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My boyfriend of 3 years has responded to multiple ads on Craigslist looking for no strings sex! This is so out of character, what do I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 September 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2013)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have clam down quite a bit, and now I am trying to put every thing in to perspective. What should be my next step ? I have just came home, and wanted to cheek my email. When I open hotmail it seem like my boyfriend was still singed in . He come over yesterday and was checking his mail. Anyways I was about log off when i saw email titled : simple horny in his sent files . It was nothing special seem like an emil he was writing to his friend about his day . However, it was a Craig list email. So looked on there was more but addressed to others on Craig list .

Emails:

Email 1: provocative roberta - w4m

August 6, 2008 2:07:19 PM

Hey 22 m....looking for sex only.

6,1

200lbs

athletic

brown hair

blue eyes

Email 2: i want daddy to teach me a leason - w4m – 21

August 5, 2008 2:25:20 PM

Hey Sexy,

I will tie you down and spank your ass red and punish you for being so bad. Will gag you with my cock, bite ur nipples and make you scream.....and that is just the beginning......

Email 3: Re hot and sexy latina - w4m

August 5, 2008 12:48:10 PM

Hey,

Looking for a hot and sexy latina. I'm 21 m 6,1 athletic brown hair blue eyes.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Email 4: Monday night romp - w4m - 24 (Downtown)

August 4, 2008 9:47:03 PM

Hey,

Let me know if your still intrested.

Email 5: rosa - w4m

August 4, 2008 9:43:10 PM

Hi Rosa,

Responding to your ad on Craigslist. Im Alex 22 6,1 205lbs brown hair blue eyes. looking for the same sex with no strings. Let me know if you are still intrested.

Thanks,

Alex

Email 6: a one time thing - w4m - 22 (bramalea)

August 4, 2008 9:27:31 PM

Hey,

Let me know if you are still intrested for tonight, or tomorrow. Im 21 average 6,1 brown hair blue eyes.

Alex

what the hell !! I was shock and could not believe it . This is a guy who never forgets to tell u he loves u, always there when your unset and sad . When every he wrong he a quick to apologies and make up for it. Where going on three years now which, pretty long considering its my first relationship , just don’t no what to do with all this info now.

any suggestions ?

View related questions: horny, nipples

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013):

I know this happened many years ago.

But this is important information for women out there who are googling the same thing I just did. I'm going to try to keep it brief and you can message me if you want to chat more. First step, check his history. If he's deleting it, bad.

Check it every day.

He may forget to delete that one time, like mine did. Yahoo, click, email address checked. History just gave me an ID I had never seen. Login, using ID, then good luck. Mine actually used the same password as on everything. So, I logged in first try and saw the response to a Yahoo strictly platonic ad.

I was overwhelmed with sadness, but never said anything. Few months later, he is out of town. I posted a strictly platonic ad in the city he was going to and guess what? He actually replied (Used own name with secret email account..by the way, anyone can make up any and as many as they want email accounts..).

We talked for hours and exchanged pics. He sent me (the craigslist local girl who was bored) his pic.

It was the same that he had sent me (the fiance/wife the first time we met), at home with four kids and working..

To make things crazier, I was on the phone with him while he was messaging me too (the fake CL ad girl who was bored).

I died inside.

Wished I could think of an excuse, a reason. I love him so and now it is over, because of him.

A few days ago, my world was awesome, now it is unknown in a blink...

Anyway, my advice..if you get that weird feeling ( I hadn't in 2 years but did all the sudden), pursue it.

It is important to know now and maybe you will be lucky and find nothing. But don't be stupid. During my undercover time, only to try to trick him, there were hundreds of married men just looking for a spark..disgusting and I'm not sure if I'm glad to even know that. All I can say, is I was right.

Was hoping not to be. Now my life is over but for the sake of my kids, I have to find a way to do this. Good luck and maybe this will help someone else who is afraid or making up excuses to take the step. Even I don't know where I'm going but I do know my kids will be safe and loved and I will probably cry every night. I will pray also and if you are reading this, pray hard. You are worth more. Life is short, don't regret your choices.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011):

Uhhh I know you wrote this a long time ago, but this thread hits deep and I thought you should have another GOOD opinion, opposit of the last one.

My boyfriend of 2 years did the same thing to me LAST WEEK, and he's exactly the same way, perfect in every way... but I found an email and I was done with him within the hour. People who read this and don't quite understand need to realize that it's not the fact that he was looking on craigslist (because there are people looking to get to know each other) or that he has flings or whatnot... he's a MAN. Men like sex. We get that. If he cheated on you with a girl at work or a girl he's friends with, that's more HUMAN and understandable, still terrible, AND still worth a BREAKUP.

However... this situation --- completely different. RANDOM SEX PARTNERS ONLINE is DISGUSTING. I told my ex if it had been with someone I would have KNOWN or he would have personally KNOWN then we might still be friends at least, but you should not associate with PERVERTS that look for random sex partners online. Go to a bar at least if you're going to do that and be a part of the regular sleaze that walks around these days trying to get laid. Girls and guys alike should be ASHAMED they're so PATHETIC they have to find sex online from random people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011):

Something similar happened to me:

Guy is perfect, wonderful, great friends and family...

Except every few months I find emails, texts, photos, or craigslist ads seeking anonymous sex or random flirting. And then the occasional trip or vacation without me..

I've been very forgiving but I DON'T TRUST HIM. In this case there isn't any "making up" he hardly admits anything is wrong and would never apologize. I have no idea if he has had sex with any of these people. I get pap and STD testing regularly. But I do know this - I can decide to trust him and forget all this BS and hope for the best OR I can be a psycho girlfriend who skips sleeping, hacks into email accounts, tries to guess phone passwords, and generally make myself sick (no thanks) OR I can break up with him. Personally I made a VERY big sacrifice to move and be with him so I'm not ready to give up. IT'S A PERSONAL CHOICE IF YOU CHOOSE TO FORGIVE AND STAY WITH SOMEONE. That's it. No right or wrong answers.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008):

It should not matter if you look at your partners emails, because there should not be anything there that they need to hide. It's always the cheaters that say..what were you doing looking through his emails? It is a GOOD thing she did because she found out what a FAKE and a CHEAT her boyfriend is. Yes it is sad that this happened, but if he was NOT cheating it would have been no big deal.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (13 September 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntYikes. If it was me, he'd be gone. Sorry, those aren't just flirty emails, he's hunting.

I know it must be unbelievable after 3 years to find he's a two-faced man. Maybe he does love you, but he can't do without sex outside the relationship? I'm so sorry.

Please get to the doctor's ASAP to make sure you're not infected with anything.

And yes, you shouldn't have looked at the emails, but you know something? You may have just done yourself a favor, not only from a health perspective (no STDs) but I expect you would have caught him at some point in the future.

I have worked with a few men who cheated on their wives regularly. They were handsome and charming and treated their wives very well. They just liked to chase other women on the side.

I hope you do what is best for you in the long run, and I hope you get some support to get through these next few rough days and weeks. Take care of yourself.

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A female reader, Sugarbuns Australia +, writes (13 September 2008):

Sugarbuns agony auntMy guess is, you don't know him as well as you think you do. He's got a dark side and one that can't be trusted. Beware.

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A male reader, saltwater United Kingdom +, writes (13 September 2008):

saltwater agony auntConfront him.

He shouldn't be responding to ads on Craigslist; you shouldn't have looked at his e-mails.

No-one can then take the moral high ground.

Take care

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