A
female
age
41-50,
*ust.me
writes:I was with a man for a little over a year. To make a long story short. He cheated on me once, I forgave him the first time. It was unfortunate that I did because I think that it showed him that it was o.k. to keep on doing it. Towards the end of our relationship he was acting cruel and demeaning. I became someone that I did not recognize, an insecure, meek, and needy person. I wasn't like that before him or in any other relationship .... he bred my insecurities and I let him. I lost my self-worth, self-respect, etc..... I have beat myself up enough about it. We ended it .... he said that he wanted to work on himself and that i was the love of his life. He kept on calling, texting, etc ... I told him several times to stop and to get his act together then we can speak. He said all the right things. We had break up sex and even though I was on my last day of my period, I still got pregnant. I told him about it, he said he was really happy and that he has wanted this to happen. He loved me .... about a two weeks later I miscarried. I was devastated. He choose to go to a part instead of help me through this all. I never picked up his phone calls that day and haven't spoke to him for about a month. He has not tried to make any further contact. In other words he turned his back on me and what I was going through and never looked back. He is a cruel man. He went on to book a trip with his girlfriend (the one he said he no longer had), he has gone on with his life. He told people that I lied about being pregnant and miscarrying. His friends are not my friends so I have nothing to prove to them or him. I'm sure he said that so he would not look like the bad guy for turning his back on me.I have a few of his hockey cards that his dad gave him and want to mail them, with nothing else but those cards. No letter, no card, nothing. I will throw everything else away but was wondering if I should throw them away or just mail them. I guess I just want to be mature about it .. any comments?
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cheated on me, insecure, period, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Mail them so that he doesn't try to sue you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hey! personally I would throw them away. If they were that valuable to him he would have tried to get them back. I think that if you mail them back you are giving him another opportunity for him to get in contact with you. I would also worry that if he didn't get back to you to even say thanks you would be hurt all over again. To be honest it doesn't sound as though you are completely over the hurt (which is understandable!) so put yourself first (which is something he didnt) and chuck them in the bin!!
xx
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (16 March 2008):
Hi, Just because he has been a rat does not mean that you cannot choose how you will behave. My first inclination would be to mail them to him. But in a way that would also be hypocritical of me as I did not do the same with my ex.
Are these cards valuable? Do they have sentimental value to his dad who gave them to him? If either of these is yes, then consider mailing them back to his dad and then walk away.
What I did in my case was make sure that anything my ex left behind and which was of value and could reasonably be returned to someone other than her who themselves had treated me fairly, was returned. Anything which could only reasonably be returned to her I hung on to until all the legal stuff (divorce in my case) was over then I destroyed it. I did that because I did not want my ex during the divorce coming back to me with a spurious value of her stuff she had left behind and wanted to be able to say that the value was not relevant as she could have the stuff. Once the divorce was final I could then dispose of anything without comeback.
In your case it does not sound like it has been complicated by these legal issues and as he has been an utter cad in the way he has treated you, your only consideration should be what action should you take that will not upset your own conscience? Then do that and move on.
I am sure that there are lots of guys out there who would love to treat you the way you dream of, so keep hoping and one day it might all come true.
Good luck.
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