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Been away from the site for a while...but I felt like jumping back in. Hopefully my advice now is more helpful than it was a year ago! PM's, friend requests are all welcome.
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| Latest articles: Points to ponder on advise against teenage sex
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2009: Out of curiosity, I was recently browsing through the advice I had given in the past 9 odd months I've been on this website. What struck me is how much "stern" I seem to be when giving advice to teenagers under 18 about sex. I frequently adv...
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Why does my boyfriend struggle to get an erection? Is he impotent? Should he see a doctor?
Q. Hi there, im abit worried about my boyfriend. He finds it very hard to get or keep an erection. He was a virgin before we got together so at first i thought it might be down to nerves, but we have been together a year now so i know that its no...
A. 3 November 2008: "struggles to get an erection" You say he's not nervous, but actually that statement implies that he is...it could be stress, if he tries to get an erection but still can't, then he is going to become a little stressed, which won't make it an... (read in full...)
Does everything happen for a reason?
Q. Does everything happen for a reason?...
A. 3 November 2008: I'm in a philosophical mood.....the answer is yes.
There has to be a reason for everything. Nothing happens out of spontaneity -- and even if it does, there must be a reason for it.
People will differ as to what the reason is...... (read in full...)
He only contacts me when he needs something, but I love him.
Q. Does my guy have psychopathic behaviour?? I am keeping in touch with a guy who I love very much and would do anything for - but the problem is he only contacts when he needs me for something! I love him dearly but I find him quite unfeeling ...
A. 3 November 2008: icelordess is right.
Why are you so attracted to him if you find him cold? Or is it solely based on his physical appearance as to why you are deeply attracted to him? Or maybe you are attracted to his coldness?
But either way, do y... (read in full...)
He has asked me for a BJ. I am afraid if I say no that he will think I don't like him anymore
Q. i have never given a bowjob and i am scared that i will do t wrong and my boyfriens has asked me to give him and i am scared if i say no he think i dnt like him any more what do u thnk i should do ?...
A. 30 October 2008: Hey there
MaggieMay is totally right. Giving sexual acts to someone does not prove anything...least of all whether you "like him."
You should say that you are not ready...because you clearly don't sound ready. And if he accuses you of n... (read in full...)
How long should you wait before you tell someone you love them?
Q. hello, i just have a question really as you know i havestarted seeing a lad 1 year and 37 days younger than me. my question is how long in peoples opinion should you wait before you tell someone you love them? please give me some advice on ...
A. 18 September 2008: I don't think there is a set time -- you do it when you feel ready.
You're still young, so you have to be sure that the person you're telling it to understands that you *love* them...and that they won't interpret it as a casual "I love you!" th... (read in full...)
I don't know if he sees me as a friend or more - when a prettier girls comes he is distracted... What to do?
Q. I like this guy that works at my job...and I'm confused if he likes me or not....we laugh and joke around a lot....and I feel like I've tried everything to get noticed....I don't know if he just sees me as a friend or maybe more....but the problem ...
A. 18 September 2008: You should keep him as a friend if that's his attitude.
"feel like I've tried everything to get noticed"
...if you're still not getting his attention when a prettier girl comes around then I don't think you ever are.
But doesn't it show t... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my dad? He keeps forgetting things and I'm really worried about him, please help!
Q. My dad has trouble remembering things. For instance, I'm supposed to get him up at 5:30am Tues-Fri....But when i got him up today, he said he'd be upstairs in a minute. Ok, so i waited..he never came up. When i got back from my taekwondo class, he s...
A. 18 September 2008: I am sorry to hear about losing your mother.
Well if he broke his finger and now is having issues with drink then you need to tell someone else about it if he does not listen to you.
Where is your step-mum -- is she aware of his problems as ... (read in full...)
Is he just not into me? How can I get him to open up and feel more comfortable around me?
Q. I'm really confused. My boyfriend is really frigid. He wont kiss me unless I ask, he refuses to have sex with me and I'm always the one that hangs up last, or suggests sex, or makes the first move in anything. I've tried asking him why this is the ...
A. 17 September 2008: Either he is extremely shy or introverted...
...or maybe you should go and seek someone who actually deserves you and treats you how you deserve to be treated and who isn't "tired" all the time.
"refuses to have sex with me"
If that's the c... (read in full...)
Will he judge me for being a 28 yr old virgin?
Q. I'm a 28 year old virgin, I've just started seeing a new guy but I am worried that he will judge me and will find it weird. ...
A. 17 September 2008: Well if he has anything about him...no he won't find it weird; he'll respect you even more and will hopefully take the lead for you ensuring that if you do have sex with him it will be a pleasurable experience for you.
I won't lie and say that all... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my dad? He keeps forgetting things and I'm really worried about him, please help!
Q. My dad has trouble remembering things. For instance, I'm supposed to get him up at 5:30am Tues-Fri....But when i got him up today, he said he'd be upstairs in a minute. Ok, so i waited..he never came up. When i got back from my taekwondo class, he s...
A. 17 September 2008: You're the same person who posted about your dad breaking his finger...
Either you're having a wind up with these questions; you care too much for your dad and are looking into things far too much; or maybe he does have a problem.
Try to convin... (read in full...)
I'm just so insecure. I feel like I'm competing with her, and it's driving me crazy!
Q. Am I being completely irrational in feeling inadequate? Here's some background. I've been dating this guy for 4-5 months. Prior to dating him, I'd known him for two years. We were pretty good friends and he told me a lot about his personal...
A. 17 September 2008: He probably told you about his personal life because he was getting close to you...men sharing details about their personal life is, well, personal, and it shows he trusted you.
The problem for you is now that you two have got together you find... (read in full...)
I'm making it obvious....but does my shy guy like me back??
Q. Hope you can help me on this situation! I started college about 2 weeks ago, and instantly found myself liking this guy in one of my classes. I never talked to him at first as i was too shy to do so, but recently i've began to talk to him - I tend t...
A. 17 September 2008: Well, men usually get nervous around girls -- even more so around a girl they like...and they get even more nervous when that girl is with their friends.
Men don't usually get nervous or feel uncomfortable around a girl that they know fancies ... (read in full...)
He was such a gentleman, so charming! But since he flew out of town, I haven't heard from him at all! I'm clueless! Men, what is your opinion?
Q. I was seeing a very gentlemanly, charming man for a little over a month. Every time we were together his charming ways would shine through more and more. I don’t even think he realized how charming he was being. He would say the sweetest things ...
A. 17 September 2008: Where did he go, what was he doing? Was it work related or family related etc?
When did he decide to go on this trip -- was it something he just told you about out of the blue or something you were aware of from the start?
To be frank there c... (read in full...)
I don't want to go out with him anymore, but I'm afraid he'll do something bad to himslef.
Q. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. He is 14 and smokes about 15 cigarettes a day. His dad is an alcholic and beats him reguarly. Every time I see him he has more bruises. He has also tried to commit suicide by taking overdoses. But him an...
A. 17 September 2008: Well either you've made an age mix up or you're seriously warped.
I'll assume it's the first.
Dazzerg is right, but some things I would add is that you cannot be responsible for his or his fathers actions; as terrible as they are. You don't w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pouts, holds on to tiny arguments and gives me the silent treatment for hours! What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend pouts. He give the silent treatment and will hold on to TINY arguments for hours. If I say the wrong word he completely gets bent out of shape and gives me the silent treatment. I can be sarcastic at times, as well as him. If he is ...
A. 17 September 2008: Why are you still with him?
Wow, if I had a girlfriend who was "model material" I'd be well chuffed.
Go and find someone more deserving of you...... (read in full...)
I'm sure she's playing games with me. Does this mean she is interested? How do you play mind games with a woman?
Q. How do you play along to mind games with a woman? I've browsed this site and have seen that women like playing games and now I want to do the same on this girl who I'm pretty sure is playing games on me. I really like her, and sometimes s...
A. 16 September 2008: Answer; you don't.
A woman will always murder you at mind games.
"I can feel something between us"
Is that a bit of wishful thinking on your part....?
I'd move on if I were you...... (read in full...)
Our sex life is great it's just that he is wanting to do it always, is this a normal guy thing?
Q. hey everyone just need some advice... i recently gave away my virginty to a person that i am with.. we both love each other and i felt it he was the right guy... anyway the issue however is the fact that he is alwaysss on it... our sex life is great ...
A. 16 September 2008: It's definitely a man thing.
How long have you been going out? Usually you always have sex a lot early in a relationship....then it just evens off and goes more to a "normal" level after a period of time.
However, he has to respect your wis... (read in full...)
I am worried how my being overweight will affect my relationships in the future. What can I do to increase my chances?
Q. I have posted questions previously about how I worry about how my appearance will affect my relationships in the future. Quick reminder - I am nineteen years old, six foot dark hair blue eyes. My close female friends say I'm sweet and kind and lov...
A. 16 September 2008: Howdy
First, good luck going to Uni.
Secondly, I would recommend that you socialise as much as possible with people at Uni; be they your flatmates (if applicable) or people on your course.
If you have a bit of trouble communicating wi... (read in full...)
Are all 21 year old guys this careless about there finances?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years is very and I mean very bad at keeping his finances in order. He's 21 years old and he has collection agencys calling him every day. he gets numerous letters in an atemt to collect debt, and his checking account is like ...
A. 16 September 2008: I'm 21 and I'm not careless with my finances and have a good sum of money in the bank...but then I'm really tight with money.
Perhaps you should put your foot down with him and tell him your concerns -- not just because you want him to treat yo... (read in full...)
I really love gothic, black metal music. Does everyone go through this phase?
Q. i am a gothik girl but don't wear a lot of black.. but love the music.. black metal .. death metal..because of the state of war i lived in... anyways,i just wanted to ask if this a normal phase?i mean does everyone get threw with it?because it is ...
A. 16 September 2008: Don't worry about it.
I've been through so many musical phases it's untrue. I'm currently going through a vocal trance period.
But whether yours is a phase or something you enjoy until the day you die; so what?
It's only music. Jamer is rig... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is scared of intimacy, he stops in the middle and goes to the bathroom to masturbate. How to get him to behave like a man?
Q. I'm at my wits end. Please help me. My boyfriend, who I've been with for 9 months, is very caring and we get on really well together. We spend a lot of our free time together and I would say that I'm definitely in love with him. The problem is that ...
A. 15 September 2008: "scared little boy"
That sounds harsh. You should really be encouraging him to overcome this issue. I don't know all the details and it might well be he is acting childish; but it sounds a bit more serious...after all pretty much every lad woul... (read in full...)
Why wont my dad listen to me?
Q. My dad broke his finger...weeks ago. Its still broken, but he wont see anyone about it. Why? He says not much can be done, but i keep telling him he needs to do something about it....still wont, Why?...
A. 15 September 2008: lexilou, pack it in :P
We are dying when we have a cold...
Don't worry about. lex is right, men don't like don't going the doctor or hospital. He is right though, nothing really can be done except keeping it strapped tight.
I'm sure if it ... (read in full...)
She hasn't spoken to me or returned any of my calls since she found the porn mag!! What can I do?
Q. My girlfriend is an ardent feminist who strongly advocates that all women should be totally independent, financially and otherwise. I agree with her but difficulties have arisen lately. Two weeks ago, she found a Playboy magazine in my room and went ...
A. 15 September 2008: Well you need to give her time to calm down.
However, if she is not going to accept that you like looking/watching at pornography -- be it Playboy or hardcore videos -- and flies into a rage every time then your relationship isn't going to work ... (read in full...)
How do you know if a person is just being friendly or if they want to be friends?
Q. I have come to the realisation that I dont have any true friends. All my friends pretty much treat me like dirt (emotionally abusive, use me, manipulate me, lie to me etc...) and ive finally had a enough of it and am giving up on them. Some of these ...
A. 15 September 2008: "always comes and sits with me and talks a lot to me"
It sounds like she is already your friend! Why don't you just tag along with her. You don't make friends with someone by saying "do you want to be my friend?" you just tag along with people. ... (read in full...)
His family doesn't like me so what should we do?
Q. Okay I'm bi and there's this boy I like. We're pretty good friends, and I know he likes me. My mom has no problem with it, but his mom and his sister do. Another problem is there's a bit of an age difference between me and him. I'm 16 and he's ...
A. 14 September 2008: You have to back off here.
You can understand his mum and sister freaking out can't you? He's only 13 and I'm pretty sure that they can't believe he is gay at such a young age.
At 16 they may be able to accept it; but if I had a 13 year old ki... (read in full...)
Do I need to wait for more signals that he's interested or should I just go for it?
Q. So there is this guy im somewhat intrested in..we met at school and we instantly clicked however we are just friends. We always talk at school and even hang afterschool 2 study sometimes..we text eachother back and forth almost..well pretty much ...
A. 14 September 2008: "we always talk at school"
"hang out after school"
"text each other every day"
"the way he looks into my eyes"
Maybe it's just me but it sounds pretty obvious to me that he likes you!
If you can hold a gaze at each other that long that it... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before I meet this girl I met online?
Q. About three months ago i met this girl online in a chat room we really hit it off. I really liked her the first time we talked. The thing is we live far away from each other. im trying to decide how long i should wait before i decide to meet her. We ...
A. 13 September 2008: I normally caution meeting people you meet online.
However, seen as you say that you know she is real and you've talked via webcam and you're 1000% sure she is the person who she says she is then really it's up to you.
Meet her when you feel re... (read in full...)
Planning an evening out for my birthday - would it do any harm to go to the bar "he" frequents? This will make it clearer that I like him.
Q. I need abit of advice with small problem. Well there's this bloke who i know and well we do flirt and he has told me where he goes for a drink well we don't get to spend much time together because he's working a lot well a friend of mine said well...
A. 13 September 2008: Personally, I wouldn't. It will mean your birthday will be hampered by your fixation of this guy; there's a danger you will focus too much on trying to talk to this guy rather than focusing on enjoying your birthday!
And anyway, if it's your bir... (read in full...)
My friend's a bit of a player so how do I not become a temptation to him?
Q. This seems to be a theme but I feel like I've lost my mind. I'm finally away from home and have gotten involved at the uni. I've befriended many of my band members. And then there's M. M is a year older than I am and is a huge flirt, with ever...
A. 13 September 2008: Well if he has good flirting skills you may just get taken in without realising it ;-)
... (read in full...)
Can I be pregnant if he didn't cum inside of me?
Q. had sex last night the 12 of september he didnt use condom but he didnt cum into my pusssy could i be still pregnant? please help thank you...
A. 13 September 2008: Yes you can still be pregnant.
Take a test.
Do you know if he had any infections or diseases? I suggest you go the doctor for test to make sure you are free of infections.
And use a condom in future!!... (read in full...)
How can I meet a girl at a t a club?
Q. i'm goin clubbing tomorrow night. All my friends always get girls etc. How can i also find a girl have some fun? Any tips. Any experiences you lot had? Good? bad?...
A. 13 September 2008: What sort of "fun" are you after here? Just some ego boosting flirting...or trying to get full on sex?
If it's the latter I suggest you don't go for that option for reasons which should be common sense.
However, there is no reason why you c... (read in full...)
Met him online and am starting to fall for him, but there's a 23 year age gap!
Q. Actually I have this problem about age gap. We met only at chat room and we have very similar hobbies and interest. And we find that endearing. Here's the problem we are 23 years apart. That's my big problem. For me its ok if my guy is 5-15 years ...
A. 13 September 2008: I'm assuming this chat room is one aimed at teens/people in early 20's and that you haven't met him yet; but to me I think it's dubious that a man 23 years older than you is in a chat room. Surely it's just those teens and people in their early ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my married boss!
Q. Please help! I am in love with my married ex-boss. He owns a dental practice group. Last summer, I started working for him as a receptionist. After mild flirting with each other for a few months, we had an affair. I quit working for him after ...
A. 13 September 2008: Oh dear Lord what a mess!
Well, I'm always for honesty, and everyone need to know what is going here.
His wife needs to know he had an affair; he sure needs to know you're pregnant with his child...and so does his wife.
It's not fair on her ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend turns off her phone when she goes clubbing with her friends. Should I be worried?
Q. This is a question for the girls... My g/f likes to go out clubbing with friends. When she does she usually sends me a text message saying that she'll not be home until the morning. Not a problem, but then she switches off her phone... and tha...
A. 13 September 2008: I think you are being paranoid.
Maybe she doesn't want to run out of battery in case of an emergency; maybe she doesn't want to accidentally call someone when her phone is in her pocket/bag or whatever.
Why does it drive you nuts? Don't you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 years has responded to multiple ads on Craigslist looking for no strings sex! This is so out of character, what do I do?
Q. I have clam down quite a bit, and now I am trying to put every thing in to perspective. What should be my next step ? I have just came home, and wanted to cheek my email. When I open hotmail it seem like my boyfriend was still singed in . He come ...
A. 13 September 2008: Confront him.
He shouldn't be responding to ads on Craigslist; you shouldn't have looked at his e-mails.
No-one can then take the moral high ground.
Take care... (read in full...)
We've been dating six months and he's never hugged or kissed me or even held hands!
Q. hiia i need help my boy friend doesnt seem interested in me we've been dating for 6 months and not once has he either kissed me, huggd and not even held hands , its soo annoying can you help please ? ...
A. 13 September 2008: Umm, 26-29...your grammar is pretty poor if you are that age...
Anyway, talk to him. I would want to hold hands with my partner after 6 months.
Hugging and kissing are essential things early in a relationship in my view.
Why don't you g... (read in full...)
Please help me, my marriage is falling apart.
Q. My husband and I have known eachother for several years. We have been married about 2. We are busy people and tend to not have sex a lot of the time. Truthfully its gotten boring and he spends more time watching porn (and hiding it from me), then ...
A. 13 September 2008: What do *you* want to do?
You're doing the right thing trying to get him healthy and trying to get him to work out; but if he keeps ignoring you then there is only so many times you can try before you should give up.
"I just don't feel attra... (read in full...)
It hurts when I'm poked!
Q. Hey ive been wid ma bf 4 nearly a month and it really hurts when he pokes me. what does this mean? wht can i do so it dosent. im not a virgin or nothing but i need some advice...
A. 13 September 2008: It means stop.
You're 13-15 and not a virgin and you're wondering why it hurts...? Sex after only a month going out...?
You can start by stop having sex. That will stop the pain.
Your body isn't developed for sex by a long way yet, which is... (read in full...)
It's not the size but how you use it that counts. Or is it?
Q. Ok then, so how are we supposed to use it? We men always keep hearing this whenever we ask for a straightforward question when asked about size. It seems women are afraid to burst bubbles/feelings - this immense beating around the bush more than a...
A. 13 September 2008: This question is irrelevant.
If you're going to have sex with a woman who is concerned about your penis length then she is not the woman for you.
In a relationship most women don't care about your penis length -- because sex within a relatio... (read in full...)
I'm falling for my boss, but I don't want to!! Any suggestions on how to get over him?
Q. i've been working with my manager for 18 months now...and i've just realised i've fallen for him. At first i didn't like him he was blunt and ill tempered with me, but as time went on we started talking more and i relaised he has an amazing ...
A. 13 September 2008: Hi there
Well I think most people have worked with someone who they have had an attraction to -- good to hear that you will never make a move on him -- that helps us provide you with better advice.
Don't worry about graphic dreams; I've had... (read in full...)
My friend's a bit of a player so how do I not become a temptation to him?
Q. This seems to be a theme but I feel like I've lost my mind. I'm finally away from home and have gotten involved at the uni. I've befriended many of my band members. And then there's M. M is a year older than I am and is a huge flirt, with ever...
A. 12 September 2008: Uh oh...lose the crush pronto or you'll be next!
Yep, he's a player alright.
"2) Last year, M had a fling (although a very serious one) with another one of my friends, who is (and was at the time) engaged."
You shouldn't really be aski... (read in full...)
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