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Are men intimidated by me? How can I avoid these situations without changing who I am or what I'm doing?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 August 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 August 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, *weetnsour027 writes:

So, I am a young, attractive (so I've heard) single women. I am also in college, pursuing what some may say is a man's career (engineering).

My problem is that sometimes I feel that I don't get appraoched by men as often as I'd like when at bars, school and what not. I also date men sometimes that may or may not have their "head on their shoulders". Then when they find out I am in school and living on my own, etc. things just never work out. I've overheard or others have told me that sometimes guys may say, in reference to me, "She must have a boyfriend."

Does this all seem plausible? I mean, is it possible that men may not pursue a female because they feel they aren't or won't be good enough for her? Is it possible that men won't approach a female because they figure she ought to have a significant other? If so, how can I avoid these situations without changing who I am or what I'm doing? I don't mean to come off as conceited, when it comes to my looks and/or intelligence. Maybe I'm just not meeting the right men...

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (25 August 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntCertainly, if I think you are in a relationship of course I won't approach you. No decent guy would. Even the bad boys will stay away from a girl who is obviously happy with her guy, after all she would never say yes.

Some women, some men to for that matter, have an aura that says "I am not looking" so people don't look. Am I right in presuming you are not a natural flirt? That you are comfortable aroung guys?

As for intimidated, it could be. When you approach a woman you are putting in a certain amount of energy, you got to have at least an idea that there is chance that energy is rewarded. If you think there is no chance, you don't take it and go for a girl you do think you have a chance with. It ain't the fat girls who end up alone on new years eve.

Since you do date, presumably the men in your vicinity know this and just think you are already taken.

It might be time for you to make your move instead. Flirt with the guys you want to flirt with you. Let them know you are available and intrested.

As for meeting the right men, well that is up to you to decide what the right type is and then go out and find it.

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A male reader, saltwater United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2008):

saltwater agony auntWow, you study engineering and live on your own...hell, I'll go out with you ;-)

Seriously though, if you are attractive then men automatically assume that you will have a boyfriend and won't approach you (it's how we men think.)

The result is that hardly any men approach you because they think you are already taken. You need to instigate things with a man yourself. If you're attractive as you say you are then you may be waiting a long time for a man to approach you.

So instead, find a man you like and approach him yourself.

XD

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