A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my man for 3 years and things are great we are getting married in a few months but recently i had it off my ex, help since we split 6 years ago we have remained good friends and now this what to do?
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female
reader, jenna34  +, writes (26 February 2008):
you confess because it's not fair to your fiance to get married under false pretenses. You work through it together if he can forgive you, because if you marry, you will end up telling him later when you get uncertain again and that will be a really bad situation. I agree that you are not ready and it is like a poison, why do it? I also agree it has nothing to do with them, you just aren't ready
A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (25 February 2008):
Marriage in three months? but just slept with your ex? hunny get real your not ready to get married!!! people lets not sugar coat it. What your doing to your fiance is not fair let him go and go get your wild side out of your system.
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (25 February 2008):
 well first of all you need to figure out why you cheated, do you really love your fiancee? if you did, then sleeping with an ex shouldnt have even crossed your mind. is there anything missing that you thought you may find with the ex? there has to be some sort of underlying problem for you to want to go into the arms of another man. if you do tell him, you need to be prepared for the fact that he may never want to see you again, and his trust could be lost forever. on the other hand, he might be able to forgive you, but thats a big maybe. if you dont tell him, you will get married have a happy life and go on with it, always having the worry in your mind that he might find out. so now its up to you which life you would like
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 There are always two sides to a coin.
You have two options.
1) Tell and confess your sins to him and be prepared for the consequences. He could forgive you or you could be history.
2)Keep your dark secrets and locked them up forever.
If you pick the first choice,, he may forgive you but the marriage would be doomed for it will forever haunt you and trouble you .
He may even cancel the wedding and call it off and bid you goodbye.
If you picked the second choice, there is always the risk of discovery in the future.But if you are faithful and loving to him , he may take that into considerations and may not take any drastic actions .
Which is more riskier?
In my opinion , I think I will take my chances on (2)
You can read my take here ;-
http://www.pinksuzie.com/2007/05/12/will-you-tell-your-beloved-all-your-darkest-secrets/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Things cannot be that great if you had sex with your ex. How could you do this if you are in love and going to get married, i can never work that one out. You now have to decide if you are going to let your husband to be know about it, knowing that he could walk away. Sorry, but i think you have done something that you may always live to regret. You have a lovely loving bloke here and you did this. What do you want to do now? Does your ex see a future with you? Would he keep quiet about it? If he does keep quiet then you could get away with it, but i wouldnt bank on it. You have will have to face this yourself.Sorry to sound so harsh, but you did know what you were doing when you did it, now you only have yourself to blame and yourself to get out of this mess.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (25 February 2008):
You need to try and understand why you cheated. Not only for yourself but also to enable you to answer your boyfriend's question when he asks.
While it might be possible to hide this, doing so will act like poison for you and you will always be at risk if your ex decided to mess things up a bit. At the end of the day the only way to avoid the kind of manipulation that can lead to blackmail is to remove the blackmailers weapon and confess.
It will be hard and you might lose that which you value most, but it is the only way to live and in the end you will be better for it. It is just the middle bit when it hurts so much that generates fear and self doubt.
All the best and keep asking questions till you figure it out.
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