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... Send *eria a private message | | | *eria's profile:I don't always share the same opinion on relationship issues as the average person would. But then I figure, why ask the question if you already know what answer you want to hear.
I strongly believe in the principle that everyone EVERYONE is responsible for their own actions. Everyone is accountable to her/himself. I reject the double standards that are prevelant in our modern western world.
If I had a motto, it would be:
Sex is not love and love is not sex.
(I don't have a motto, but that would be closest to represent my thoughts on the matter)
Oh, and by the way, my name is Keira -- When I signed up, I was typing too fast and ended up with Keria... but you can call me whichever you prefer.
CLARIFICATION NEEDED:
I think some people think I am somehow against monogomay. No, I'm not. If a person choses to have sex with only one person, for whatever reason, then they have made a choice, and that is their business. So no, I'm not against it. I'm just going to be realistic, and not support it as though it were the natural state of humans, and as though any other option is somehow wrong. What I am against, is forced monogamy. Monogamy by coercion is nothing more than a form of slavery. It was originally developed as an outcome to the male dominated world in order to protect women. Men felt they could have as many partners as they wanted, but each of those partners belonged to him, and were basically his slaves. Sure he might treat some or all of them tenderly, but that did not change the fact that they were being owned. Monogamy attempted to even this out so that if women were owned, then men had to curb it, and own only one woman. Any more than that, and it would be excessive. Of course, the correct response would have been to recognize that women should be just as free as men. Through the middle ages of Europe, the monogomist relationship was romantisized, and men learned that they needed to fall in love with the beautiful and helpless maiden, and sacrifice his life for her. This made monogamy beautiful. Unrealistic, but beautiful. Our nature though is opposed to this. There are no monogamist societies in the world. There are many that claim to be, but none that are. People believe that they must love the person they have sex with, and have sex only with the person they love. This is utter nonsense. Many many marriage problems stem from the insecurity brought on by this erroneous view. If people would realize that sex and love are not the same thing, and if they realized a woman can truly love a man and have sex with a different man, our families would be much happier today. There would be less arguing and more children would get to have the joy of growing up with both natural parents, living in harmony with one another. Sex is meant to be fun. It should not be used as a tool to hurt another.
Anyway, I hope this helps to clarify what I stand for.
Keira |
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My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 9 May 2007: I just read about "The Mistress" by Victoria Griffin over at Amazon. It looks like a good book. I think I'll order myself a copy.... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 9 May 2007: To the anonymous writer who advised reading, "Til Death do us Part":
I just looked it up in Amazon, and this book is about people who kill their spouses. I am interested to know how this relates to having a mistress.
Please respond here, or... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 30 April 2007: I am sorry to hear you are depressed, but really the problem is that so many people have a wrong view of love. There is nothing wrong with your wife wanting to get pleasure in this way. Society says it's wrong, and we learn to believe it. ... (read in full...)
My jealousy is getting out of control and I dont know how to handle it!!
Q. im in a year long relationship and over time i have become more and more paranoid that my girlfriend is going to cheat one me. recently shes been goin to pubs and clubs etc with her friends and it makes me feel sick knowing that some guy could be ...
A. 27 April 2007: You are controlling. You need to realized that love is not about owning someone. ... (read in full...)
I idolised him and want to see him again!
Q. Hi, this is my first time so here goes. See I've never been very confident around guys and there's this guy I like, he's an old friend actually. See I knew him when i was around 5 and we were best friends and when I was 11 he did something for me...
A. 27 April 2007: Find out where he hangs out, and wonder in there and bump into him. Act surprised, but say you had heard a rumour he was back in town, and you are so glad to find out it's true. Take it from there.... (read in full...)
We are long distance and have alot of phone sex, is that all he wants from me ?
Q. phone sex can it be away to show you love each other from a distantce ? i mean me and my man have been doing it for a while we are a way for the time being and i feel that its good because masterbation is healty but also because its better than no ...
A. 27 April 2007: You can't build a strong relationship based on phone sex. Find someone real, someone with a face, and a body you can wrap your arms around. Think of this phone guy as being a hot erotic story. It can give you good masturbation material, but the ... (read in full...)
Due to get married after 7ys together, not sure if I'm "in love" him, is this just pre-wedding nerves ?
Q. Help!! I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years, we live together and are due to get married in a few months. However - I really dont know if I am doing the right thing! I do love him and he is a great guy - BUT - I just dont think ...
A. 27 April 2007: Hi there! This is very natural what you are feeling... but the problem is you are confusing LOVE with FEELING! Love is not a feeling! Read my response to What is Love over at ... (read in full...)
I have strong sexual feelings for my aunt in law. her and my uncle got divorced about a year ago. How can i seduce her without scaring her?
Q. I have strong sexual feelings for my aunt in law. her and my uncle got divorced about a year ago. How can i seduce her without scaring her? any tips?...
A. 27 April 2007: Hmmm... Sounds really intersting!
I think you need to start by just talking to her. Not about you and her... just talk.. tell her you love talking to her, and you are really happy that you can. See if you can entice her to go out for coffee w... (read in full...)
What is your definition of love?
Q. My question is short and concise; What is love? I know that there is no text book definition of love, and that there's no right or wrong answer to that. I've always wondering and was just thinking what everybody else here thought. Thanks. ...
A. 27 April 2007: Oh, and by the way, as for Text Books, and not being a definition, the Bible is a great text book. I've already quoted from it, and it helps us to understand what love is and is not. If you want to see good examples of what love can be and what it ... (read in full...)
How do I stop staring at their tits?
Q. I'm almost 14 and I'm really pariniod about being called a pervert. When girls wear tank tops and stuff I intentially notice their breasts first, but the second I realise what I'm looking I blink a bit and hope no one saw and just try to act ...
A. 27 April 2007: And don't forget, as we walk away, you can stare at our cute butts! God made them cute for a reason! But when I look you in the face, better to keep you eyes on my eyes! Ok? ;-)... (read in full...)
What is your definition of love?
Q. My question is short and concise; What is love? I know that there is no text book definition of love, and that there's no right or wrong answer to that. I've always wondering and was just thinking what everybody else here thought. Thanks. ...
A. 27 April 2007: First off, Hollywood is totaly wrong!
If you "fall in love" you are infatuated. It's a chemical reaction or emotional response. This is fun and can create amazing feelings! We've all been there. But it's nothing to do with love at all. Se... (read in full...)
I caught my 12 year old son masturbating. How should I handle this?
Q. i am a father of a twelve year old boy, and i saw him masturbating,and i blew up, what should i do?...
A. 27 April 2007: Hey mister... you need to sit down with him and apologize! You need to tell him you were completely wrong! You need to tell him that you used to do it too (and admit you still do it - and if you don't you should be!). Tell him you felt guilty ... (read in full...)
Is it common for a man to frequently masturbate while his girlfriend is lying next to him in bed?
Q. Bottom line question: is it common for a man to frequently (2-4 times a day/night) masturbate while his girlfriend is lying next to him in bed and they are not fooling around and/or he thinks she is asleep? Don't people usually masturbate in ...
A. 27 April 2007: Masturbation together can be fun... but if a guy constantly does it in bed at night, alone, it's usually a sign that the partner is a little unresponsive sexually. Perhaps you might want to take a look at ways you can participate with him, and then ... (read in full...)
I am a strong christian and I really want to wait till I'm married to have sex.
Q. hey I am a strong christian and I really want to wait till I'm married to have sex. has anybody else done this? alot of people think that i am wasting my teenage life by living to this rule. im not have doubts about it, i really want to but id like ...
A. 27 April 2007: Don't listen to anybody who teases you. You do what you want to do. However, it's true, you might regret it after you've been married five years... but then again, there's no point giving yourself that much guilt by going against the scriptures ... (read in full...)
I recently found out that my girlfriend bragged about our sex life to her small group of friends.
Q. I recently found out that my girlfriend bragged about our sex life to her small group of friends. I was shocked... I don't know if it was a bad shock or a good shock. Probably a little bit of bad shock, but mostly good. Its just, I have never ...
A. 27 April 2007: I usually keep my sex life pretty private with the girls. I just kind of smile and say things are great. But it's true, most of them do like to talk about it. Not all, but probably most.... (read in full...)
Do gals prefer to give oral sex or do they prefer to recieve it??
Q. Do gals prefer to give oral sex or do they prefer to recieve it??...
A. 27 April 2007: I absolutely love both!! Giving oral sex is an amazing intellectual experience, in that it's the mind that gets stimulated and creates amazing feelings of arousal, starting with the mind, and working out toward the whole person. Receving it, can ... (read in full...)
I finally found a man thats interested, not gay, and not a jerk... But... Hes married!!
Q. All of my life I have had the worst luck with men. I fall for men who are either gay or not interested, jerks or clueless. I met a guy three months ago and we instantly clicked. We get along really well, he's extremely cute, we make each other ...
A. 27 April 2007: Sounds like the Alana Morisette song, "It's like finding the man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife."
Well, I know you are probably expecting people on here to tell you to find someone else. I'm not going to tell you that. But here... (read in full...)
How do I stop staring at their tits?
Q. I'm almost 14 and I'm really pariniod about being called a pervert. When girls wear tank tops and stuff I intentially notice their breasts first, but the second I realise what I'm looking I blink a bit and hope no one saw and just try to act ...
A. 26 April 2007: Young man, when you look at a woman, you need to force youself to look at her eyes. You can look at her "tits" when she is looking the other way. But when her face is towards your face, it's eye contact only. Actually that's a good thing to do in ... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my husband wants us to 'swing'! This is destroying me! Help, any advice?
Q. i cant get my head around why my husband would want us to swing,is it because he dont fancy me anymore or because he`s bored with me,pls help me as this is destroying me an im feeling a waster and a failer...
A. 26 April 2007: While Ariel is right, the choice IS yours, and you can just tell him you don't want to do it... I still recommend that you be open-minded about it. Just consider it a little, and don't be out-right opposed to it. The fact that you just might be ... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Ok, I'm trying to figure this out. She wants to swing. You also are willing to swing. If it's with strangers, you'll try it out. If it's with friends, then you want a divorce.
I think you might be misunderstanding what she means by emotiona... (read in full...)
I want him as my sex buddy.
Q. Ok.... I just had the most amazing weekend. I split up with my boyfriend 4 months ago. my firend comes around with her boyfriend and her boyfriends very good looking mate. This gorgeous guy is looking at me all night. we go to a club and end u...
A. 26 April 2007: Give him a call and let him know you had an awesome time, and you want to do it again... no strings attached.... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Typo: When I said, " I suggested to another person on here that they get some soft port movies that deal with partner swaping and watch them open-mindedly before coming down hard on the partner who wants to do it."
I meant, soft "porn", not "por... (read in full...)
Well my casual guy found out that i went on a date and he got really upset i think he likes me but im not sure.
Q. Well..i was seeing this guy casually and he made it clear that it was no strings.. then we started talking on the phone and calling each other all the time. If we wernt on the phone then we would text each other.. Well i was sick of being just a ...
A. 26 April 2007: 'not sure what his problem is. If there's "no strings attached", then you should be able to see whoever you want whenever you want. Ask him what a string is.... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: I just read your follow up. No, divorce is not the answer. Why would you do that? You certainly won't have her all to yourself after the divorce the way you want her now. Are you planning on using the issue of divorce to threaten her so she ... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Before I give you my answer, ask yourself if you already know what you want the answer to be. Perhaps you aren't willing to accept a different opinion.
Anyway, here goes...
Your wife loves you. She is feeling very very aroused these da... (read in full...)
Do I stay or leave? He aint too nice to me but we still have a good time!?
Q. I don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend and try make amends or leave him. The problem is that he use to have this prejudice toward me because I am not from the same "background" as him. He use to constantly remind me that he never went out ...
A. 26 April 2007: That last comment sounds like a horoscope or a fortune cookie!
My advise to you is to dump him as he has no respect for you. UNLESS he is only gently teasing, and you are just being overly sensitive. But being sesitive is difficult to snap out... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my husband wants us to 'swing'! This is destroying me! Help, any advice?
Q. i cant get my head around why my husband would want us to swing,is it because he dont fancy me anymore or because he`s bored with me,pls help me as this is destroying me an im feeling a waster and a failer...
A. 26 April 2007: I was thinking more about this. Perhaps the whole swining concept is new to you, and it's newness is part of the problem. You might want to try renting some soft porn flicks that deal with partner sharing. I'm trying to remember the name of a ... (read in full...)
I find it weird with girls because in my head, I find it wrong and not normal. Do you think I'm gay?
Q. hey im 16-17 im going out with a girl we havt done anythink yet but we said we would trouble is i find girls attractive and i dont with boys they turn me off but doing stuff with a girl freaks me out also we both say we ent gay but for me that is ...
A. 26 April 2007: Don't worry about it. Sex is meant to be fun, so just have fun. If that means doing it with guys, then so be it. If it means doing it with girls, ok, and if it means doing it with both.. well that's great too. Don't worry about what anyone else ... (read in full...)
I sometimes agree with the nasty things they say about my GF, should I finish it ?
Q. ok me and my girlfriend are kinda having problems. i love her to death but my friends hatee her. non of my friends like and they say mean things that i sometimes agree with . should i keep her or dump her? please help me!...
A. 26 April 2007: You should be defending her to your friends. What do you they know? Tell them to lay off, and that you care about her, and what they say is disrespectful. If you love her, don't break up over what a bunch of immature highschool kids have to say.... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my husband wants us to 'swing'! This is destroying me! Help, any advice?
Q. i cant get my head around why my husband would want us to swing,is it because he dont fancy me anymore or because he`s bored with me,pls help me as this is destroying me an im feeling a waster and a failer...
A. 26 April 2007: This is a common fantasy that men have. Believe me, many women have it too. Some act out on it and find it a big disapointment, some find it saved their marriage and gave new excitement to both of them.
The main thing here though, is you don'... (read in full...)
Want my Ld gf to move here, so I won't be tempted to sleep around...what do I do?
Q. Hi there, Last night I slept with an ex from a long time ago. The problem is I have a long distance relationship with a girl in another country. I want to stay together with her and I feel that this has emphasised the point that I want her to m...
A. 26 April 2007: Are there plans for her to eventually move? Or in her mind are you both going to be long distance forever? The main thing here, is you need to respect your LD girlfriend and allow her to sleep occassionally with men while she is there, and you can ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 26 April 2007: For the most part, you want it to be like other times you've had lunch together. Ask him how things are going, tell him you are glad to see him again. I think you need to tell him again that whatever decision he makes with his wife, you want to be ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend has cheated on me with his good female friend.
Q. My boyfriend and i get on really well were the best of friends and we are so in love however he works with a girl who for the past two years i have been extremely jealous of as much as i dont like her, my bf and her are still good friends, however ...
A. 26 April 2007: Just because you phone a guy's mobile and he doesn't answer doesn't mean he has a girl sleeping over.... (read in full...)
He makes me wet, but that's all. What can be his problem?
Q. I'm going out with someone for about 6 months. The first 3 months we had a lot of sexy moments together. I'm about 80% sure that he likes me because he invites me to go out, he say nice things to me, frequently he calls me that he miss me and want...
A. 26 April 2007: Maybe out of respect to you, he doesn't want to go further... he's maybe waiting for you to make further moves on him. Why not become more agressive, and start the moves?
On the other hand, he might believe that sex is for marriage only. Why not... (read in full...)
I want to make a move on him, but dont want my friends to be mad at me!!!
Q. Okay this is like the typical issue with teenage girls.. only it usually happens in like middle school.. but im 16 and me and my two other friends all think this guy is extremely gorgeous.. and hes got a sweet personality too.. so we all decided not ...
A. 26 April 2007: I don't understand why your friends would be jealous. Let me see, ALL of you want him, and that means that NONE of you should have him. Hmm.. I say go for it, and may the best woman win!... (read in full...)
We got back together but.. we're having problems!!
Q. My boyfriend and I just started our relationship over, hoping to forgive eachother for what we have done in the past and try and move on but still be together. We were having horrible problems and he was always hiding stuff from me. Especially on ...
A. 26 April 2007: See, this is a double standard. You want to spy on him. You want him to be accountable to you for everything he looks at on the computer. But then YOU get pissed off when he looks at your email. Now, why is that?
As for porn, this shows yo... (read in full...)
Im attracted to my bf's friend "Bob"! Is this the 7yr itch at 4 yrs?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4yrs, and lived with him for 2. While I still find him attractive and think I would like to marry him and have a family, we dont have a lot of time to spend together, as we both spend alot of time working. I've ...
A. 26 April 2007: What you are experiencing is perfectly natural, although many try to deny it.
I suggest that you take is slowly with Bob. You'll want to make sure you can trust him. I'm sure you don't want to throw away everything with your boyfriend, but if h... (read in full...)
I can't figure my ex bf out! We split up and he texts me, telling me, he still cares! What up with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 3 days ago and I wasn't expecting to hear from him at all. This morning I get an email from him saying good morning and how are you doing. I wasn't sure if I should respond back but I did anyway. I told him I was doing ...
A. 26 April 2007: Breaking up is hard to do.
He obviously still cares about you. He wants to make sure that he is not responsible for hurting you, and wants to see if you are ok. It doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get back together though.
If you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me with my friend. Should I take her back?
Q. My girlfriend cheated on me with my friend. i gave him her number while we were broken up but i seriously didn't think he would succeed with her. He called her and they met the next time then started spending time at her house while she was ...
A. 26 April 2007: She didn't "cheat" on you! You gave the guy her phonenumber! You just said it was while you were broken up. My god! Do you think you own her, so that she can't have the freedom to spend time with a guy even while you are broken up? I don't ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex?
Q. i have recently got with a boy and i dont know if i'm over my ex.. i scared i'm on the rebound and will just hurt my boyfriend if i stay with him is it normal to still have feelings for your ex? ...
A. 26 April 2007: Yes, it's perfectly normal.... (read in full...)
Why does he not see himself with me when we are so good together? How can he love 2 girls like this
Q. Ok, agony aunts, let me know your thoughts on this one please cos i am all out of answers!! I have been seeing a guy for about a year and a half. We work together and started seeing each other pretty much as soon as i started at my job. We have ...
A. 26 April 2007: Let me as you this: Do you have any siblings? Do you think it odd that your parents loved each and everyone of their children? People who already know they can love more than one person have such a time dealing with knowing a man can love two ... (read in full...)
We argue over his porn collections and he says I am being pathetic! What should I do?
Q. hi i am 22 years of age and my partner is 34. I have been dating him for 3 years now. I moved in with him about a year ago and just lately we have been arguing alot. Mainly about things that he has done or said. It all started with his over ...
A. 26 April 2007: This kind of question seems to be on here a lot. The truth of the matter is that all men look at porn, and all straight men look at women. The frustration comes when we try to change them. We won't ever. Who was it who said, Lord give me the ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 26 April 2007: I have a lot of respect for women like you. Like I said before, sometimes it is a woman like you who is able to hold a family together.
But you and I both know that he is not leaving his wife. Well, it's very very unlikely, anyway. Some men... (read in full...)
How can i change so that I treat guys better?
Q. hi, just wanted some advice. last year i was working at this place and there were five guys who all wanted to go out with me. One was married, the other engaged to a girl who lived abroad, another was divorced and two single guys. out of all of them ...
A. 25 April 2007: You cannot be responsible for "breaking up a marriage". If a guy falls for you and leaves his wife over it, then he was likely already in a "bad" situation in his marriage. It isn't YOUR fault. Does HE not have any role to play in it? Does his ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 25 April 2007: You know what, everyone is saying this is unhealthy. In some ways it is, but it doesn't have to be. Men throughout history have had mistresses, and women have had their men on the side.. although typically it's the men who get the worst wrap. ... (read in full...)
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