A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello , I am in my 20's male, I recently got admitted to a new college, And I met a girl who I really fell in love with, But Im scared to talk to her because I am an introvert from childhood, and I get nervous when I talk to people, and screw up my words....Im not being proud but Im not that bad lookingbut I dont know how to talk to her ......what should I do?
View related questions:
fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2018): It's my responsibility as an older-man to educate a younger man about use of the four-letter word "love."
You have not fallen in-love with that young lady. You are attracted to her. If you can't even talk to her, you can hardly be in-love with her! You are merely infatuated with her appearance and the idea of her; and you can't love another human being you've never even spoken to. The error of this kind of mindset is that you'll rush to say the words "I love you," before you truly mean it! Got it?!!
Now that we've gotten that out of the way. You first have to calm yourself down; and not elevate her up on a pedestal. You can't talk to her; because you've placed her above being approachable. Everything starts with introducing yourself and being pleasant. Give-off some charm. Contain your nervousness! Remember she's only human.
Hold the door for her. Be sincere. Don't be creepy or stalky. If you're nearby, find a way to be visible. If she notices you, say hello!
Explain to her you're a little lost; and could use a little help connecting with people, so you can feel more established on campus. Ask her if she can help-out?
If you'll allow yourself to be at ease, she'll be at-ease too; and things will flow naturally.
You're over-thinking and reverting into boyishness. There comes a point when we (yes we, because we all do it) clam-up when we should open-up! You'll never stop being nervous meeting someone you're attracted to; you just have to get past the nervousness, so you can make a connection! I've been in a relationship for going on five years. I get nervous when I want to profess my feelings, and I get nervous being told what I mean to him. I get flushed and shaky! In a good way! I'm shy too, but have learned how to get around it. My job demands it!
Practice by just smiling and being friendly when you make eye-contact with random ladies on campus. You must show confidence. It is essential. If she (or any young lady) doesn't scowl or roll her eyes, but locks eyes; smile and nod, or say hi! Work-up your nerve. There is no rush!
Let's put it this way. You've got a lot of competition. Statistically, females outnumber males on most college campuses; and if you don't speak-up, some other guy will!
She knows there's slim-pickings, and the nice-guys should get first-dibs! Shyness can be adorable, or annoying.
You don't have to try and make conversation with every passing female; just get yourself used to being bold enough to speak to people, and stop being a child.
There is nothing wrong with shyness, unless you allow it to cripple you socially. Introvertedness is a disease, if it isolates you; and makes you socially-awkward, or too self-centered. Shyness can be quite appealing and sexy. Just don't be too childish or withdrawn. If you've got dimples, show them off. They are a girl-magnet!
I've become impatient with overly-shy people, knowing I myself was able to get a handle on it. People I know who are very shy, somehow found themselves great relationships. They had to put the shyness aside. We all did!
Interactive-skills will take you a long-way socially and professionally. If they remain underdeveloped; you might need therapy, or life-coach counseling. Practice is usually all it takes. Not to stop being shy; just to learn how to control it. Everybody can't be bold, and the world would be annoying if everyone was! Imagine it! Whew! I shutter to think!
I wish you the best, my friend!
A
female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (1 December 2018):
 This is what you do - you smile at her. Just a small fleeting smile as you perhaps pass in a corridor. Smile at her every time you see her, and walk on. If she's interested she will smile back. Eventually you will sort of get to know each other and one of you will start talking to the other. Who knows, she may be the first to talk which will make your life a lot easier. However if she doesn't talk first then you are going to have to pluck up courage. Sometime a funny situation may take place in your college and you can look at each other with knowing glances and hopefully make a remark to each other and hopefully break the ice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 November 2018):
 Start out slow, OP
Like greet her when you see her, maybe introduce yourself. Make it short and sweet every time you meet her. When you feel more confident in talking to her, ask her out for lunch or dinner.
...............................
|
