. What are ...
A. 28 August 2008: You seem pretty unfazed about the possibility of being pregnant. You do know the implications of being pregnant don't you?
For goodness sake, 3 times unprotected and you're only 13?
I hope this is a fake post.
If it isn't, then I hope you'r... (read in full...)
How can I prepare myself for my first time?.
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend (that I love) for 3 months and we haven't had sex. On several occasions we've come close to doing so but I've always chickened out at the last minute. Don't get me wrong, I want to have sex but as a virgin, I am terri...
A. 28 August 2008: Sex the first time is always a bit clumsy.
If you are a virgin then it will hurt; and maybe some blood will appear as well.
You can reduce some of the pain by engaging in a large amount of foreplay beforehand to help moisten you up; this red... (read in full...)
Why can he not stay hard?
Q. Ok so there is this guy I have been seeing and every time we try to have sex he either can't get or stay hard. He says he can think about me and get hard, but when we see each other...nothing! He says it is his nerves and that he has never had this ...
A. 27 August 2008: Being nervous will make the situation worse for him...it's arguably him being so attracted to you that he gets nervous because he can't believe he is about to penetrate someone so beautiful thus losing his erection -- and yes, that is a valid reason ... (read in full...)
My family is pretty messed up, and I feel I get the hardest time when I haven't done anything wrong. Please help.
Q. Hello, My name is Emy, im 14 and I'm from Cardiff in Wales. This isn't your usual question. My family is pretty messed up, and I feel I get the hardest time when I haven't done anything wrong. My mother had an affair with her sisters husband whic...
A. 27 August 2008: Hello Emy,
Your basic situation is not uncommon -- many children are born with the dad not wanting to know; hence why you see many women (usually young) in the street pushing prams with the dad nowhere to be seen. So you're not alone.
So it e... (read in full...)
I can't be who I am living with my parents! Do I get a job or go to school?
Q. I was hoping for some good advice please. I am just starting university this week where I am doing a part time access course in Scotland. I have been planning to do this for a year and try give myself a good life. However family circumstances ar...
A. 26 August 2008: I'll tell you a story from personal experience that is somewhat relevant...
Before I went to Uni I didn't really get along with my mum. We didn't have massive fights or anything; but we never really felt like a really close mum and son...no... (read in full...)
Are men intimidated by me? How can I avoid these situations without changing who I am or what I'm doing?
Q. So, I am a young, attractive (so I've heard) single women. I am also in college, pursuing what some may say is a man's career (engineering). My problem is that sometimes I feel that I don't get appraoched by men as often as I'd like when at bar...
A. 25 August 2008: Wow, you study engineering and live on your own...hell, I'll go out with you ;-)
Seriously though, if you are attractive then men automatically assume that you will have a boyfriend and won't approach you (it's how we men think.)
The result is... (read in full...)
Will girls be turned off about a guy with a speech impediment? What is the best way to ask them out?
Q. I am 23 years old male and never been on a date. Due to my speech impediment, I am nervous about introducing myself to people. What is the best way to ask a girl out? How is the best way too meet girls and get to know them? Will girls be tu...
A. 25 August 2008: Well, the sad truth is that shallow girls will be put off; though why would you want to go out with girls like that anyway?
You don't specify the extent of your impediment, but however bad it is, it doesn't affect you being a caring person d... (read in full...)
How do I forgive my mom after she forced me to kill my baby?
Q. i am an 18 year old female who has just graduated high school. i am hurting right now. in december i found out iwas 2 months pregnant and i kept it a secret only my boyfriend and my brothers girlfriend kew. i thought that i could trust her, but i ...
A. 25 August 2008: I just have to say that I disagree with a lot of people here.
At 18, you are not really an adult; nobody is.
While technically you may be classed as one, in reality nobody at 18 is a true adult; emotionally or physically.
There is this c... (read in full...)
Do we give up our baby for adoption or not?
Q. I'm 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend doesnt think we are ready both emotionally and financially to have a baby. He thinks the responsible thing to do would be put it up for adoption. We're both 24, and we both have stable careers and all...but ...
A. 25 August 2008: Cupidguy is right...nobody is ever in an perfect position to raise a child; be it emotionally, physically, financially or any other variable circumstance.
Every "normal" parent struggles financially. Unless you're a multi-millionaire then it is go... (read in full...)
14 years old and want to have sex but worried about the side effects.
Q. Dear Cupid. I'm A 14 Year Old Virgin. I'm Wanting To Loose This. But Im Very Uptight About The Effects. My Boyfriend Says It Will Only Hurt A Little, But I Beg To Differ. My Friends Say When They Lost It ( between the ages or 14 - 16) I...
A. 25 August 2008: 14 is too young to have sex.
You're body isn't fully developed yet...so it is likely sex will hurt more when you are 14 than when you are, say, 18.
Please think carefully about whether you really want sex -- don't let your boyfriend pressu... (read in full...)
I'm 14, when I'm 18 me and my boyfriend are going to have sex, but I'm really scared already. Will it hurt? Will I bleed a lot?
Q. Ok i am 14 yrs old, and me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months. We have decided that when we are 18 we would have sex, but i am really scared and wanted to know if it will hurt? If it will is there anyway i could do something ...
A. 25 August 2008: You sound like you're thinking about having sex earlier than 18... I hope for you that you aren't. By 18 sex may not hurt as much, though it may still be slightly painful. Lots of foreplay will help moisten you and make you less tense and will... (read in full...)
Can I succeed in life even if I don't totally complete school?
Q. iM A graduating at the end of the year and most likly wont get all my senoir point on my certificate. Im stressing so much that i will never be anything or wont get anywhere. Has anyone else failed grade twelve but still become something great? I am ...
A. 22 August 2008: Well not having some qualifications makes things harder; but qualifications aren't the be all and end all of life.
Often getting some jobs is all about who you know, not what you know.
There is so much more to life than qualifications..... (read in full...)
I feel I'm going mad ~ scared I'll get into trouble with the law for texting. I have never broken the law, but he did!
Q. This time last year my ex partner and i split up. we had lived together almost 6 years but before i met him i owned my own terrace house, no mortgage - silly me sold it and put the money into the joint house. He met someone else and systematical...
A. 21 August 2008: Hi, only just seen your reply.
He doesn't have any right to do what he has done.
Glad you went to the rape councellor. They're obviously more qualified than me so I think any advice they give about pressing charges is something you sh... (read in full...)
Mid-life crisis at 28? I feel like life is passing me by!
Q. Sorry this isn't really about relationships but you seem like a bunch of sensible people who might be able to help. Basically I'm sitting here in tears for the 6th night running. I'm having some sort of crisis. Like a mid-life one except I'm only ...
A. 20 August 2008: Okay so when I posted there were no answers, but I think most people will answer with the following points:
Calm down. Okay so you're 28...but life's not over is it?
When you think that people still have fulfilling and meaningful lives... (read in full...)
How could he hurt me by watching pornography?
Q. I honestly believed that my boyfriend was not in the faintest interested in pornography. I have come to know otherwise. I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago and about a month ago, found him doing the unthinkable. Prior to this and when...
A. 17 August 2008: lol, A man has a completely different opinion of porn from *women* even...... (read in full...)
How could he hurt me by watching pornography?
Q. I honestly believed that my boyfriend was not in the faintest interested in pornography. I have come to know otherwise. I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago and about a month ago, found him doing the unthinkable. Prior to this and when...
A. 17 August 2008: It's got a little argumentative on here.
Maybe I was a little hasty in my words, but it frustrates me the amount of criticism gets levelled at a man for watching porn.
A man has a completely different opinion of porn from men...and Diovan... (read in full...)
Why does my husband want threesomes?
Q. My husband and I have been together for ten years. He has always wanted to indulge in threesomes and he wants to see me have sex with another guy. I have reluctantly indulged in threesomes with him but never let the guy have sex...just foreplay and ...
A. 15 August 2008: Well I have no personal experience to give other than to say that you should browse this site for threesome questions and see the damage that a "full on" threesome can do to a relationship.
... (read in full...)
Body Image: How can I feel better about it?
Q. Hi, I have just started seeing this guy, we have been out a few times however everytime he goes to touch me I always find my self pulling away, I have a big issue with the way I look, I'm not overweight but I am no oil painting either, just a normal ...
A. 15 August 2008: Don't beat yourself up about your body. Nobody is an oil painting; but there is more to a person than their appearance though isn't there?
The fact that he suggested giving you a massage means he clearly isn't repulsed by your body. Talking ... (read in full...)
What can I do to reduce the brightness of the colour my mother dyed my hair?!!
Q. I know this may not be a relevant question to this website, but i don't know where else to turn to! I allowed my mother to dye my hair a mohogany colour, previously to what i'd had a few months back, however this was a different brand and it's t...
A. 13 August 2008: There isn't much you can do other than frequent washing of your hair which will fade it a little...I doubt it will become pink....it usually just becomes a "dull" colour.
There isn't anything special you can buy to reduce the brightne... (read in full...)
Acne- Anyone know any products that REALLY DO WORK?
Q. hi :) so i've always had problems with acne. i have it on my face and shoulders/back. and my doctors have perscribed me lots of medicines for it. lotion and pills. and it seems as none of them really work. so does anyone know any product...
A. 12 August 2008: Hey there...
Don't worry about acne so much.
If anything your doctor has given you doesn't work then you are just going to have to wait until it goes away....which in time it will.
I used to go the doctor for my acne and nothing worked;... (read in full...)
How could he hurt me by watching pornography?
Q. I honestly believed that my boyfriend was not in the faintest interested in pornography. I have come to know otherwise. I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago and about a month ago, found him doing the unthinkable. Prior to this and when...
A. 11 August 2008: You are over-reacting here big style.
No wonder he told you he didn't watch porn, probably because he knew you would react like this if he told you.
Sorry darling, but if you can't deal with a man watching and masturbating to porn, then you a... (read in full...)
Did I lose out for all time on the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life?
Q. Awwwwww, I totally missed out today! At my job this insanely hot girl who kept smiling at me came into the store and I didn't ask for her number, but another guy who also works there asked and she gave it to him! Now I'm here wallowing in regret! Af...
A. 10 August 2008: I don't think it's a great idea that you tell her straight up that you think she's gorgeous.
It's ifs and buts but what happens if she doesn't feel the same? It will make thinks awkward for her and she probably won't go near you when she is next ... (read in full...)
Did I lose out for all time on the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life?
Q. Awwwwww, I totally missed out today! At my job this insanely hot girl who kept smiling at me came into the store and I didn't ask for her number, but another guy who also works there asked and she gave it to him! Now I'm here wallowing in regret! Af...
A. 10 August 2008: Firsty...Solidus? Why not Solid Snake..? :P Secondly, just go for it if she comes around again. I know how you feel...I missed out on a girl I really liked at work who moved away. It then later transpired that she fancied me as well...I was so ... (read in full...)
Why do I hate sex?
Q. I am so ashamed of this issue I have with sex that it ruins every relationship i have. I love being with the person doing things with him but i hate sex it makes me feel sick and i always want to cry. I love the idea of having sex then when we start ...
A. 9 August 2008: Why do you feel sick? Is it the thought of someone seeing you naked or just the physical activity?
I don't think it's unusual to hate sex per se -- everyone loves the idea of mind-blowing, amazing sex -- especially young teens who think that the... (read in full...)
I'm scared about sex - I just feel so exposed!
Q. Hi there. I'm a virgin and am in a relationship with my boyfriend of 6 months, who isn't (and who's pretty experienced). I've watched a fair amount of pornography and read a lot about sex, so I'm pretty clued-up about it. But.. I'm really nervo...
A. 9 August 2008: If you're scared of sex it means you're not ready.
Why would you be scared if you were going to make love to someone you love and trust?
Answer, you wouldn't.
Sure, everyone is nervous or aprehensive about their first time -- I was -- b... (read in full...)
I get pre-ejaculation when we are just hanging out or talking - can I control this?
Q. Hey Guys! Uhm I have a question.. Well I had my other one answered but its not solved.. So me and my girlfriend had sex and its great and all but like I said, what I hate is that sometimes when were just talking or just hanging out doing nothing ...
A. 8 August 2008: Don't worry -- premature ejaculation is a common condition in men.
In most cases it goes away in time once you become you more used to sexual activity or intimacy. Once it's gone it is usually gone for good. It is slightly unusual -- though n... (read in full...)
Would "naughty" pictures be on a reconditioned laptop??
Q. i have recently just found out my bf was using adult friend finder, i am naturally angry. our relationship is destroyed over it. i also searched the hard-drive for pictures.. the usual pics came up of friends and then there were naked pics in jpeg ...
A. 6 August 2008: Who wouldn't be insecure and angry to see their partner looking at adult friend finder when they already have a partner? You have every right to be upset.
The anon reader is right...he may not have "cheated" on you...but he does sound shifty. ... (read in full...)
Would "naughty" pictures be on a reconditioned laptop??
Q. i have recently just found out my bf was using adult friend finder, i am naturally angry. our relationship is destroyed over it. i also searched the hard-drive for pictures.. the usual pics came up of friends and then there were naked pics in jpeg ...
A. 6 August 2008: Hi....it's highly doubtful that a company would sell a laptop without formatting (erasing everything) the hard drive before it was sold -- re-conditoned or not.
Sorry, but I can't believe any company would sell any laptop with naked pictures... (read in full...)
What do you like women to do during sex?
Q. I have a question for the guys out there. What is it that you like for a woman to do during sex? I sometimes feel a little bit lost and not quite sure what I should do. Any suggestions would be most appreciated! Thank you....
A. 6 August 2008: You make sex sound like a one person show where it should be you who is doing things!
You should both be aiming to please each other. If a man is solely expecting you to please him or do things just for him then he is being unfair....you should h... (read in full...)
I'm 13 years old, going to have sex for the first time. What position is best?
Q. I am 13 and me and My And My Boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 months now and i no he wants too have sex and so do i but i am a virgin so he will be my first. i am really scared.! What position is best for the first time? Everyone says ...
A. 5 August 2008: You want to have sex because someone else told you to do so and will think that your frigid if you don't...?
Sex ain't a casual activity. You only 13.
Everyone here has given you great advice. Ignore it at your own risk.
XD... (read in full...)
Did I hurt his feelings, by telling him, that we both need to wait before having sex?
Q. Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for over a month now and we are very close. We can talk about anything without awkwardness or embarrassment. Just a few days ago however, we were at his house and his family was out. So we were kissing and getting ...
A. 5 August 2008: Course you did the right thing.
However, talking about sex after only going out with someone for a month is a little crazy. Whatever happened to getting to know each other first?
The general rule with losing your virginity is that the longer ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 years old, going to have sex for the first time. What position is best?
Q. I am 13 and me and My And My Boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 months now and i no he wants too have sex and so do i but i am a virgin so he will be my first. i am really scared.! What position is best for the first time? Everyone says ...
A. 5 August 2008: Whoa calm down there.
Are you sure sex is the right thing to do? You're only 13 for goodness sake. You're underage, and you have only been going out with your boyfriend for 3 months....what happened to getting to know each other first?
We obvi... (read in full...)
I feel I'm going mad ~ scared I'll get into trouble with the law for texting. I have never broken the law, but he did!
Q. This time last year my ex partner and i split up. we had lived together almost 6 years but before i met him i owned my own terrace house, no mortgage - silly me sold it and put the money into the joint house. He met someone else and systematical...
A. 4 August 2008: Again, I can only go on what you have written; but sex, when you have asked someone to stop -- so non-consensual -- is rape. It doesn't matter if it is violent or abusive; or whether someone is crying and helpless...it is still rape.
Does ... (read in full...)
Why am I acting like a complete idiot?
Q. I seriously need help. I have never been like this. This guy that I like, is in the same circle of friends that I am. I cannot for the life of me have an intelligent conversation with him and I've always been able to in the past. What's worse ...
A. 4 August 2008: good :)
let us know how you get on... (read in full...)
Why am I acting like a complete idiot?
Q. I seriously need help. I have never been like this. This guy that I like, is in the same circle of friends that I am. I cannot for the life of me have an intelligent conversation with him and I've always been able to in the past. What's worse ...
A. 4 August 2008: You need to relax.
Everybody gets nervous or does silly things around someone they like or fancy. The anon reader is partially right; sometimes resorting to silly personalities means it may not be meant to be; but that doesn't mean you should g... (read in full...)
This guy I know online calls me 2-4 times a day! How do I get him to go away?
Q. Well there's this 17 year old guy who i've been regretably chatting to online, he lives local and is insanely obsessed with me! He knows my phone number and often rings (between 2 - 4 times per day) but i never answer as i don't want to encourage ...
A. 4 August 2008: Block him on MSN (so he can't see you online or message you.) Get your mates to do the same. Above all, ignore him. Get your mates to ignore him. Phone, e-mail; whatever it is, completely blank him and don't respond.
Don't be afraid to involve ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm going mad ~ scared I'll get into trouble with the law for texting. I have never broken the law, but he did!
Q. This time last year my ex partner and i split up. we had lived together almost 6 years but before i met him i owned my own terrace house, no mortgage - silly me sold it and put the money into the joint house. He met someone else and systematical...
A. 4 August 2008: Did you not think about reporting him to the police for forcing himself on you?
Now I am just going on what you have written, but him "forcing" himself on you is classed as sexual assualt, and if it is in any way penetrative then it is clearly ... (read in full...)
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