A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm like so in love with this guy right now and I like being in love but I feel sad sometimes like I can't be without him and when we are together everything is great but as soon as we part It makes me feel terrible why does it hurt so bad? Is love supposed make you feel the way that I feel right now? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat if he's not feeling the same exact way that I am? Or maybe he is but He doesn't want it to be known. Why does it take so long for a guy to admit,open up,and realize that They're in love? And why do they show you some of what they're feeling but then Push away or hide the rest? How can you let him know that its ok to open up and express without actually saying those words maybe there's a Way to give a hint or sign (I don't know) that can help.
A
male
reader, H2H +, writes (16 March 2008):
It only hurts because of how intensely you feel when you're together.
The early stage of deep love is always like that and nothing else compares to it. Maybe he is the one for you.
One of my best friends, after knowing him for over 12 years, has met the one for him. I was talking to her one day and she told me that all the guys before were just experiences to teach her what she doesn't want and prepare to be able to handle finding what she does want.
Focus on enjoying the times together. Accept the times apart as something that makes the sweetness of being together even sweeter.
What's meant to be will *be*, so forget the past and let go of fear. In this way you will encourage the blossoming of the kind of love asian tealeaf wrote about.
--H2H
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAww How sweet thank you Tealeaf :) and Nama.I dnt get to see him alot but we do talk alot the way our schedules are makes it hard for us to spend time Im in school and he works.I feel like no other man matters to me all I want is him We're not together :( or at least thats what I think I'll have to ask him where we stand w/out pushing him away I dnt want to do anything that might Make me lose him I hold on2 fears that my past relationships brought me and I try not to let them interfere.Its hard.
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reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 my dear, love can be tender, it can taste as sweet as the nectar in paradise, it can be as painful as an aching of the heart.... i am with a guy for almost 3 years, we have been inseperable from the day we met. i will tell u to give u an idea, of what love can be like. i was 28, he was 27. i walked into a bar, and he saw me. he approached me, ( he is an extremly confident man, very very sociable, and hot!) we started talking, i found out he was in town only for 3 days to do a job and go back to his town which was 5 hrs away from my town. i felt really sad and said, u know, i dont know y, but if u leave, i will be sad. and he said, u know, if i leave i will try to find a way to take u with me... well, the job fell thru,and he ended up staying in town and we almost started living together right away. when i left the bar, i was w friends, and i was like, oh i got to go! this was after 3-4 hrs in the bar. it was in the dead of winter and a blizzard was outside. as i was running to their car across the street, he ran out and yelled whats ur no.? his buddies who were all with him in the bar asked him when i left, did he get my no.? he said no.. they said do u like her? he said yes, theres something about that girl... he told me earlier he was looking for a permenant relationship, and so was i.
so his buddies, they said, well whqat are u waiting for? run out before shes gone and get her no. so he did, and he called me 1 and a half days later. i was surprised, because i had shouted my no. across the street, and he did notn have pen or paper. he remebered it. well, that same night before me, he had met another hot girl, she gave her no. on a paper to him. but after the first week of dating me, and he never called her, he threw her no. out. he said there was no reason to keep it, as he knew we were going to last. it turns out, i was the second girl ( after3 months of dating) that hes ever said the words i love u to. and when he told me, he cried. because he hates to throw that word around, and the other girl he said those words to, almost a yr after of dating her, he found out she cheated on him almost 1 month after they had dated. and he was devestated but forgave her. he has only cheated once on a girl and it was when he was in his late teens, he took her virginty and then felt bad after he cheated on her. he thought he had surely scarred her for life. so he swore hed never cheat on a girl ever again. and he never has. thus, we have been together for over 2 and half yrs, he has nothing to hide from me and we share passwords, for phones, pc, EVERYTHING. because he wanted me to know he has nothing to hide. when we are away from eachother, working, he will calll me many times throughout the day. its painful for him to be away from me. we now have A 1 yr old beautiful girl. and we plan to get married. we have literally never been apart from eachother. we have been thru everything together, we are teammates, lovers, bestfriends bf gf, husband and wife. soulmates. when we cuddle we breathe eachothers scent in. we even share toothbrushes because were so into eachother. lol. the first time i used his brush he was like, eeww, dont do that again. but than he felt remorseful, and he said, babe, u can use of mine whatever u want. and we do.
i dont think there is nothing in our lives, personal or otherwise, that we dont do together.we do everything together. and we love it. if i mentioned half of it, ud probably say were gross and freaks. but, love is just that. u dont see things as gross, or whatever. its love.
and we live for eachother. i know if anything ever happened to him, i could comfortably take care of our children, and never be with anyother guy. i could not because itd be like a prison senternce to me. i could not give my heart to a new guy. it would always be the man im with now, his face i see, his scent i breathe, his name on my lips... and he feels the same way about me. about us.
its nostalgia between us. we are in love. nothiongs changed since the day we had met. we love eachother even more, and it still feels like the way it did when we first met, the butterflies, the faintness in the chest. we choose not to be apart from eachother. he would rather be with me even then go with his buddies. even though i push him to. he gives me a pained look and says, are u trying to be rid of me? i say no, we both laigh and we just cuddle and hold eachother and our daughter between us. and he says afterall these years, its about me now. and the only regret we both have, is of spendin 27 and 28 yrs of our lives, with others and not having met when we were younger. turns out we were both born in toronto, and its funny how fate works and vrings 2 people together. i just wish id had met him when i was way younger. i was in an arranged marriage at 16. i was a virgin and thats the only other regret i carry. i wish id given to him. but thats the cards life dealt me. us. anyhow, theres nothing wrong with the way u feel. and, if its reciprocated by ur man, who cares what the world thinks. the world is ur oyster. so dive in and share its pearl with ur man. u know, even now when i look at my man, my eyes tear up, i get goosebumps when i stare at him across the room. i get chills..... yes. its almost scary. but these things happen to me. i have to turn my head so he wont see my eyes tearing. because i love him so. its so beautiful a feeling i cannot even describe to u. but im sure, u might just be able to relate. i hope, with my story, u have a better understanding. i hope, that i have hsred something intimate, something that u can relate to. and good luck sweety.
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reader, Namatjira  +, writes (15 March 2008):
It is okay to miss someone you love when you are apart from them, but when missing them, during normal parting for a few hours or a day or so, hurts as bad as you describe then it sounds more like infatuation than love.
Do not take offence. I am sure that the feelings you have are very real and powerful and that you are sincere. But it is common for infatuation and love to be confused. They are so closely related. I will try to explain.
Firstly, infatuation by its very intensity tends to be short lived and burn out. Much like a fire, the hotter it burns the quicker it will run out of fuel. It is often described as very intense short lived passion. Second, love can be described as a deep feeling of affection and romance. Like infatuation it is possible for love to have moments of intense passion, but it tends to burn slower and last longer and is combined with other characteristics.
The person who is infatuated feels very much their own feelings while the person in love will not only experience their own feelings but also be very tuned in to the feelings of the person they love. It is a subtle difference I know, but quite significant.
Now back to your situation. It is possible for infatuation to develop into full on romantic love, but it usually takes some self restraint and patience and an awareness that the two feelings while similar are different.
You should develop or use some techniques to relax and "chill out" when you are apart from him. Try to think of things for you both to do, or even for just him to do, that are fun or relaxing, or just interesting. When you feel this almost panic of being apart, breathe deeply, listen to a song you particularly like, go for a walk or vigourous exercise. It is really important that you maintain control of the intensity of your feelings otherwise you run the risk of smothering him and he may reach a point where all he wants to do is escape.
It may surprise you that as you get stronger in this, you will notice a small change in your feelings, they will not be less, just different. That is good, especially if with that small change you realise that you still feel strongly about him but no longer panic or feel overwhelmed when apart.
Do not get me wrong, when you are in love you do not want to be apart, but you can accept it and you tend to focus better on life in general rather than on how bad you feel.
I, along with so many others here, have felt what you feel now. You are not alone. Always feel able to ask questions to try and understand your feelings and reactions and we will help if we can.
Enjoy being young and having that special someone in your life that makes it all special.
All the best.
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