A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My name is Emy, im 14 and I'm from Cardiff in Wales.This isn't your usual question.My family is pretty messed up, and I feel I get the hardest time when I haven't done anything wrong. My mother had an affair with her sisters husband which I think lasted a few months. When my mum told my dad she was pregnant he said he didn't want anything to do with me and I 'Wasn't his problem'. I don't think he realises how this makes me feel, and the openess in how she says it makes me sad.My mother brought me up in Wales whereas the rest of our family live in Scottland. Up untill I was 7, I didn't realise you needed both a father and a mother to be produced and one day in the school playground my friend asked me "What's your dads name?" "I don't have one" "Everyone has a dad". That night my mum told me she thought my dads name was peter. "peter who?" "I dont know" "You must?" Then she said his second name. And I automatically registered him as my uncle, she also told me who I thought were my cousins were really my half brothers and sisters. I told my half sister the next time I spoke to her and she must have asked our dad, but he denied it. My mum has never spoke much about it unless I question her and she's had different stories such as a one night forced thing or that she thought they were in love. My dad has made no effort with me whatsoever, he sends very little money but that's not what I want. What hurts the most is that he has never wished me a happy birthday, a merry christmas, any present whatsoever. He doesn't call me his daughter. The most conversation we've ever had is a car journey home with him firing questions at me. I am an only child in my opinion as the others have no idea and I feel I am alone and can't talk to anyone.I was thinking, should I have a discussion about this with my father? Should I keep in contact with him? Do my half siblings deserve to know? I have cried myself to sleep so many times over 'missing out' and I am also crying now. My mother frequently tells me when I'm 16 she will move back to Scottland and as I don't want to go, shewill leave me by myself. Coming from a woman that used to hit me, pull my hair, gave me a permanent scar, threw me round by my hair and once even put metal nails through my ankles. She should stick my me. I think it's the least she should do.Please respond.
View related questions:
affair, christmas, cousin, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Hello Emy,
Your basic situation is not uncommon -- many children are born with the dad not wanting to know; hence why you see many women (usually young) in the street pushing prams with the dad nowhere to be seen. So you're not alone.
So it easy to feel helpless or powerless and feel as if you get the hardest time; or feel like you don't feel wanted.
But you have done nothing wrong!! You should NOT be getting a hard time from your parents here.
You are right to say that you mum should be sticking by you; but the harsh reality is that some people don't do what is right; and have no regard for other people.
Personally speaking, you would be better off without your parents. If your mum has abused you in the way you say, I wouldn't want to be around her. Add to the fact that she had a relationship with her sisters husband; it paints a grim picture of your mum.
Your dads behaviour is even worse.
I would not want to be around these people.
I know that you want your dad to acknowledge you and love you; but if after 14 years his attitude still hasn't changed, I don't think it will change anytime soon.
Chris says that your parents may care for you more than you think, but to be honest I don't see that here.
Your mum may have raised you, but from what you write she has done it poorly -- right from the moment of conception up until the threat of leaving you.
Of course, you're still young and you still rely upon your parents to a certain extent, so the situation is complicated even more.
You need to seek advice from professional child support services. Think about contacting ChildLine:
http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/default.aspx
0800 1111
I would agree that maybe talk to a female teacher at school who you trust as well; you say your family live in Scotland so they may look like a lost cause, but is there no-one in your family who can talk to at all?
Of course we on DearCupid are here to give you support and words of encouragement; but please seek help from adults you trust who are around you; and please contact ChildLine.
Take care
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): You haven't had such a good time have you?
And thats an under statement.
To make it clear, what you said at the bottom is abuse. Its not right, and its not legal. You could go to the police about it, but then you'd be seperated from your mother. I don't think I would be able to succeed in you doing this even if I tried.
There are thousands and thousands of kids out there that are going through exactly what your going through. Some kids dads have died. Some have just left them. Some have lost their mothers. And some, like you, never knew their father because they left before they were born.
Thats not gonna make u feel any better, but thats just to let u know ur not alone. Its just a fact of life, and kids are also crying themselves to sleep every night about it.
And people have also got through it, out the other side into happiness.
The more u talk and communicate with your father, the further you'll go. I think it would be nice if your half siblings knew but, its not a matter of deserving to know, and I think you should consider the consequences if its gonna cause problems.
But I think you have the right to know your family.
I'm not an adult, but I know how you feel. My mum told me that I was the worse thing that ever happened to her. But that was only once, and she apologized after. But that hurt me a lil bit, it made me feel unloved. You've got so much more going on.
I think you should talk to another adult about this...is there a teacher that you can talk to or possibly talk to the Samaritans - search Samaritains via google and they'll have their website there. You could also go on the 'there 4 me' website and talk to adults there.
There are people you can talk to, us for one, and people on things I've just given you. I know it doesn't cover the fact your parents seem not to love you, but I'm sure that they do care for you, possibly more than you think.
I can see you yelling at your screen now going "ha, fuck that"
I think you should talk to adults. What made me cry myself to sleep before was not knowing what to do about the pain I was going through. If you have some kind of plan and know what your doing, setting yourself targets and rewards then you can get through it. No my issue was not related to you, but it can fit into anything.
We're all here for you, sorry its long, but we are all here to support you.
Chris,,
...............................
A
female
reader, Vanessa1983 +, writes (27 August 2008):
 I think you should def speak to your farthe, even if he doesn want to accept responsibility for you he should have the decency to give you the time to let you know abit about your history.
Further as for your mother, you need a parent, but from the way she behaves it sounds like staying with her would be worse for you. Write some more and i'll write back to you, sorry I was browsing the net before heading out so will come back to you as soon as xxx
...............................
|
