A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’m a man in my mid-50s and I was made redundant a few months ago as a knock-on effect of the pandemic.I’ve always had pretty good jobs and I’ve saved money over the years and I got a payout when I left work, so we’re not on the streets. We live in a good neighborhood, not a place with kids on bikes and cars on fire or violence happening.But the change in circumstances has really affected my marriage. My wife can’t cope with the shift in our “status” and the loss of my nice salary.Although we can get by while I look for another job, I’ve told her we have to be sensible about spending until I’m earning again and she’s made it obvious she’s not happy about it.It's only for a few weeks, I'm applying for jobs anyway, but she seems to think it's my fault, I'm lazing when it's far, far from that.She’s acting like it’s my fault that we’re in this situation and is angry all the time. She’s also ignored my request to cut back on luxuries, OK, so not huge luxuries that could be white elephants. It hasn’t helped that I’m at home all the time at the moment, so we’re constantly in each other’s space.Luxuries like higher-end food for instance, not buying the latest high-end tech etc.I'm looking for jobs constantly, emailing CV's off to employers, phoning people for interviews and meetings, so hardly idle and being a workshy jerkass.Ironically, I do have an interview coming up, to work at an Apple store. Not the best job, but I'll take what I can; better than nothing. Also applied to a local Mexican restaurant too, just so I've got a backup plan if the Apple store job fails. I'm good at cooking Mexican food so that job is OK for me too. Sure it puts to the test how much I have a passion for it, but it's certain variations of Mexican food, not just Tex-Mex or the like, the place I'm applying for is a mom-and-pop restaurant, not a chain store!Both are good enough jobs for me, OK, so they ain't office jobs with co-workers in multiple states like I used to do and teleconferencing, but still, good enough.I told her I had an interview, she insisted I was joking. Had to show her emails as proof.We had a huge argument the other day and she told me she’d been thinking about leaving anyway.I'm suspecting now she may have married me for "status", in both senses of the word. Years ago, I married her and had to spend thousands proving she was able to come here legally. But this doesn't sound or feel like a citizenship marriage or greencard marriage thingy.She's Portuguese, but always wanted to live here in Texas, said it was somewhere she'd seen on TV as a kid, considered it as a place to aspire to. I met her on vacation in the 2000s and had to show proof of emails etc. and proof it's not a citizenship marriage.She isn't a significantly younger woman; only 4 years younger, and I didn't see anything that suggrsted she saw me as a meal ticket.I know the reality, though, Texas isn't all glamor and cowboys as you see in the movies; it's big cities, unemployment, high petrol prices.I’m shocked and hurt by the way she’s reacted, but want to save our marriage if I can. I'm suspecting it's a mental crisis of some sort. Have you any ideas?
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female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (3 April 2022):
 Your wife is being totally unreasonable and selfish and I think your suspicions about her using you as a meal ticket are true. So, what is she doing about it all ? Has she got a job? Is she contributing to the household? You sound like a really lovely man and I don't think she deserves you one bit. She's lucky to have you but doesn't appreciate you. Personally I think you would be so much better off on your own.
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